Words are beyond me at this point. Betrayal is something that I never thought would happen to me with this person. Well, guess what? Now, I’m feeling an emotion akin to betrayal and it doesn’t feel good.
Aside from the sting of having your trust thrown back to your face, it really dampens one’s spirit to know that there is one person less in your Christmas list. Ha! Seriously, it really pains me more than I can imagine because I was under the impression that this person is somebody I can totally rely on. A kindred spirit, if I can say so myself.
Oh well, one can't have everything so I should be thankful that I found out about it as early as now (but, I have to admit I’m having bad thoughts that it was already too late!). One lesson learned (again!) to me and, hopefully, more strength to face life as I continue in my journey.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
muddled thoughts #11
People say they felt something similar to an electrical spark the first time they met their partners. Others swore they heard the birds chirping and some would even attest that there were an indescribable lightness within their beings.
OOOOKKKKKAAAAAYYYYY......
Now, how does one feel when he/she falls out of love?
Instead of excitement, would you feel bored out of your mind at the company of your partner?
Instead of birds chirping, could you be hearing witches cackling endlessly?
Instead of feeling weightless, maybe, you'll feel the burden of having to put up with the mere presence of someone who means absolutely nothing you?
I HAVE NO IDEA. I'M CLUELESS. But, maybe, I'm lucky after all.
OOOOKKKKKAAAAAYYYYY......
Now, how does one feel when he/she falls out of love?
Instead of excitement, would you feel bored out of your mind at the company of your partner?
Instead of birds chirping, could you be hearing witches cackling endlessly?
Instead of feeling weightless, maybe, you'll feel the burden of having to put up with the mere presence of someone who means absolutely nothing you?
I HAVE NO IDEA. I'M CLUELESS. But, maybe, I'm lucky after all.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
muddled thoughts#10
Beyond my facade of stoicism, cynicism and skepticism (and all the possible isms! Hehehehe), I am actually a hopeless and incurable romantic. I absolutely crazy about happy endings and fervently wish for all those people who have found their better halves to live happily ever after.
But, as the saying goes, some good things never last…..
One thing I really try to avoid hearing is the news of breaking up and separating. I have no idea how to react or what words of comfort should I say. Is there an appropriate advice to this? How could I possibly relate to them? Can I fit in to their shoes? I really hate this feeling of helplessness! More than that, I can’t stand the feeling of cluelessness!
Another one bites the dust! Another couple just announced their separation and I just couldn’t find the right words to say. For the life of me, I just couldn’t figure out why. The last time I was with them, they were all sweetness and I’m not exaggerating. So, it’s just doesn’t connect. Maybe, it’s a recent thing. Or maybe, it’s a slowly brewing thing that just blew up. Whatever the reason is, I just hope that they do know what they’re doing.
But, as the saying goes, some good things never last…..
One thing I really try to avoid hearing is the news of breaking up and separating. I have no idea how to react or what words of comfort should I say. Is there an appropriate advice to this? How could I possibly relate to them? Can I fit in to their shoes? I really hate this feeling of helplessness! More than that, I can’t stand the feeling of cluelessness!
Another one bites the dust! Another couple just announced their separation and I just couldn’t find the right words to say. For the life of me, I just couldn’t figure out why. The last time I was with them, they were all sweetness and I’m not exaggerating. So, it’s just doesn’t connect. Maybe, it’s a recent thing. Or maybe, it’s a slowly brewing thing that just blew up. Whatever the reason is, I just hope that they do know what they’re doing.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
This Is IT!!!!
Ok! This is it!!!! I've made my decision and if nothing goes awry (as in walang masamang elemento na kokontra!!!! hehehehe), i will be starting a new phase in my life or should i say re-start that phase in my life.
Friday, August 26, 2005
maybe
i need to spread my wings
i must learn how to fly
i'm not getting any younger
i can't just let life pass me by
time went and left me behind
i lost so much without asking why
i thought i could handle life
but now all i want to do is cry
maybe it's not too late to start over
maybe i can still dream and try
maybe there's still something for me
maybe i can still wipe my tears dry
i must learn how to fly
i'm not getting any younger
i can't just let life pass me by
time went and left me behind
i lost so much without asking why
i thought i could handle life
but now all i want to do is cry
maybe it's not too late to start over
maybe i can still dream and try
maybe there's still something for me
maybe i can still wipe my tears dry
Thursday, August 25, 2005
muddled thoughts #09
I never wanted to be in this situation. I'm not good at this. I tend to literally grasp the first thing I can hold on and rue my action later.
Decision-making has been one of my stronger points. I usually let my heart rule my head which, of course, more often than not result to dire consequences I can't possibly imagine.
Tomorrow is THE day. I have to make THAT decision. In as much as I want to avoid it, I must. A sign of independence? Partly, I guess. A sigh of rebellion? Probably.
Anyway, whatever is the motivation I might have, I REALLY hope and pray that it would be a step to a better and brighter future for me.
Decision-making has been one of my stronger points. I usually let my heart rule my head which, of course, more often than not result to dire consequences I can't possibly imagine.
Tomorrow is THE day. I have to make THAT decision. In as much as I want to avoid it, I must. A sign of independence? Partly, I guess. A sigh of rebellion? Probably.
Anyway, whatever is the motivation I might have, I REALLY hope and pray that it would be a step to a better and brighter future for me.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
muddled thoughts#08
I now find myself standing again in yet another crossroad. Should I turn left or right? Should I dare go forward or backward? Should I just stay put? For a person whose deepest fear is change, deciding which direction to take is giving me migraine, sleepless nights, and dyspepsia!!!!!
I am now at the point in my life where I want to take charge. No more charging to experience nor mere acceptance of what life hands over to me. I want to become the best person I can possibly and want to be.
But, still, I am hindered with a lot of obstacles that I can't seem to avoid. Should I just throw caution to the wind? Should I just turn a blind eye? Should I just concentrate on myself?
I have until Thursday to make my decision. This is not going to be easy. Hopefully, I can make the right decision and will be able to face the consequences that go with it.
I am now at the point in my life where I want to take charge. No more charging to experience nor mere acceptance of what life hands over to me. I want to become the best person I can possibly and want to be.
But, still, I am hindered with a lot of obstacles that I can't seem to avoid. Should I just throw caution to the wind? Should I just turn a blind eye? Should I just concentrate on myself?
I have until Thursday to make my decision. This is not going to be easy. Hopefully, I can make the right decision and will be able to face the consequences that go with it.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
muffled thoughts #11
I can no longer recall how many times I had watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory as a kid (oh yeah, it's been ages already! hehehe) nor I can even remember the scenes accurately. But, it was a delicious treat for me then to watch Gene Wilder play the Candyman and regale Charlie with the great things one can achieve using just pure imagination.
Guess, it goes without saying the childlike thrill I got when I read that Tim Burton was going to recreate this Roald Dahl classic into a movie. Plus, Johnny Depp is going to be Willy Wonka!
Even though the urge to watch the first version is almost irressistible, still, I was able to control the urge. And it's a also a good thing t hat the book was unbelievably priced. Thus, I was able to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with, hopefully, an untainted mind.
Although it is based on a children's book, the movie appealed more to the adult intentionally hiding within my person than the child I'm trying to repress (hehehehe). I left the move house actually in a pensive mood. There's more to the chocolate in this movie than one expected it to be.
Maybe I'm biased (me being a Johnny Depp fan since 21 Jumpstreet and all), but this is a film directed by Tim Burton. There's no way that this movie would be all cheery and fun. It's dark in a lot of ways and you need to carefully read between the lines. Until now, I'm still at a loss whether everything was pure coincidental or was geniously planned to find Willy Wonka's rightful heir.
Lastly, I vehemently disagree with the idea that Johnny Depp patterned his Willy Wonka to Michael Jackson. Duh!?! Just because of their skin color? WHATEVER....
Guess, it goes without saying the childlike thrill I got when I read that Tim Burton was going to recreate this Roald Dahl classic into a movie. Plus, Johnny Depp is going to be Willy Wonka!
Even though the urge to watch the first version is almost irressistible, still, I was able to control the urge. And it's a also a good thing t hat the book was unbelievably priced. Thus, I was able to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with, hopefully, an untainted mind.
Although it is based on a children's book, the movie appealed more to the adult intentionally hiding within my person than the child I'm trying to repress (hehehehe). I left the move house actually in a pensive mood. There's more to the chocolate in this movie than one expected it to be.
Maybe I'm biased (me being a Johnny Depp fan since 21 Jumpstreet and all), but this is a film directed by Tim Burton. There's no way that this movie would be all cheery and fun. It's dark in a lot of ways and you need to carefully read between the lines. Until now, I'm still at a loss whether everything was pure coincidental or was geniously planned to find Willy Wonka's rightful heir.
Lastly, I vehemently disagree with the idea that Johnny Depp patterned his Willy Wonka to Michael Jackson. Duh!?! Just because of their skin color? WHATEVER....
Monday, August 15, 2005
sigh
i didn't see it coming
that's why it hurts more
guess i was too trusting
you stabbed me to the core
i believed i found a friend
but it was a mistake all along
i was merely a mean for your end
it's too late to realize i was wrong
i've been banging my head on the wall
you took me for a ride
then you left me holding the ball
with all the jeers, insults and chides
i'm not expecting an apology
i can only sigh now when i think of you
i doubt if forgiveness will come easy
although everybody will definitely pay his due
that's why it hurts more
guess i was too trusting
you stabbed me to the core
i believed i found a friend
but it was a mistake all along
i was merely a mean for your end
it's too late to realize i was wrong
i've been banging my head on the wall
you took me for a ride
then you left me holding the ball
with all the jeers, insults and chides
i'm not expecting an apology
i can only sigh now when i think of you
i doubt if forgiveness will come easy
although everybody will definitely pay his due
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
muffled thoughts #10
Caution: I found this draft when I was rummaging through my drawer for a pen. This was written during those dark times that had long since past (hopefully! hehehehe) and was supposed to be posted in the proper site. Somehow, I got sidetracked. Anyway, since this is my blog and this is one of my muffled thoughts.... I guess, one can say, I'm exorcising a ghost... here goes....
*****
Lest I be accused again of something I don't normally do unless provoked, I decided to post some clarifications in this site, with your indulgence, of course.
It has come to my attention that I had supposed to make "away" a person, whom I will refer to as "A". Maybe "A" can post it here or tell me directly as to how I made "away" him/her because, no matter how hard I bang my head on the wall, I can't dig up any form of recollection of that "away". On the other hand, what I remembered vividly was a healthy discussion on something best not mentioned in public unless "A" gives me the go-signal to do so. It's unfortunate that an innocent observation can elicit such negative reactions, and to think we are still communing in a free world.
After the discussion, I have kept my peace believing that since everything has been said, the matter was, thus, already resolved and we'll be moving on to more important things. It is disheartening to know that people are talking behind your back without any interest whatsoever in hearing the other side of the story. I guess, that's what I get for not keeping my mouth shut.
As for my questioning the 1,000 pesos that singles are required to pay, all I'm asking for is a plausible explanation, no more, no less. Maybe if anybody (I had to censor a name out to keep the peace! hehehehehe) can complete the sentence fast enough for me to enjoy a mug of coffee, I will gladly pay it and I will have nothing in my mind but to eagerly re-bond with old friends and reminisce high school days.
Lastly, I would like to thank the people concerned for their time, effort, and, not to forget, precious load in organizing the get-together. I believe I had mentioned to "A" that I can never belittle nor discount the organizers' passion and enthusiasm in bringing us together.
Thank You.
*****
*****
Lest I be accused again of something I don't normally do unless provoked, I decided to post some clarifications in this site, with your indulgence, of course.
It has come to my attention that I had supposed to make "away" a person, whom I will refer to as "A". Maybe "A" can post it here or tell me directly as to how I made "away" him/her because, no matter how hard I bang my head on the wall, I can't dig up any form of recollection of that "away". On the other hand, what I remembered vividly was a healthy discussion on something best not mentioned in public unless "A" gives me the go-signal to do so. It's unfortunate that an innocent observation can elicit such negative reactions, and to think we are still communing in a free world.
After the discussion, I have kept my peace believing that since everything has been said, the matter was, thus, already resolved and we'll be moving on to more important things. It is disheartening to know that people are talking behind your back without any interest whatsoever in hearing the other side of the story. I guess, that's what I get for not keeping my mouth shut.
As for my questioning the 1,000 pesos that singles are required to pay, all I'm asking for is a plausible explanation, no more, no less. Maybe if anybody (I had to censor a name out to keep the peace! hehehehehe) can complete the sentence fast enough for me to enjoy a mug of coffee, I will gladly pay it and I will have nothing in my mind but to eagerly re-bond with old friends and reminisce high school days.
Lastly, I would like to thank the people concerned for their time, effort, and, not to forget, precious load in organizing the get-together. I believe I had mentioned to "A" that I can never belittle nor discount the organizers' passion and enthusiasm in bringing us together.
Thank You.
*****
Sunday, July 03, 2005
sorry
it shouldn't be that hard
saying you're sorry
but when pride enters the picture
it becomes a different story
nobody's perfect
that's why we all understand
we're not supposed to commit mistakes
but we're only human
on the second thought,
should we always justify all our actions?
maybe we could be responsible instead
and accept the retribution?
apology has always been an act of courage
as we were taught in our youth
but when it's merely a coward's move
it has became a distorted view of the truth
saying you're sorry
but when pride enters the picture
it becomes a different story
nobody's perfect
that's why we all understand
we're not supposed to commit mistakes
but we're only human
on the second thought,
should we always justify all our actions?
maybe we could be responsible instead
and accept the retribution?
apology has always been an act of courage
as we were taught in our youth
but when it's merely a coward's move
it has became a distorted view of the truth
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Muffled Thoughts: 6 months pa raw…..
After PGMA admitted she had a lapse of judgment by calling up a Comelec official to check up on her votes, one of her so-called advisers made an appeal to the Filipino people to give her another 6 months to prove her capability to lead. Halleur!!!!! At the risk of sounding unladylike, my initial reaction was "6 months, my A**!" She already had 3 years after the former President Joseph Estrada was driven out of office and one year out of the 6-year term she had supposedly won in the 2004 National Election. Is she saying that she wasn’t able to accomplish anything in those last 4 years?
My golly gee!!!!! We’re talking 4 years here! That’s already one US Presidential term! Come to think of it, what did she do for the Filipino people during those four years? Naayos ba niya ang naghihikahos na buhay ng mga pangkaraniwang tao? Nakaramdam ba ang mga tao ng kahit kaunting pag-unlad ng kanilang kabuhayan? Ewan ko sa iba, pero wala akong naramdamang kahit na anumang uri ng pagbabago maliban sa patuloy na pagbagsak ng ekonomiya.
Hindi ko naman isinasantabi ang aral ng Diyos na "God help those who help themselves." Totoo yun. Walang magandang mangyayari sa ating buhay kung hindi tayo ang kikilos. Kailangang tayo na mismo ang gumawa ng paraan. Pero, bilang pinuno, sa kaniyang mga balikat nakaatang ang mabigat na responsibilidad na akayin ang mga mamamayan tungo sa kaunlaran.
Huwag na nating pag-usapan kung may pandarayag nangyari sa nakaraang halalan dahil wala namang aamin. But, definitely, there’s no denying the growing doubt as to the integrity of PGMA. She has, so far, done anything to make the people believe otherwise.
When the news of the wiretapped tapes came out, instead of getting sensible replies from the administration, the people got false pronouncements, silly threats, illogical statements and bungled attempts of cover-ups. And, after 22 days of arrogant silence, here she is pitifully beseeching and pleading for the people’s forgiveness. She just had a lapse of judgment, for crying out loud. Lapse of judgment? If I remembered my grade school English lessons, you should add "s" to a word when its an event that happened more than once or its number is more than one. She called the Comelec official more than ten times as recorded in those wiretapped tapes! Baka she meant she had lapseS of judgment? Once is negligible, twice might be overlooked, thrice could be forgivable, but more than that? Sakit na yan!
I wouldn’t even try to figure out why she had to check her votes when the counting was supposedly over. Legally, she can certainly avoid prosecution, but, morally, she won’t be able to escape public persecution. A public office, more than anything else, will work effectively if it enjoyed the trust of it’s constituents. Once the element of trust is lost, the mandate is already considered a mockery.
Personally, I don’t believe in extra-legal means, e.g. people power. One can never correct a mistake by committing another mistake. Otherwise, we’ll all be trapped in a vicious cycle where we’ll all be sucked into eternal damnation of our own making.
I won’t even dare advise her dahil hindi ko abot ang level nya. Aral siya sa US of A, hindi ba? Samantalang, ako ay hamak na Bachelor of Arts graduate lang dito sa ating naghihirap na bayan. Pero may mga pagkakataong katulad ngayon na dapat niyang mas bigyan ng kaukulang pansin ang mga hinaing ng kaniyang konsensiya. Kung tunay siyang makabayan, hindi sapat ang sakripisyo ng kaniyang kabiyak na manatili sa ibang bayan o ang pagpapa-alis na ilang miyembro ng kaniyang gabinete. Kung tunay siyang makabayan, magiging mas mahalaga sa kaniya ang kapakanan ng bayan kaysa personal interest.
Mabilis ang magpatawad pero hindi ang paglimot. May katapat na parusa ayon sa batas ng tao at ng Diyos ang bawat na kasalanan.
Mabilis magbigay ng isa pang pagkakataon pero dapat munang aminin ng bukal sa puso at pagbayaran ang kasalanan.
"I’m Sorry….." Ganoon na lang ba yun?
"6 months pa raw….." Bakit pa?
My golly gee!!!!! We’re talking 4 years here! That’s already one US Presidential term! Come to think of it, what did she do for the Filipino people during those four years? Naayos ba niya ang naghihikahos na buhay ng mga pangkaraniwang tao? Nakaramdam ba ang mga tao ng kahit kaunting pag-unlad ng kanilang kabuhayan? Ewan ko sa iba, pero wala akong naramdamang kahit na anumang uri ng pagbabago maliban sa patuloy na pagbagsak ng ekonomiya.
Hindi ko naman isinasantabi ang aral ng Diyos na "God help those who help themselves." Totoo yun. Walang magandang mangyayari sa ating buhay kung hindi tayo ang kikilos. Kailangang tayo na mismo ang gumawa ng paraan. Pero, bilang pinuno, sa kaniyang mga balikat nakaatang ang mabigat na responsibilidad na akayin ang mga mamamayan tungo sa kaunlaran.
Huwag na nating pag-usapan kung may pandarayag nangyari sa nakaraang halalan dahil wala namang aamin. But, definitely, there’s no denying the growing doubt as to the integrity of PGMA. She has, so far, done anything to make the people believe otherwise.
When the news of the wiretapped tapes came out, instead of getting sensible replies from the administration, the people got false pronouncements, silly threats, illogical statements and bungled attempts of cover-ups. And, after 22 days of arrogant silence, here she is pitifully beseeching and pleading for the people’s forgiveness. She just had a lapse of judgment, for crying out loud. Lapse of judgment? If I remembered my grade school English lessons, you should add "s" to a word when its an event that happened more than once or its number is more than one. She called the Comelec official more than ten times as recorded in those wiretapped tapes! Baka she meant she had lapseS of judgment? Once is negligible, twice might be overlooked, thrice could be forgivable, but more than that? Sakit na yan!
I wouldn’t even try to figure out why she had to check her votes when the counting was supposedly over. Legally, she can certainly avoid prosecution, but, morally, she won’t be able to escape public persecution. A public office, more than anything else, will work effectively if it enjoyed the trust of it’s constituents. Once the element of trust is lost, the mandate is already considered a mockery.
Personally, I don’t believe in extra-legal means, e.g. people power. One can never correct a mistake by committing another mistake. Otherwise, we’ll all be trapped in a vicious cycle where we’ll all be sucked into eternal damnation of our own making.
I won’t even dare advise her dahil hindi ko abot ang level nya. Aral siya sa US of A, hindi ba? Samantalang, ako ay hamak na Bachelor of Arts graduate lang dito sa ating naghihirap na bayan. Pero may mga pagkakataong katulad ngayon na dapat niyang mas bigyan ng kaukulang pansin ang mga hinaing ng kaniyang konsensiya. Kung tunay siyang makabayan, hindi sapat ang sakripisyo ng kaniyang kabiyak na manatili sa ibang bayan o ang pagpapa-alis na ilang miyembro ng kaniyang gabinete. Kung tunay siyang makabayan, magiging mas mahalaga sa kaniya ang kapakanan ng bayan kaysa personal interest.
Mabilis ang magpatawad pero hindi ang paglimot. May katapat na parusa ayon sa batas ng tao at ng Diyos ang bawat na kasalanan.
Mabilis magbigay ng isa pang pagkakataon pero dapat munang aminin ng bukal sa puso at pagbayaran ang kasalanan.
"I’m Sorry….." Ganoon na lang ba yun?
"6 months pa raw….." Bakit pa?
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Independence Day
Carrie Underwood - Independence Day Lyrics
Well she seemed all right by dawn's early light
Though she looked a little worried and weak
She tried to pretend he wasn't drinkin' aagain
But daddy left the proof on her cheek
and I was only eight years old that summer
And I always seemed to be in the way
So I took myself down to the fair in town
On Independence Day
Well word gets a round in a small, small town
They said he was a dangerous man
but Mama was proud and she stood her ground
she knew she was on the losin' end
Some folks whispered some folks talked
but everybody looked the other way
And when time ran out there was no one about
on Independence Day
(Chorus)
let freedom ring, let the white dove sing
let the whole world know that
Today is a day of reckoning
let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
roll The stone away, let the guilty pay,
it’s independence day
Well she lit up the sky that fourth of July
By the time the firemen come
They just put out the flames and took down some names
And send me to the county home
Now I aint sayin' it's right or it's wrong
but maybe it's the only way
Talk about your revolution
It's Indepenedence Day
(Chorus)
let freedom ring, let the white dove sing
let the whole world know that
Today is a day of reckoning
let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
roll The stone away, let the guilty pay,
it’s independence day
Roll the stone away It's Independence Day
www.fatlyrics.com/show/artist/Carrie_Underwood
******
The first time I heard Carrie Underwood singing this song was during the 90's hits week in the fourth season of the American Idol. I immediately fell in love with it's melody but, unfortunately, I had no inkling as to what the song was all about. I was so in awe of Carrie's performance that I actually didn't bother to understand the lyrics.
Now that I was able to listen to the song in its entirety and had read its lyrics, I am, again, in awe. Like Simon Cowell, I have no idea what country music is. But "Independence Day" opened my eyes and ears. Wow! It's pure and simple and it comes from the heart. The music is sassy and catchy, and, the straight-to-the-point words tug the very heartstrings that hold the fragile ties of our emotions together.
This is a serious song about domestic violence and the tragic choice to end it. It can also effectively sing the desperate need to be independent against any kinds of oppression. Wouldn't life be ideal if we could let the weak be strong and let the guilty pay? There should be justice and its corresponding retribution before forgiveness can be bestowed. We'll, then, be able to truly celebrate our independence day.
Well she seemed all right by dawn's early light
Though she looked a little worried and weak
She tried to pretend he wasn't drinkin' aagain
But daddy left the proof on her cheek
and I was only eight years old that summer
And I always seemed to be in the way
So I took myself down to the fair in town
On Independence Day
Well word gets a round in a small, small town
They said he was a dangerous man
but Mama was proud and she stood her ground
she knew she was on the losin' end
Some folks whispered some folks talked
but everybody looked the other way
And when time ran out there was no one about
on Independence Day
(Chorus)
let freedom ring, let the white dove sing
let the whole world know that
Today is a day of reckoning
let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
roll The stone away, let the guilty pay,
it’s independence day
Well she lit up the sky that fourth of July
By the time the firemen come
They just put out the flames and took down some names
And send me to the county home
Now I aint sayin' it's right or it's wrong
but maybe it's the only way
Talk about your revolution
It's Indepenedence Day
(Chorus)
let freedom ring, let the white dove sing
let the whole world know that
Today is a day of reckoning
let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
roll The stone away, let the guilty pay,
it’s independence day
Roll the stone away It's Independence Day
www.fatlyrics.com/show/artist/Carrie_Underwood
******
The first time I heard Carrie Underwood singing this song was during the 90's hits week in the fourth season of the American Idol. I immediately fell in love with it's melody but, unfortunately, I had no inkling as to what the song was all about. I was so in awe of Carrie's performance that I actually didn't bother to understand the lyrics.
Now that I was able to listen to the song in its entirety and had read its lyrics, I am, again, in awe. Like Simon Cowell, I have no idea what country music is. But "Independence Day" opened my eyes and ears. Wow! It's pure and simple and it comes from the heart. The music is sassy and catchy, and, the straight-to-the-point words tug the very heartstrings that hold the fragile ties of our emotions together.
This is a serious song about domestic violence and the tragic choice to end it. It can also effectively sing the desperate need to be independent against any kinds of oppression. Wouldn't life be ideal if we could let the weak be strong and let the guilty pay? There should be justice and its corresponding retribution before forgiveness can be bestowed. We'll, then, be able to truly celebrate our independence day.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
muffled thoughts #09
What would you change in your life if you'll be granted the opportunity to live it all over again?
At the risk of being accused of dwelling in the could've beens and might've beens, I welcome the idea of change. I had done a lot of things in my youth that I now wholeheartedly regret.
~ I should've majored in Literature instead of Asian Studies. Although I did enjoy learning all those things Japanese, I can't help but wonder what would've happend if I had pursued one of my dreams. Would I feel the satisfaction that I continually crave for? Would I be able to outgrow the insecurity that I can't ignore?
~ I should've been nicer. If by any miraculous circumstance, YOU're able to read this, I sincerely apologize for being a BITCH. Looking back, I've realized that it could've been a start of a beautiful freindship but I messed it up. Hopefully, one day, we'll see each other and I can finally say "Sorry" that is already 24 (and counting....) years too late.
~ I should've not acted such a brat when maturity in decision-making was badly needed. Because of my stubbornness, I lost so much that it would take this lifetime, and then some, to make up for it.
~ I should've thought of the future instead of focusing on the present. No one can't stop the passage of time and all of us will be facing the inevitability. Instead of selfishly enjoying the present, I should've started planning for the future.
At the risk of being accused of dwelling in the could've beens and might've beens, I welcome the idea of change. I had done a lot of things in my youth that I now wholeheartedly regret.
~ I should've majored in Literature instead of Asian Studies. Although I did enjoy learning all those things Japanese, I can't help but wonder what would've happend if I had pursued one of my dreams. Would I feel the satisfaction that I continually crave for? Would I be able to outgrow the insecurity that I can't ignore?
~ I should've been nicer. If by any miraculous circumstance, YOU're able to read this, I sincerely apologize for being a BITCH. Looking back, I've realized that it could've been a start of a beautiful freindship but I messed it up. Hopefully, one day, we'll see each other and I can finally say "Sorry" that is already 24 (and counting....) years too late.
~ I should've not acted such a brat when maturity in decision-making was badly needed. Because of my stubbornness, I lost so much that it would take this lifetime, and then some, to make up for it.
~ I should've thought of the future instead of focusing on the present. No one can't stop the passage of time and all of us will be facing the inevitability. Instead of selfishly enjoying the present, I should've started planning for the future.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
muddled thoughts #07
What would you do if you heard not-so-good things about your friend? Would you immediately inform your friend about them or would you just keep your peace?
It is never easy to tell anybody, especially to a friend, that there are gossips, more so when its downright malicious, about him/her going around. Personally, I strive to keep my nose out of other people's business, but for some strange reasons, their stories always find their way to my attention and, in turn, I always find myself in a dilemma. Shoud I or should I not?
Let's say you've decided to tell your friend, would you relate them word for word? And when would you tell your friend? Is there ever a right time?
And if you opted to ignore the rumors, what can be the possible consequences of your choice?
I guess the real question here is: would it be better to be ignorant of what's hurtful or would it be better to be aware of what's going on?
It is never easy to tell anybody, especially to a friend, that there are gossips, more so when its downright malicious, about him/her going around. Personally, I strive to keep my nose out of other people's business, but for some strange reasons, their stories always find their way to my attention and, in turn, I always find myself in a dilemma. Shoud I or should I not?
Let's say you've decided to tell your friend, would you relate them word for word? And when would you tell your friend? Is there ever a right time?
And if you opted to ignore the rumors, what can be the possible consequences of your choice?
I guess the real question here is: would it be better to be ignorant of what's hurtful or would it be better to be aware of what's going on?
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Happy Father's Day
For some inexplicable pyschological thingy, although others may claim it more as an incurable trauma, parents see their children as forever 3-year olds who are struggling to utter their first words and take those tentative wobbly steps. Be it unconditional love or plain distrust, parents often find letting go of their children the hardest thing to do. Somehow, the memories of their children stumbling along life's rough road scare the heck out of them. On the other hand, it can be downright irritating to those offsprings who want to assert their independence.
I am not a parent so I honestly have no idea why parents are the way they are. And, yes, I also get terribly annoyed when my decisions are questioned. It definitely does not help in proving your maturity when your parents scold you for choosing brewed coffee instead of full cream milk.
But I have a confession to make though. No matter how strong is the need to prove my worth as an individual, I still would gladly remain a clinging 3-year old to my father. Yes, I am a daddy's girl and mighty proud of it.
As far back as I can recall, I have always been closer to my father. In a way, we're not just parent and child. We're good friends. I can talk to him about anything and everything, even the latest entertainment gossip. He's the one person in this world who doesn't judge my mistakes, instead help me understand what went wrong. He would wholeheartedly take away all my burdens and carry them all by himself.
My only regret is that I still can't offer to him the life's luxuries he so richly deserves. I want him to enjoy instead of helping me fight my battles.
Happy Father's Day, Pa! We may not be an affectionate family but we know in our hearts the immeasurable depths of the love and respect we have for each other. One day, Pa, we'll visit your birthplace together and you can regale all your childhood adventures to me again while feasting on boiled yams and steaming black oolong tea.
I am not a parent so I honestly have no idea why parents are the way they are. And, yes, I also get terribly annoyed when my decisions are questioned. It definitely does not help in proving your maturity when your parents scold you for choosing brewed coffee instead of full cream milk.
But I have a confession to make though. No matter how strong is the need to prove my worth as an individual, I still would gladly remain a clinging 3-year old to my father. Yes, I am a daddy's girl and mighty proud of it.
As far back as I can recall, I have always been closer to my father. In a way, we're not just parent and child. We're good friends. I can talk to him about anything and everything, even the latest entertainment gossip. He's the one person in this world who doesn't judge my mistakes, instead help me understand what went wrong. He would wholeheartedly take away all my burdens and carry them all by himself.
My only regret is that I still can't offer to him the life's luxuries he so richly deserves. I want him to enjoy instead of helping me fight my battles.
Happy Father's Day, Pa! We may not be an affectionate family but we know in our hearts the immeasurable depths of the love and respect we have for each other. One day, Pa, we'll visit your birthplace together and you can regale all your childhood adventures to me again while feasting on boiled yams and steaming black oolong tea.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Last Song Syndrome #02
Inside Your Heaven
www.fatlyrics.com/show/artist/Carrie_Underwood
I’ve been down
Now I’m blessed
I felt a revelation comin’ around
I guess it’s right
It’s so amazing
Everytime I see you, I’m alive
You’re all I’ve got
You lift me up
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes
I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
I wanna be the one to hold you
Every bit of air you’re breathing in
A soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven
When minutes turn to days and years
If mountains form I’ll still be here
Holding you until the day I die
I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
I wanna be the one to hold you
Every bit of air you’re breathing in
A soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven
Oh yes I do
I wanna be inside your heaven
www.fatlyrics.com/show/artist/Carrie_Underwood
I’ve been down
Now I’m blessed
I felt a revelation comin’ around
I guess it’s right
It’s so amazing
Everytime I see you, I’m alive
You’re all I’ve got
You lift me up
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes
I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
I wanna be the one to hold you
Every bit of air you’re breathing in
A soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven
When minutes turn to days and years
If mountains form I’ll still be here
Holding you until the day I die
I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
I wanna be the one to hold you
Every bit of air you’re breathing in
A soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven
Oh yes I do
I wanna be inside your heaven
Monday, June 13, 2005
muddled thoughts #06
Whether it was intentional or otherwise, we were fed with generous helpings of the notion that someday our Mr. Right will come along and we will live happily ever after. It's the most romantic thought, and there's absolutely no doubt about it, but is it true? I mean, is there, for a fact, a real Mr. Right out there for every female person in this world? For that matter, how would we know Mr. Right from all the men we've met then, have met and will meet? And, most especially, what makes a man Mr. Right?
At the risk of sounding like a griping old maid (Ha! Ha! Ha!), is every person pre-destined to meet his/her match? Or is it possible that there are some percentage of humanity fated to enjoy singlehood instead?
At the risk of sounding like a griping old maid (Ha! Ha! Ha!), is every person pre-destined to meet his/her match? Or is it possible that there are some percentage of humanity fated to enjoy singlehood instead?
Sunday, June 12, 2005
muddled thoughts #05
if given the chance, would you choose the man who you love with all your heart or would you choose the man who simply loves you more?
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
silver lining
i can see the sun shyly peeking
as the angels separate the clouds.
is this the fabled silver lining?
can i now sing my wishes aloud?
i'm now starting to see all things bright
and turn towards the positive side of life.
maybe now i can make the wrongs right
and finally surrender the emotional knife.
the rains have stopped pouring
and so are the tears in my heart.
i know this is my new beginning
even though i have been torn apart.
i am praying for a chance
to live my life anew.
possibly, i can even do a little dance
to celebrate my dreams coming true.
as the angels separate the clouds.
is this the fabled silver lining?
can i now sing my wishes aloud?
i'm now starting to see all things bright
and turn towards the positive side of life.
maybe now i can make the wrongs right
and finally surrender the emotional knife.
the rains have stopped pouring
and so are the tears in my heart.
i know this is my new beginning
even though i have been torn apart.
i am praying for a chance
to live my life anew.
possibly, i can even do a little dance
to celebrate my dreams coming true.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Updates on My To-Do List for 2005
The first half of the 2005 is almost over, let's see how did I do so far....
1. finish reading A Tale of Two Cities (after, would you believe, 14 years?!? I never went past the line "....these are the best of times, these are the worst of times..."
~ How can I possibly finish this book when I can't find my copy? I really hope one of these days (in the very near future!) I can actually look for it, find it, read it and finish it.
2. dye my hair (scary thought! hehehehehe)
~ I did try the henna treatment and that's the most adventurous thing I can afford to be when it comes to my hair. Like I keep on saying, I'm really scared of change and as trivial as it may sound, I'm actually afraid. Guess, I'll just have to give up on the blue streak thingy.
3. watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy (so I can join the rest of the world? hehehehe)
~Oh boy! Another must-do that I haven't started doing anything at all. My brother even got me the book to kindah whet my interest but, unfortunately, to no avail. I just couldn't muster the enthusiasm to join Frodo's perilous journey.
4. remember to always keep my mouth shut (HARDY-HAR-HAR!)
~ Oh Lord!(oops! My bad! It just kindah got out, ok?) This is hard, keeping my mouth shut, especially when I'm with my friends. But, I AM TRYING....
5. go to a spa (can I go now? please...... )
~ Top on my wish list!!!!!
6. post more of my muddled and not-so-muddled thoughts (Oh no! I'm not that super-duper-uber stressed out! hahahaha)
~ This I would be more than willing to do. There are times though I run out of words, or, worse, my thoughts run out on me! hahahahahaha
7. write the ending of my fanfic (so I can live peacefully ever after! hahahaha)
~ Oh Yeah! I added two chapters!!!!! Now, if only I can get to the ending.... hmmm.....
8. always be thankful and be aware of my blessings (unfortunately, most of them I don't deserve...... )
~ I'll never get tired of saying "Thank You"! Wait, I haven't finished my list....
9. stop focusing on negative thoughts (so I can do my visualization exercises effectively? hmmmmm..... )
~ Negative thoughts and me.... hmmmm.... we kindah go well together.... he he he
10. clean my room (UGH!)
~ What's the difference between my room then and now? Is there? HA HA HA HA
11. let go (Life is Short)
~ Amen to that!
12. Time to try the South Bitch, I mean Beach, diet (HAHAHAHAHA)
~ South Beath What?!? HA HA HA
1. finish reading A Tale of Two Cities (after, would you believe, 14 years?!? I never went past the line "....these are the best of times, these are the worst of times..."
~ How can I possibly finish this book when I can't find my copy? I really hope one of these days (in the very near future!) I can actually look for it, find it, read it and finish it.
2. dye my hair (scary thought! hehehehehe)
~ I did try the henna treatment and that's the most adventurous thing I can afford to be when it comes to my hair. Like I keep on saying, I'm really scared of change and as trivial as it may sound, I'm actually afraid. Guess, I'll just have to give up on the blue streak thingy.
3. watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy (so I can join the rest of the world? hehehehe)
~Oh boy! Another must-do that I haven't started doing anything at all. My brother even got me the book to kindah whet my interest but, unfortunately, to no avail. I just couldn't muster the enthusiasm to join Frodo's perilous journey.
4. remember to always keep my mouth shut (HARDY-HAR-HAR!)
~ Oh Lord!(oops! My bad! It just kindah got out, ok?) This is hard, keeping my mouth shut, especially when I'm with my friends. But, I AM TRYING....
5. go to a spa (can I go now? please...... )
~ Top on my wish list!!!!!
6. post more of my muddled and not-so-muddled thoughts (Oh no! I'm not that super-duper-uber stressed out! hahahaha)
~ This I would be more than willing to do. There are times though I run out of words, or, worse, my thoughts run out on me! hahahahahaha
7. write the ending of my fanfic (so I can live peacefully ever after! hahahaha)
~ Oh Yeah! I added two chapters!!!!! Now, if only I can get to the ending.... hmmm.....
8. always be thankful and be aware of my blessings (unfortunately, most of them I don't deserve...... )
~ I'll never get tired of saying "Thank You"! Wait, I haven't finished my list....
9. stop focusing on negative thoughts (so I can do my visualization exercises effectively? hmmmmm..... )
~ Negative thoughts and me.... hmmmm.... we kindah go well together.... he he he
10. clean my room (UGH!)
~ What's the difference between my room then and now? Is there? HA HA HA HA
11. let go (Life is Short)
~ Amen to that!
12. Time to try the South Bitch, I mean Beach, diet (HAHAHAHAHA)
~ South Beath What?!? HA HA HA
Monday, June 06, 2005
muffled thoughts #08
Are you familiar with this song sang by the Bangles?
"It's six o'clock already
and I'm just in the middle of a dream.
I was kissing Valentino
in a crystal blue Italian stream.
But I can't be late
or I guess I won't get paid.
These are the days
when you wish your bed is already made.
It's just another manic monday
Wish it was sunday
'Coz that's my fun day
My I-don't-have-to-run day..."
*****
Oh yeah, mondays and me, we just don't go well together. There's something about this day that doesn't sit well with my disposition. Is it psychological? Maybe..... Childhood trauma? Not that I can recall any...YET... Fear? Whatever.....
"It's six o'clock already
and I'm just in the middle of a dream.
I was kissing Valentino
in a crystal blue Italian stream.
But I can't be late
or I guess I won't get paid.
These are the days
when you wish your bed is already made.
It's just another manic monday
Wish it was sunday
'Coz that's my fun day
My I-don't-have-to-run day..."
*****
Oh yeah, mondays and me, we just don't go well together. There's something about this day that doesn't sit well with my disposition. Is it psychological? Maybe..... Childhood trauma? Not that I can recall any...YET... Fear? Whatever.....
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Job Hunting
It's been more than a decade since I went through the usual rounds of written and oral examinations normally required for a job seeker to take. Amazingly, the process is still the same and I honestly believe even the test questions are the very ones I took way back then. I'm sure, somehow, there are changes but the only thing glaringly obvious to me is ME.
I can't actually put into words the emotions going through me as I see these fresh graduates excitedly comparing notes, what schools they're from, what companies they've applied to, etc. Maybe, I have turned cynical with time and, yes, experience, but hearing their innocent chatter makes me realize that, yes, I still have some semblance of idealistic dreams left. I don't know what will happen next or will I ever be given another chance to prove something to myself in spite of the age factor, but this experience instill a glimmer of hope within me.
Maybe I can turn things around..... soon....
I can't actually put into words the emotions going through me as I see these fresh graduates excitedly comparing notes, what schools they're from, what companies they've applied to, etc. Maybe, I have turned cynical with time and, yes, experience, but hearing their innocent chatter makes me realize that, yes, I still have some semblance of idealistic dreams left. I don't know what will happen next or will I ever be given another chance to prove something to myself in spite of the age factor, but this experience instill a glimmer of hope within me.
Maybe I can turn things around..... soon....
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
it's not easy
it's not easy to say goodbye
when i'm feeling this way
it's hard not to cry
when i can't freely say
how can i live my life
without you by my side
is it possible to even try
without you as my guide
it's not easy to let you go
when you own my heart
it's hard not to show
when you've torn me apart
how can i go on living
now that i had lost my soul
will i see a silver lining
or will i continue to fall
when i'm feeling this way
it's hard not to cry
when i can't freely say
how can i live my life
without you by my side
is it possible to even try
without you as my guide
it's not easy to let you go
when you own my heart
it's hard not to show
when you've torn me apart
how can i go on living
now that i had lost my soul
will i see a silver lining
or will i continue to fall
Monday, May 30, 2005
Il Mare
I wasn't really that keen on the korean movie, "Il Mare", when a good friend passed her copy to me, even though the lead actress is one of my favorites. It didn't pique an ounce of curiosity. So, I just left the video gathering dust on the shelf. Then, I saw this news item that Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves' plan to make a hollywood version. Hmmm.... Maybe it's time I should take a peek after all.
True to my fear, the first few minutes were confusing and boring. I kept on crunching my eyebrows as I tried to unravel the mystery. One thing's clear though, the mailbox was a time portal that connects 1997 to 1999.....
Without me actually noticing it, I began to feel the excitement brewing as the the two lead characters start to share their thoughts, feelings and dreams through their unique correspondence. I guess the main theme of this film is that true love knows no bounds, be it time or space. True love will find a way for the lovers to meet and it will prevail.
Oh yeah, the romantic in me celebrates this film and has been berating the cynic in me for ignoring it. More than the "and they lived happily ever after" ending, I believe this film is really about choices. They both made their choices. Their choices might have disrupted the balance of life, yet, life does go on. And it will continue to go on, as long as there are lovers brave enough to overcome the obstacles life hurls on their ways.
True to my fear, the first few minutes were confusing and boring. I kept on crunching my eyebrows as I tried to unravel the mystery. One thing's clear though, the mailbox was a time portal that connects 1997 to 1999.....
Without me actually noticing it, I began to feel the excitement brewing as the the two lead characters start to share their thoughts, feelings and dreams through their unique correspondence. I guess the main theme of this film is that true love knows no bounds, be it time or space. True love will find a way for the lovers to meet and it will prevail.
Oh yeah, the romantic in me celebrates this film and has been berating the cynic in me for ignoring it. More than the "and they lived happily ever after" ending, I believe this film is really about choices. They both made their choices. Their choices might have disrupted the balance of life, yet, life does go on. And it will continue to go on, as long as there are lovers brave enough to overcome the obstacles life hurls on their ways.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
helplessness
who would you turn to
when no one seems to care
what would help you through
when it feels too much to bear
this helplessness is nothing like before
although i had faced a lot
darkness surrounds me with the closing of the door
this will take more than what i got
sighing helps to ease some of the pain
but it's still here staring at my face
i need to know who can stop the rain
or if somebody can take my place
when no one seems to care
what would help you through
when it feels too much to bear
this helplessness is nothing like before
although i had faced a lot
darkness surrounds me with the closing of the door
this will take more than what i got
sighing helps to ease some of the pain
but it's still here staring at my face
i need to know who can stop the rain
or if somebody can take my place
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Headaches
As far back as I can recall, I started having these headaches when I was in college, more so during the three terms I was enrolled in the MBA program. It was a blinding sort of headache. It felt like the veins were hopelessly entangled and some obnoxious brats were thumping their drums non-stop inside my head. The weirdest thing was that the pain was confined only at one side of my head. Before, I would always blame the excessive (Yeah, sure!) studying (Actually, what I meant was cramming! ha ha ha). But now, I still have these headaches and it's been like forever since I finished school.
In an attempt to figure out how to prevent these headaches and be permanently dependent on painkillers (what a scary thought!), I've listed down the possible causes.
1. Stress - Oh boy! I can honestly say that "stress" is my middle name at the moment. With all the things (especially when I still didn't know who would be the next American Idol! ha ha ha) happening around me, I've been getting only two hours of sleep for the past week. I know that I should try to take it easy but there are things you just can't ignore. Maybe I should take up cross-stitching again?
2. Food - Oh yeah! I've been eating a lot of fast food stuff lately instead of eating the "good" food.
3. Coffee - There are a lot of conflicting health reports regarding the effect of caffeine that I'm at a loss here. Should I or should I not? Oh well, I do try to limit my daily intake to two mugs. Let's see...
4. Heat - One thing's for sure, headache or no headache, this (*%^%&)&*%^^$(* heat is killing me.
What to do now? Hmmm..... maybe, it's time to slow down and take a break? Maybe I should consult with a specialist? Maybe, I need to get a real life? ;)
In an attempt to figure out how to prevent these headaches and be permanently dependent on painkillers (what a scary thought!), I've listed down the possible causes.
1. Stress - Oh boy! I can honestly say that "stress" is my middle name at the moment. With all the things (especially when I still didn't know who would be the next American Idol! ha ha ha) happening around me, I've been getting only two hours of sleep for the past week. I know that I should try to take it easy but there are things you just can't ignore. Maybe I should take up cross-stitching again?
2. Food - Oh yeah! I've been eating a lot of fast food stuff lately instead of eating the "good" food.
3. Coffee - There are a lot of conflicting health reports regarding the effect of caffeine that I'm at a loss here. Should I or should I not? Oh well, I do try to limit my daily intake to two mugs. Let's see...
4. Heat - One thing's for sure, headache or no headache, this (*%^%&)&*%^^$(* heat is killing me.
What to do now? Hmmm..... maybe, it's time to slow down and take a break? Maybe I should consult with a specialist? Maybe, I need to get a real life? ;)
Monday, May 23, 2005
Amazing Race 7
Finally, it is over!!!! It's been a heart-stopping race towards the ultimate prize that is a million dollars!
First, I have to admit this. I'm not a certified Amazing Race fan. Usually, I just wait for the final race before I sit down in front of my trusty TV set and savor the excitement. But this season is a bit different. How so? Rob and Amber, that's why!
I never watch a single episode of Survivor. I can't understand what's so great about it. So when I heard that a Suvivor couple would join the race, I went "Duh?!?" But, then, my curiosity was somehow piqued with the things I've heard about them. Besides, I figured out that it's time I follow the race from the beginning.
There they were. The 11 pairs were trying not to be the first to be eliminated. Hmm..... There seemed to be nothing extra-ordinary about Rob and Amber, well, except that my blood curdled at the mere sight of Rob's smirk.
So, the race went on. Oh my!!!!! I was aware that the Amazing Race was a competition and there was absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to win. But conspiring with the driver not to open the door? It might have appeared to be a harmless prank to some but I was beginning to clearly see the meanness in Rob and Amber.
Ok, without a doubt, they were a strong team and they were actually very good in outwitting the other teams. But, in order to survive in Life's race, you just don't need a working mind, you also need to have a beating heart. You need a heart that is big enough to go for the win and, at the same time, be considerate towards the people with you.
I guess, in a karmic sort of way, that's where Rob and Amber lost to Uchena and Joyce. The former were so engrossed in their "win" that they forgot life is a cycle. You reap what you sow. It may not be immediate but it will happen accordingly.
I'm not saying that Uchena and Joyce didn't deserve to win. They do and I'm sure most of the audience were cheering them on. It would be hypocritical to say that they joined the contest not because of the money. They wanted that one million dollars badly but, somehow, they're able to prove that helping your fellow racers won't hurt your chances. It would instead "guide" you to the right patch and everything will fall into it's proper place. Uchena can never be more right when he said that he gave out love that's why he got love in return.
Good luck to Uchena and Joyce! May God grant their fondest wish!
First, I have to admit this. I'm not a certified Amazing Race fan. Usually, I just wait for the final race before I sit down in front of my trusty TV set and savor the excitement. But this season is a bit different. How so? Rob and Amber, that's why!
I never watch a single episode of Survivor. I can't understand what's so great about it. So when I heard that a Suvivor couple would join the race, I went "Duh?!?" But, then, my curiosity was somehow piqued with the things I've heard about them. Besides, I figured out that it's time I follow the race from the beginning.
There they were. The 11 pairs were trying not to be the first to be eliminated. Hmm..... There seemed to be nothing extra-ordinary about Rob and Amber, well, except that my blood curdled at the mere sight of Rob's smirk.
So, the race went on. Oh my!!!!! I was aware that the Amazing Race was a competition and there was absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to win. But conspiring with the driver not to open the door? It might have appeared to be a harmless prank to some but I was beginning to clearly see the meanness in Rob and Amber.
Ok, without a doubt, they were a strong team and they were actually very good in outwitting the other teams. But, in order to survive in Life's race, you just don't need a working mind, you also need to have a beating heart. You need a heart that is big enough to go for the win and, at the same time, be considerate towards the people with you.
I guess, in a karmic sort of way, that's where Rob and Amber lost to Uchena and Joyce. The former were so engrossed in their "win" that they forgot life is a cycle. You reap what you sow. It may not be immediate but it will happen accordingly.
I'm not saying that Uchena and Joyce didn't deserve to win. They do and I'm sure most of the audience were cheering them on. It would be hypocritical to say that they joined the contest not because of the money. They wanted that one million dollars badly but, somehow, they're able to prove that helping your fellow racers won't hurt your chances. It would instead "guide" you to the right patch and everything will fall into it's proper place. Uchena can never be more right when he said that he gave out love that's why he got love in return.
Good luck to Uchena and Joyce! May God grant their fondest wish!
Sunday, May 22, 2005
questions
who would you turn to
when no one seems to care?
what would help you through
when it feels too much to bear?
this helplessness is nothing like before
although i had faced a lot.
darkness surrounds with the closing of the door,
this will take more than what i've got.
sighing helps to ease some of the pain
but it's still there staring at my face.
i need to know who stop the rain
or if somebody can take my place.
i so want to surrender
but i knew it's not right.
i should instead be braver
to see all things bright.
but how can that be
when the noose is tightening?
will a miracle come to me
and let me see the blessing?
when no one seems to care?
what would help you through
when it feels too much to bear?
this helplessness is nothing like before
although i had faced a lot.
darkness surrounds with the closing of the door,
this will take more than what i've got.
sighing helps to ease some of the pain
but it's still there staring at my face.
i need to know who stop the rain
or if somebody can take my place.
i so want to surrender
but i knew it's not right.
i should instead be braver
to see all things bright.
but how can that be
when the noose is tightening?
will a miracle come to me
and let me see the blessing?
Saturday, May 21, 2005
muffled thoughts #07
This is not how I pictured my life to be. I had the grandest of dreams then. I was going to be a successful somebody and everybody will know who I am.
It was a nice dream but it didn’t appear to have a chance of coming true.
*****
My first ambition was to become a teacher. I used to line up all of my dolls and stuffed toys on the bed and carefully taught them the ABCs and 123s. I even had a small blackboard where I would write the lesson for the day. Using my older siblings’ story books, I regaled my "students" with fairy tales. Come to think of it, where is my pop-up Cinderella book?
When I started school, I began to see myself as a doctor, a pediatrician to be exact. Why? I had this notion that I would not encounter anything bloody if I specialized in children’s ailments. That is why again? I had, and still have, this aversion to blood. My knees involuntarily weaken and my hands tremble uncontrollably at the mere sight of that red liquid oozing out from wounds. Gross!
As I grew older, I became more fascinated with the workings of the human mind, the different personalities, etc. I was so excited to study more about it but I unfortunately met this ogre of a professor and I got scared. So, instead of going after my dream, I took the coward’s way out and settled for second best.
In hindsight, I should have majored in Literature instead but I guess some things are just not meant to be. Well, look at me now. I’m neither a somebody nor anybody.
What did I do wrong? I made a lot of wrong choices because I didn’t think. I was all for "Seize the Day" then. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it’s not right to follow your instincts but it’s definitely wiser if we stop for a while and think of the possible consequences of our actions. All of us are born with the intelligence and abilities we need to survive but we still need to choose what, when and how to use them. If only…
Now that I’ve wasted more than half of my life, what is there for me to do? Should I continue to believe in my dreams? Should I attempt to salvage what’s left of my dreams? Should I start over again? Should I even try at all?
It was a nice dream but it didn’t appear to have a chance of coming true.
*****
My first ambition was to become a teacher. I used to line up all of my dolls and stuffed toys on the bed and carefully taught them the ABCs and 123s. I even had a small blackboard where I would write the lesson for the day. Using my older siblings’ story books, I regaled my "students" with fairy tales. Come to think of it, where is my pop-up Cinderella book?
When I started school, I began to see myself as a doctor, a pediatrician to be exact. Why? I had this notion that I would not encounter anything bloody if I specialized in children’s ailments. That is why again? I had, and still have, this aversion to blood. My knees involuntarily weaken and my hands tremble uncontrollably at the mere sight of that red liquid oozing out from wounds. Gross!
As I grew older, I became more fascinated with the workings of the human mind, the different personalities, etc. I was so excited to study more about it but I unfortunately met this ogre of a professor and I got scared. So, instead of going after my dream, I took the coward’s way out and settled for second best.
In hindsight, I should have majored in Literature instead but I guess some things are just not meant to be. Well, look at me now. I’m neither a somebody nor anybody.
What did I do wrong? I made a lot of wrong choices because I didn’t think. I was all for "Seize the Day" then. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it’s not right to follow your instincts but it’s definitely wiser if we stop for a while and think of the possible consequences of our actions. All of us are born with the intelligence and abilities we need to survive but we still need to choose what, when and how to use them. If only…
Now that I’ve wasted more than half of my life, what is there for me to do? Should I continue to believe in my dreams? Should I attempt to salvage what’s left of my dreams? Should I start over again? Should I even try at all?
Monday, May 09, 2005
muddled thoughts #04
how can you find the answer
when you don't know the question?
how can you catch a glimpse of the sun
when you intentionally close your eyes?
how can you let go of the pain
when you continually stab the wound?
how can you think of a better tomorrow
when you can't even live your yesterday?
desperation is never part of my plan
i was all for the grandeur that dreams bought
but reality sets in when the sun rises
how can i live my dreams
when everything is just make believe?
how can i breathe easily
when tears never cease to choke me?
how can I see the light to guide my way
when misery has shrouded my path?
how can i even believe
when fate has taken everything from me?
frustration is the only emotion that my heart recognizes
maybe one day when the rain has stopped
maybe.....
when you don't know the question?
how can you catch a glimpse of the sun
when you intentionally close your eyes?
how can you let go of the pain
when you continually stab the wound?
how can you think of a better tomorrow
when you can't even live your yesterday?
desperation is never part of my plan
i was all for the grandeur that dreams bought
but reality sets in when the sun rises
how can i live my dreams
when everything is just make believe?
how can i breathe easily
when tears never cease to choke me?
how can I see the light to guide my way
when misery has shrouded my path?
how can i even believe
when fate has taken everything from me?
frustration is the only emotion that my heart recognizes
maybe one day when the rain has stopped
maybe.....
Monday, May 02, 2005
idol thoughts #1
Familiar with the little girl in the shampoo TV ad? She is the flower girl who shrieked her heart (and lungs) out for her mommy when the ring bearer messed with her hair. Well, I did something similar to it when I first heard about Constantine Maroulis being voted out of American Idol last week.
I first noticed Constantine during the auditions. There was a feature on him, with Ryan Seacrest tagging along, breaking the news to his band mates that he is leaving their group to join search for the next American Idol. Understandably, his band mates weren’t exactly jumping joy. There were, I recall, some shouting and a bit of musical instruments banging around. Anyway, to cut this story short, America must have seen something in this Greek rocker because he was voted in to the Top 12 finalists of this season’s American Idol.
Week after week, Constantine charmed the audience with his velvety voice and, as Simon Cowell called it, smoldering look. I didn’t, for one second, think it would be possible for anyone to break the spell he had over America. Well, until last week that is.
Ok, so maybe, he’s more of a performer than a singer (I just can’t seem to stop hearing Randy Jackson’s voice in my head saying over and over again, "This is a singing contest.") but I don’t believe his fans mind at all. In fact, he was never in the group of three finalists with the least number of votes since the start of the competition. So, what went wrong?
Song choice? The six idol finalists were asked to choose among the songs released from the year 2000 up to the present and Constantine chose . Personally, I don’t dig rock music but Simon and Randy were right in saying that a true singer is somebody who can sing any kind of song and people would willingly listen to him/her.
Performance? I almost swoon over his rendition of ‘My Funny Valentine’ during the Musical week and I was literally in awe when he sang "Bohemian Rhapsody" for their Birth Year theme. Boy, this guy really owns the stage or what! But, no matter how I tried, I couldn’t feel any semblance of excitement in his performance last week. Hmmm…… Maybe it’s because I’m not familiar with the song after all or I was just plain scared of getting hit by his kicking all over the stage? Whatever the reason was, I still didn’t think it was possible he would be in the bottom three, much less be voted out. My goodness! Constantine Maroulis is one of the more, if not, most popular idol finalist this season. There’s no way his fans would not vote for him Actually, I was more concerned for Carrie Underwood last week but that’s a different story.
When American Idol host Ryan Seacrest gave a hint at the start of the result show that the person to leave the competition has a cumulative votes of 35 million, the possibility still didn’t cross my mind. Then, there were two groups, Carrie and Bo Bice, and Vonzell Solomon and Anthony Fedorov. Ryan asked the remaining finalists seated on the sofa, Constantine and Scott Savol, to choose the group where they want to be in. Both joined Carrie and Bo before Ryan announced them to be the top group and Constantine was in the wrong group.
I could feel the shock waves engulfing the studio. Constantine in the bottom 3? Unbelievable! But the worst is yet to come. After Ryan asked Vonzell to join Bo, Carrie and Scott, he dropped the bomb. Constantine is out of the competition.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Constantine!!!!!!!!" I couldn’t believe it then and I still wouldn’t believe it now. It really boggles the mind until this very minute how Constantine ended up with the least number of votes last week. One thing is for sure though, everything is possible in American Idol.
I first noticed Constantine during the auditions. There was a feature on him, with Ryan Seacrest tagging along, breaking the news to his band mates that he is leaving their group to join search for the next American Idol. Understandably, his band mates weren’t exactly jumping joy. There were, I recall, some shouting and a bit of musical instruments banging around. Anyway, to cut this story short, America must have seen something in this Greek rocker because he was voted in to the Top 12 finalists of this season’s American Idol.
Week after week, Constantine charmed the audience with his velvety voice and, as Simon Cowell called it, smoldering look. I didn’t, for one second, think it would be possible for anyone to break the spell he had over America. Well, until last week that is.
Ok, so maybe, he’s more of a performer than a singer (I just can’t seem to stop hearing Randy Jackson’s voice in my head saying over and over again, "This is a singing contest.") but I don’t believe his fans mind at all. In fact, he was never in the group of three finalists with the least number of votes since the start of the competition. So, what went wrong?
Song choice? The six idol finalists were asked to choose among the songs released from the year 2000 up to the present and Constantine chose . Personally, I don’t dig rock music but Simon and Randy were right in saying that a true singer is somebody who can sing any kind of song and people would willingly listen to him/her.
Performance? I almost swoon over his rendition of ‘My Funny Valentine’ during the Musical week and I was literally in awe when he sang "Bohemian Rhapsody" for their Birth Year theme. Boy, this guy really owns the stage or what! But, no matter how I tried, I couldn’t feel any semblance of excitement in his performance last week. Hmmm…… Maybe it’s because I’m not familiar with the song after all or I was just plain scared of getting hit by his kicking all over the stage? Whatever the reason was, I still didn’t think it was possible he would be in the bottom three, much less be voted out. My goodness! Constantine Maroulis is one of the more, if not, most popular idol finalist this season. There’s no way his fans would not vote for him Actually, I was more concerned for Carrie Underwood last week but that’s a different story.
When American Idol host Ryan Seacrest gave a hint at the start of the result show that the person to leave the competition has a cumulative votes of 35 million, the possibility still didn’t cross my mind. Then, there were two groups, Carrie and Bo Bice, and Vonzell Solomon and Anthony Fedorov. Ryan asked the remaining finalists seated on the sofa, Constantine and Scott Savol, to choose the group where they want to be in. Both joined Carrie and Bo before Ryan announced them to be the top group and Constantine was in the wrong group.
I could feel the shock waves engulfing the studio. Constantine in the bottom 3? Unbelievable! But the worst is yet to come. After Ryan asked Vonzell to join Bo, Carrie and Scott, he dropped the bomb. Constantine is out of the competition.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Constantine!!!!!!!!" I couldn’t believe it then and I still wouldn’t believe it now. It really boggles the mind until this very minute how Constantine ended up with the least number of votes last week. One thing is for sure though, everything is possible in American Idol.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
muffled thoughts #06
What was the one TV series that was synonymous to my high school life? As in, I won't be able to think of the one without the other? As in, this show made a DIFFERENCE to my life back then.... REMINGTON STEELE....
For some inexplicable reasons, I was so hooked on to this show... illogically enamored with this suave, mysteries, and old movie fan con-artist who assumed into the persona of this fictitious detective called Remington Steele. Maybe because of the girl power Stephanie Zimbalist's character, Laura Holt, was trying to project then. Maybe because Pierce Brosnan was so cool in it. Maybe because I was just a sucker for romantic comedies? Oh well.... ;)
So, how did this show affect my life? Well, for one thing, I always got reprimanded by my teachers, especially my English 3 teacher, during tuesdays. Why? Because the show was on Monday nights and I JUST HAD TO REVIEW AND ANALYZE each episode with my seatmate with nary a thought on the ongoing lesson... hehehehehehe It's a wonder how I passed then. Hey, that's another story....
The best thing that Remington Steele gave to me is my friend. Oh yeah, the friendship started because of that mutual love for this show. Or should I say, television? Anyway, that mutual thing carried us through the years and now we're still watching TV and loving every minute of American Idol! HAHAHAHAHAHA
I'll be right back after the break ;)
For some inexplicable reasons, I was so hooked on to this show... illogically enamored with this suave, mysteries, and old movie fan con-artist who assumed into the persona of this fictitious detective called Remington Steele. Maybe because of the girl power Stephanie Zimbalist's character, Laura Holt, was trying to project then. Maybe because Pierce Brosnan was so cool in it. Maybe because I was just a sucker for romantic comedies? Oh well.... ;)
So, how did this show affect my life? Well, for one thing, I always got reprimanded by my teachers, especially my English 3 teacher, during tuesdays. Why? Because the show was on Monday nights and I JUST HAD TO REVIEW AND ANALYZE each episode with my seatmate with nary a thought on the ongoing lesson... hehehehehehe It's a wonder how I passed then. Hey, that's another story....
The best thing that Remington Steele gave to me is my friend. Oh yeah, the friendship started because of that mutual love for this show. Or should I say, television? Anyway, that mutual thing carried us through the years and now we're still watching TV and loving every minute of American Idol! HAHAHAHAHAHA
I'll be right back after the break ;)
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
TANGLED THOUGHTS #01
As I stare at the monitor, I can actually feel how lost I am. It may sound strange that somebody my age could be saying this. But, I really have no idea how I would live my life after I shut this computer down.
It feels like I'm just going around in circle, a vicious circle at that. Did I do something wrong then? Did I turn a wrong turn somewhere? Or maybe I just wasn't a good person that I'm reaping now what I sow?
It feels like I'm just going around in circle, a vicious circle at that. Did I do something wrong then? Did I turn a wrong turn somewhere? Or maybe I just wasn't a good person that I'm reaping now what I sow?
muffled thoughts #05
Thinking about it now, I can't seem to recall what were the shows I was watching during my gradeschool years. Okay, there were some flashbacks of the me singing, Mekanda, Mekanda Robot during Mondays, Daimos' Richard and Erica professing their true and undying love on Tuesdays, of my tummy hurting in uncontrollable laughter everytime Aphrodite A fired her only weapon in Mazinger Z every Wednesdays, my still unanswered question regarding the origin of UFO Grendaizer shown on Thursdays and how I would slip on a catatonic state whenever I started hearing, "Let's Volt In!" in Voltes V on Fridays. Of course, there's also Balatack, Danguard Ace, Jac Q, Star Rangers, etc on other channels.
Strangely enough, even though the administration that time deemed these shows as violent, I found them to be more educational than what are being shown nowadays.
I'll be right back after the break...
Strangely enough, even though the administration that time deemed these shows as violent, I found them to be more educational than what are being shown nowadays.
I'll be right back after the break...
Monday, April 18, 2005
muffled thoughts #04
A college professor once asked me how many hours do i spend watching TV. hmmmm.... I was kindah taken aback because a dilemma was presented to me. Where should I start counting: the moment I turned on the TV or the moment I actually sat down in front of it and started watching?
For most of my life, TV has always played a major role. No offense meant to my parents, but I learned my ABCs and 123s from Sesame Street. Ernie and Bert patiently taught me phonetics, Grover introduced me to the people in the neighborhood, the Count made me enjoy (well not that much, to be honest! hehehehehe) the numbers and, I think, I really owed my grouchiness to Oscar. Seriously, TV helped shape the person I am today.
I'll be back after the break ;)
For most of my life, TV has always played a major role. No offense meant to my parents, but I learned my ABCs and 123s from Sesame Street. Ernie and Bert patiently taught me phonetics, Grover introduced me to the people in the neighborhood, the Count made me enjoy (well not that much, to be honest! hehehehehe) the numbers and, I think, I really owed my grouchiness to Oscar. Seriously, TV helped shape the person I am today.
I'll be back after the break ;)
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Last Song Syndrome
A couple of weeks back, I got to listen to Carrie Underwood's cover of "Could've Been" during the American Idol Semi-Finals. After that time, I just can't get the song out of my head. It keeps on playing over and over and over and I unconsciously sing along with it. Maybe I was reflecting on a lot of "could've beens"? hehehehehehehe
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
muffled thoughts #03
A while back, a couple of words were associated with my person, "kindred spirits" and "paranoia."
I do know the saying, "no man is an island," and I do believe that it is an impossibility for a person to not need anyone at some point in his life. But I do have my (unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you would look at it, more than) fair share of battles (hey, I have been attempting to discover my purpose in life for the past years, so, naturally, there have been a lot of differences, misunderstanding and utter chaos in my life along the way) and when it comes to the inevitable confrontations, I can stand on my own, thank you very much. I am not denying nor belittling the support that my so-called kindred spirits willingly offer and extend to me. However, I definitely won’t nor intentionally influence anybody to take my side. It’s really sad to be accused of brainwashing people to be my friends, especially when those who were actively doing the finger pointing didn’t have an iota of a clue as to who I am.
Admittedly, I am not a social person and I do prefer to stay within the solitary confines of my shell instead of going out and be all bubbly and friendly. Only a handful of people can say with all honesty that they know me and that’s only those whom I allow. Thus, I find it an insult not only to me personally but also to my alleged kindred spirits. Why can’t these people just shut their sanctimonious mouths and step down from their pedestal of self-righteousness? Then, maybe their view of what reality is will be clearer that way. Sometimes, the accusations you carelessly hurl at others may well be the very ones you have been hiding from all your life.
Okay, at some point, I did become paranoid. Well, who wouldn’t be when every word you said and those you didn’t even think of saying were all misconstrued to be liberally laced with malice? All my views had been tagged as wicked and it wouldn’t be a surprise if I had been referred to as THE bitch. Strong language? Maybe….. But the pitying looks weren’t exactly pitiful and the commiseration wasn’t at all sympathetic. I had been proclaimed as the most evil person to my face.
For a while, I did give in to self-pity. It wasn’t easy when you got shot continuously at all four corners. You’d be inclined to think the worst of everybody and everything as well. But, luckily for me, my so-called kindred spirits never leave me alone to drown on my supposed sorrows. With a lot of patience and a number of magic tricks up their sleeves, they had managed to pry open my eyes to the truth that I need not trouble myself with how these people perceived me to be, as long as the people that matter know the real me. I need not worry myself on how these people will react to what I say or do, as long as the people that matter can see what it is really in my heart. Reputation, still, is important, of course, but I won’t waste my time anymore trying to please those people who never give chances to others. Let them lock themselves away in their puny cell of self-importance while I stretch out my wings as far as I can.
It may sound strange to some but I’m actually grateful to these people. In their misguided way, they have given me the rare chance to know myself and my so-called kindred spirits. They may have won the first round but I will win the fight.
I do know the saying, "no man is an island," and I do believe that it is an impossibility for a person to not need anyone at some point in his life. But I do have my (unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you would look at it, more than) fair share of battles (hey, I have been attempting to discover my purpose in life for the past years, so, naturally, there have been a lot of differences, misunderstanding and utter chaos in my life along the way) and when it comes to the inevitable confrontations, I can stand on my own, thank you very much. I am not denying nor belittling the support that my so-called kindred spirits willingly offer and extend to me. However, I definitely won’t nor intentionally influence anybody to take my side. It’s really sad to be accused of brainwashing people to be my friends, especially when those who were actively doing the finger pointing didn’t have an iota of a clue as to who I am.
Admittedly, I am not a social person and I do prefer to stay within the solitary confines of my shell instead of going out and be all bubbly and friendly. Only a handful of people can say with all honesty that they know me and that’s only those whom I allow. Thus, I find it an insult not only to me personally but also to my alleged kindred spirits. Why can’t these people just shut their sanctimonious mouths and step down from their pedestal of self-righteousness? Then, maybe their view of what reality is will be clearer that way. Sometimes, the accusations you carelessly hurl at others may well be the very ones you have been hiding from all your life.
Okay, at some point, I did become paranoid. Well, who wouldn’t be when every word you said and those you didn’t even think of saying were all misconstrued to be liberally laced with malice? All my views had been tagged as wicked and it wouldn’t be a surprise if I had been referred to as THE bitch. Strong language? Maybe….. But the pitying looks weren’t exactly pitiful and the commiseration wasn’t at all sympathetic. I had been proclaimed as the most evil person to my face.
For a while, I did give in to self-pity. It wasn’t easy when you got shot continuously at all four corners. You’d be inclined to think the worst of everybody and everything as well. But, luckily for me, my so-called kindred spirits never leave me alone to drown on my supposed sorrows. With a lot of patience and a number of magic tricks up their sleeves, they had managed to pry open my eyes to the truth that I need not trouble myself with how these people perceived me to be, as long as the people that matter know the real me. I need not worry myself on how these people will react to what I say or do, as long as the people that matter can see what it is really in my heart. Reputation, still, is important, of course, but I won’t waste my time anymore trying to please those people who never give chances to others. Let them lock themselves away in their puny cell of self-importance while I stretch out my wings as far as I can.
It may sound strange to some but I’m actually grateful to these people. In their misguided way, they have given me the rare chance to know myself and my so-called kindred spirits. They may have won the first round but I will win the fight.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
muffled thoughts #02
I am scared of change. Ever since I can remember, change is the one thing I avoid at all cost. I am very much aware though that the only thing permanent in this life is change. Still, I can't find the strength to face that reality.
I shiver at the thought. I tremble at the notion. I quiver at the idea. I teeter at the fear.
Now, I am standing at, yet, another crossroad in my life, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can accept what the future will bring.
Yes, I admit I am a coward. I know I am a coward. Trust me, I am a coward.
I shiver at the thought. I tremble at the notion. I quiver at the idea. I teeter at the fear.
Now, I am standing at, yet, another crossroad in my life, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can accept what the future will bring.
Yes, I admit I am a coward. I know I am a coward. Trust me, I am a coward.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
TANGLED DREAMS
When you're teetering in the mouth
of what appears to be hell,
nothing is more alive
but the beating of your heart.
Regret tastes so real
that you won't notice the tears
generously streaming down your face
and reminding you on what you have been.
Ambitions didn't matter anymore
with damnation holding out its manacles
and, yet, there's a glimmer of hope
with salvation trying to grope out of the dark.
Is it fate or is it man?
Is it a reality or is it a game?
Will I wake from a nightmare
or actually live in a bad dream?
of what appears to be hell,
nothing is more alive
but the beating of your heart.
Regret tastes so real
that you won't notice the tears
generously streaming down your face
and reminding you on what you have been.
Ambitions didn't matter anymore
with damnation holding out its manacles
and, yet, there's a glimmer of hope
with salvation trying to grope out of the dark.
Is it fate or is it man?
Is it a reality or is it a game?
Will I wake from a nightmare
or actually live in a bad dream?
muffled thoughts #01
As far back as I can recall, I've always wanted to write. I am always at my most relaxed whenever I'm holding a pen and a piece of blank paper. It's as if I I am all powerful in creating anything and everything with nary a thought or care to anybody and everybody. For me, the words, sentences and paragraphs I painstakingly and wholeheartedly composed come from my soul. They are the most "me" than anything else in my person. But, then again, it is weird because I'm also at my most uncomfortable when strangers read my thoughts. How would you feel if strangers can see through you?
So, why did I create this blog? Simply because I need an outlet to pour out the pain, the angst and the fear that have been hounding me all these years. I need an outlet to clear my mind of the doubts, the trauma and the confusion that have been misleading me all these years. I need an outlet to unload the sorrow, the emptiness and the burden that have been making me blind all these years.
After almost three months of blogging, the very idea of other people reading my innermost thoughts is still icky, to say the least (hehehehe), but the enveloping lightness around my heart is absolutely worth it. The emotional scars are, indeed, still fresh but the journey to self-acceptance has definitely begun.
So, why did I create this blog? Simply because I need an outlet to pour out the pain, the angst and the fear that have been hounding me all these years. I need an outlet to clear my mind of the doubts, the trauma and the confusion that have been misleading me all these years. I need an outlet to unload the sorrow, the emptiness and the burden that have been making me blind all these years.
After almost three months of blogging, the very idea of other people reading my innermost thoughts is still icky, to say the least (hehehehe), but the enveloping lightness around my heart is absolutely worth it. The emotional scars are, indeed, still fresh but the journey to self-acceptance has definitely begun.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
not-so-muddled thoughts #04
funny how one can be so brave when faced with the trivialities of life but, at the same time, can be so coward with what matters most....
oh yeah, it's true, trust me.... I KNOW...
oh yeah, it's true, trust me.... I KNOW...
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Da Vinci Code
I'll probably get shot or cursed for this, but I just don't get it. I don't get why the big fuss over Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code. Brilliant writing aside, it's just a novel. Although it is a successful merger of fact and fiction, I find it extremely odd that people are actually taking it very seriously.
I had read a lot of theories, ranging from the incredible to downright inane, regarding the existence of God. There was even one that explored in depth the possibility of God being an alien.
I think all these hoopla stemmed from the fear of the unknown. We've been taught that God is all-knowing, all-powerful and everywhere, still, no one can really provide any tangible proof. All we have is faith and for some that's just not enough. Thus, people have always been on the look-out for any plausible, but not necessarily logical, explanation. Anything that has a semblance of "truth" is acceptable.
Don't get me wrong, I can't unravel the mystery either. I am as curious as everybody else and I did try to use other means, besides faith, to understand the why, how, what, when and who of life. But, as years passed and with all the lessons from life, I've learned not to question. Instead, I have given my complete and unconditional trust to the Supreme Being who have already mapped out my life but still bestow upon me the freedom to choose whether to stay on His course or otherwise.
I had read a lot of theories, ranging from the incredible to downright inane, regarding the existence of God. There was even one that explored in depth the possibility of God being an alien.
I think all these hoopla stemmed from the fear of the unknown. We've been taught that God is all-knowing, all-powerful and everywhere, still, no one can really provide any tangible proof. All we have is faith and for some that's just not enough. Thus, people have always been on the look-out for any plausible, but not necessarily logical, explanation. Anything that has a semblance of "truth" is acceptable.
Don't get me wrong, I can't unravel the mystery either. I am as curious as everybody else and I did try to use other means, besides faith, to understand the why, how, what, when and who of life. But, as years passed and with all the lessons from life, I've learned not to question. Instead, I have given my complete and unconditional trust to the Supreme Being who have already mapped out my life but still bestow upon me the freedom to choose whether to stay on His course or otherwise.
Monday, February 14, 2005
not-so-muddled thoughts #03
a friend sent me this message today:
"Good friends are like stars... You don't always see them but you they are always there."
~ I definitely won't get lost in the dark with "stars" to guide me, 'di ba? ;)
"Good friends are like stars... You don't always see them but you they are always there."
~ I definitely won't get lost in the dark with "stars" to guide me, 'di ba? ;)
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Valentine's Day
Two more days of mushy love songs, corny gift ideas and pitying looks, but, hey, I know I will survive.
Don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against Valentine's Day. I love reading romantic novels and watching romantic movies. But, I totally get so irritated when people "sympathize" with my so-called miserable single state.
Okay, I probably won't achieve that "perfect" happiness or fulfill my "destiny" as a woman, but, should I be mocked time and again on how "incomplete" my existence appears to be?
I may not have found my better half so does that make me a lesser individual? I hope I won't give the impression of being bitter. It's the frustration talking here, believe me!
I did dream of "and they live happily ever afters" growing up. I even had a clear picture in my mind on how my ideal man would be. But, when reality set in, I learned to accept the possibility of carrying my father's name until the day I meet my Maker.
Happiness is a choice and I choose to be happy. Instead of giving me "tips" on how to find the right partner, come and celebrate life with me!
Don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against Valentine's Day. I love reading romantic novels and watching romantic movies. But, I totally get so irritated when people "sympathize" with my so-called miserable single state.
Okay, I probably won't achieve that "perfect" happiness or fulfill my "destiny" as a woman, but, should I be mocked time and again on how "incomplete" my existence appears to be?
I may not have found my better half so does that make me a lesser individual? I hope I won't give the impression of being bitter. It's the frustration talking here, believe me!
I did dream of "and they live happily ever afters" growing up. I even had a clear picture in my mind on how my ideal man would be. But, when reality set in, I learned to accept the possibility of carrying my father's name until the day I meet my Maker.
Happiness is a choice and I choose to be happy. Instead of giving me "tips" on how to find the right partner, come and celebrate life with me!
Thursday, February 10, 2005
muddled thoughts #03
"If you love what you do, you never have to work a day in your life." ~ Confucius
hmmmmm.... so, does this mean if I loved not to do anything, it would still be ok?
hmmmmm.... so, does this mean if I loved not to do anything, it would still be ok?
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
choice
the sun is shining brightly today
when I looked out the window
but I can't see beyond the clouds
the skies appear to be clear
and I can hear the birds chirping
but I remain clueless on what way to go
I don't know when and how
confusion seems to have settled in
whether I like it or not
I sigh aloud in an attempt
to release the pent-up emotion
but the heavy burden remains
I know happiness is a choice
and I am the one who makes the decision
when I looked out the window
but I can't see beyond the clouds
the skies appear to be clear
and I can hear the birds chirping
but I remain clueless on what way to go
I don't know when and how
confusion seems to have settled in
whether I like it or not
I sigh aloud in an attempt
to release the pent-up emotion
but the heavy burden remains
I know happiness is a choice
and I am the one who makes the decision
Friday, February 04, 2005
warning
i can't shake off this feeling
of something is about to happen.
i can't dismiss this warning;
i have to tell a friend.
this is really unnerving me,
no matter how hard i ignore.
the thought of the unknown is scary,
i shiver and quiver to the core.
i also try to make light of it
and pretend i'm strong.
but fear never lessen even a bit
and everything feels so wrong.
i don't know how long i'll last
with this hanging on my head.
is this related to my past
or is it a warning on what's ahead?
of something is about to happen.
i can't dismiss this warning;
i have to tell a friend.
this is really unnerving me,
no matter how hard i ignore.
the thought of the unknown is scary,
i shiver and quiver to the core.
i also try to make light of it
and pretend i'm strong.
but fear never lessen even a bit
and everything feels so wrong.
i don't know how long i'll last
with this hanging on my head.
is this related to my past
or is it a warning on what's ahead?
Thursday, February 03, 2005
First Daughter
I wasn’t keen on the movie, First Daughter, even though it starred one of my favorite young stars, Katie Holmes. It just didn’t pique my curiosity (kindah reminded of the time I first saw the trailer of Titanic) at all. But, it was a boring Saturday night and I needed something to pass the time. So, in lieu of a life (Ha! Ha! Ha!), I blindly picked a disc from a dusty of pile of DVDs beside the TV.
"Uh-oh." I uttered when I saw the opening credits. Another one of those girl-locked-in-the-ivory-tower-raring-to-get-a-life-with-a-dashing-prince-to-the-rescue plot (Hey! Isn’t that my make-believe life or what?!? Ha! Ha! Ha!) that would have me yawning before the girl announces, "I want to be free." Then, there was Marc Blucas. I have nothing personal against him (actually, I don’t know him personally) but I can’t forget how he went between my all-time favorite stake, I mean, star-crossed lovers on TV, Buffy and Angel. Needless to say, I don’t see him as the leading man type at all.
Sam (played by Katie Holmes), the girl who grew up in the political limelight, is about to start college far from home. Its a good decision, considering how her every move since childhood was scrutinized and reported with nary a thought nor care to her feelings. She’s a public figure without a choice. Her over-protective father, about to start his own campaign for a presidential re-election bid, reluctantly, agrees to lessen the number of bodyguards but secretly posts a Secret Service agent as a student.
Naturally, the guard and his unknowing charge fall in love and Daddy, not to mention the rest of the nation, has a lot to say about it. With her father’s re-election bid hanging precariously up in the air, Sam leaves school and helps out in the campaign, presenting a picture of a solid family.
The president wins another term and eventually realizes that his little girl has grown up to a young woman with maturity and grace. He finally decides to give her the freedom she craves for and re-assigns the young agent to be a part of his personal security coterie.
It kindah sound mushy, right? But, reality is far from it. Actually, I find it an intelligent movie. I wasn’t given the usual fare of bimbos and jocks that supposedly should make Sam feel inadequate. Nor were there obviously contrived romantics scenes between Sam and the agent. The story was simple and the movie was just like it.
First Daughter is not an eye-popping box-office success nor it could win acting awards for its cast and crew. There’s one thing I’m sure though, this movie will always be on my short list of films I truly enjoy.
"Uh-oh." I uttered when I saw the opening credits. Another one of those girl-locked-in-the-ivory-tower-raring-to-get-a-life-with-a-dashing-prince-to-the-rescue plot (Hey! Isn’t that my make-believe life or what?!? Ha! Ha! Ha!) that would have me yawning before the girl announces, "I want to be free." Then, there was Marc Blucas. I have nothing personal against him (actually, I don’t know him personally) but I can’t forget how he went between my all-time favorite stake, I mean, star-crossed lovers on TV, Buffy and Angel. Needless to say, I don’t see him as the leading man type at all.
Sam (played by Katie Holmes), the girl who grew up in the political limelight, is about to start college far from home. Its a good decision, considering how her every move since childhood was scrutinized and reported with nary a thought nor care to her feelings. She’s a public figure without a choice. Her over-protective father, about to start his own campaign for a presidential re-election bid, reluctantly, agrees to lessen the number of bodyguards but secretly posts a Secret Service agent as a student.
Naturally, the guard and his unknowing charge fall in love and Daddy, not to mention the rest of the nation, has a lot to say about it. With her father’s re-election bid hanging precariously up in the air, Sam leaves school and helps out in the campaign, presenting a picture of a solid family.
The president wins another term and eventually realizes that his little girl has grown up to a young woman with maturity and grace. He finally decides to give her the freedom she craves for and re-assigns the young agent to be a part of his personal security coterie.
It kindah sound mushy, right? But, reality is far from it. Actually, I find it an intelligent movie. I wasn’t given the usual fare of bimbos and jocks that supposedly should make Sam feel inadequate. Nor were there obviously contrived romantics scenes between Sam and the agent. The story was simple and the movie was just like it.
First Daughter is not an eye-popping box-office success nor it could win acting awards for its cast and crew. There’s one thing I’m sure though, this movie will always be on my short list of films I truly enjoy.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
thank you #05
*****to continue
jean ~ we rarely disagree, well, except on a certain korean (HAHAHAHAHA), but, still, the friendship nurtured since college has become into one of my steady anchors against this mad, mad, mad world.
to be continued*****
jean ~ we rarely disagree, well, except on a certain korean (HAHAHAHAHA), but, still, the friendship nurtured since college has become into one of my steady anchors against this mad, mad, mad world.
to be continued*****
Monday, January 31, 2005
faith
there are no words left to be said
to what happened between you and me...
there are no tears left to be shed....
i am through being lonely.
tomorrow have to be faced
with love in my heart.
anger and pain must be erased...
they only tear me apart.
the sun is shining again today...
it hasn't been for so long.
but i know now not to stray...
faith has made me quite strong.
you will always be a part of me and what we had...
come to think of it, it wasn't really all that bad...
to what happened between you and me...
there are no tears left to be shed....
i am through being lonely.
tomorrow have to be faced
with love in my heart.
anger and pain must be erased...
they only tear me apart.
the sun is shining again today...
it hasn't been for so long.
but i know now not to stray...
faith has made me quite strong.
you will always be a part of me and what we had...
come to think of it, it wasn't really all that bad...
A FRIEND
I can't seem to find the right way
to express what's in my heart.
My soul has nothing left to say
except the pain is tearing me apart.
I really thought it would last forever.
I prayed so hard it would be
but life is another matter.
Look what it did to you and me.
How could it have happened to us?
What made our dreams fade away?
Who allowed time to pass?
Why did change have to stay?
Can somebody tell me when will the hurting end?
God, how I badly need a friend
to express what's in my heart.
My soul has nothing left to say
except the pain is tearing me apart.
I really thought it would last forever.
I prayed so hard it would be
but life is another matter.
Look what it did to you and me.
How could it have happened to us?
What made our dreams fade away?
Who allowed time to pass?
Why did change have to stay?
Can somebody tell me when will the hurting end?
God, how I badly need a friend
Sunday, January 30, 2005
I AM ME
How can I possibly tell you how I feel
when I don't know anymore what is real?
Sure, the sun is still shining ever so bright.
But why do I feel nothing will ever be right?
I tried so very hard to understand
but then, this is all what I can.
I am not perfect and never professed to be.
So, why do you people keep on looking at me?
Give me a break! I need fresh air!
When will this pain be easier to bear?
Your burden is always heavier than my own.
Why can't I just stay at home?
I cannot live for somebody else's gain.
I am me. Please use my name.
when I don't know anymore what is real?
Sure, the sun is still shining ever so bright.
But why do I feel nothing will ever be right?
I tried so very hard to understand
but then, this is all what I can.
I am not perfect and never professed to be.
So, why do you people keep on looking at me?
Give me a break! I need fresh air!
When will this pain be easier to bear?
Your burden is always heavier than my own.
Why can't I just stay at home?
I cannot live for somebody else's gain.
I am me. Please use my name.
muffled thoughts 30/01/05
According to the Horoscope by Francis Drake (Goodness! I forgot the exact date this was published in the broadsheet! Guess, I can't deny the age factor anymore! HAHAHAHAHAHA): "Romance might disappoint you in some way today. But the road to love is never smooth. In fact, the road to anything is never smooth."
~ How true!!!!!!!!! For some inexplicable reason, I can never seem to live my life the way I want. So, is it me or is it just me? ;)
~ How true!!!!!!!!! For some inexplicable reason, I can never seem to live my life the way I want. So, is it me or is it just me? ;)
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
new year
A new year has begun
I have to squint my eyes at the sun
The future seems so bright
hopefully, it will turn out right
There's so much for me to gain
now that I've learned to smile again
The rains had passed
I know our friendship would last
for better or worse, we never let go
Hands held together, it was not for show
I felt so blessed that you're all here
you've made my life easier to bear
time goes forward and life moves on
together, we all can right the wrongs
I have to squint my eyes at the sun
The future seems so bright
hopefully, it will turn out right
There's so much for me to gain
now that I've learned to smile again
The rains had passed
I know our friendship would last
for better or worse, we never let go
Hands held together, it was not for show
I felt so blessed that you're all here
you've made my life easier to bear
time goes forward and life moves on
together, we all can right the wrongs
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
perfect day
is it too much to ask for a perfect day?
a day when everything goes my way?
wouldn't it be grand to have a day just like that?
nothing goes wrong no matter what...
a day when everything goes my way?
wouldn't it be grand to have a day just like that?
nothing goes wrong no matter what...
Monday, January 17, 2005
DEPRESSION
blackness pervades my thoughts
numbness clouds my emotions
emptiness engulfs my days
as darkness consumes my soul
desperation creeps in uninvited
i was caught unaware
frustrations claws its way in
as ire starts to settle
helplessness is all i recognize
loneliness savors my fear
as change chases the rainbow away
and confusion dusts my dreams
numbness clouds my emotions
emptiness engulfs my days
as darkness consumes my soul
desperation creeps in uninvited
i was caught unaware
frustrations claws its way in
as ire starts to settle
helplessness is all i recognize
loneliness savors my fear
as change chases the rainbow away
and confusion dusts my dreams
Suggestion #02
from The Good Spell Book by Gillian Kemp:
~ Easy Money Spell
light a green candle.
let it burn for five minutes then blow it out.
rub your hands in the smoke and imagine money coming to you..
~ Easy Money Spell
light a green candle.
let it burn for five minutes then blow it out.
rub your hands in the smoke and imagine money coming to you..
Sunday, January 16, 2005
tomorrow
tmy day starts with a smile
the sun is shining brightly today
i can see good things ahead
nothing will make my mind sway
new year ushers in new thoughts
no more mention of the past
i can begin to live again
i know this feeling will last
tomorrow is no longer a dream
i can believe now in forever
i can hear the angels singing
i can see life will definitely be better
the sun is shining brightly today
i can see good things ahead
nothing will make my mind sway
new year ushers in new thoughts
no more mention of the past
i can begin to live again
i know this feeling will last
tomorrow is no longer a dream
i can believe now in forever
i can hear the angels singing
i can see life will definitely be better
Saturday, January 15, 2005
thank you #04
*****to continue
cyn ~ who would've believed that something absolutely cheesy was able to open our communication lines? :) i may not say this enough but i really appreciate your patience and understanding especially when i was not being myself (or should i say when i was being truly myself? hahahahahaha)...
to be continued*****
cyn ~ who would've believed that something absolutely cheesy was able to open our communication lines? :) i may not say this enough but i really appreciate your patience and understanding especially when i was not being myself (or should i say when i was being truly myself? hahahahahaha)...
to be continued*****
Friday, January 14, 2005
paranoia
I ask myself over and over
why do people think of me this way.
Am I such a bad person
that they misconstrue everything I say?
I never profess I'm an angel
but don't paint yourselves as saints.
All of us have our weaknesses
so don't use God's name in vain.
Maybe I come on too strong
but I sincerely meant when I say it's over.
Why can't we just leave the past
and make a fresh start together?
But, if you can't let go,
well, that's your problem, not mine.
As a friend, I have an advise for you,
there are better ways to spend your time.
I know it's not easy to start anew.
It's kindah awkward even for me.
But, we're not kids anymore.
Why don't we prove our maturity?
"Hello" seems to be a good start
to rebuild what was there.
Let's treasure this second chance
and show how much we truly care.
why do people think of me this way.
Am I such a bad person
that they misconstrue everything I say?
I never profess I'm an angel
but don't paint yourselves as saints.
All of us have our weaknesses
so don't use God's name in vain.
Maybe I come on too strong
but I sincerely meant when I say it's over.
Why can't we just leave the past
and make a fresh start together?
But, if you can't let go,
well, that's your problem, not mine.
As a friend, I have an advise for you,
there are better ways to spend your time.
I know it's not easy to start anew.
It's kindah awkward even for me.
But, we're not kids anymore.
Why don't we prove our maturity?
"Hello" seems to be a good start
to rebuild what was there.
Let's treasure this second chance
and show how much we truly care.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
helpless
I don't want this feeling of helplessness
as if everything appears to be hopeless.
Although I am very much aware
I won't be given burdens I can't bear.
But why do I get this awful feeling
of all my efforts will amount to nothing..
I know there's more to come,
still I fear of what I'll become.
When will these tests end?
Thank God, I have friends.
You may not give me the solution
but what you offer is more than a consolation..
It's time to snap out of this depression,
smile and start to take action.
as if everything appears to be hopeless.
Although I am very much aware
I won't be given burdens I can't bear.
But why do I get this awful feeling
of all my efforts will amount to nothing..
I know there's more to come,
still I fear of what I'll become.
When will these tests end?
Thank God, I have friends.
You may not give me the solution
but what you offer is more than a consolation..
It's time to snap out of this depression,
smile and start to take action.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
My LIsts: Comfort Foods :-)
~ plain M & M's
~ Coke Light with Lemon
~ Better than Ice Cream's Pistachio flavor
~ Jack and Jill V-Cut Potato Chips
~ ChocNut
~ Starbucks' Mocha Frappuccino
~ Tasty Porkchop Rice
~ Goldilocks' Chocolate Slice
~ McDonald's Twister Fries
~ Jollibee Chicken and Mushroom Pie
~ Coke Light with Lemon
~ Better than Ice Cream's Pistachio flavor
~ Jack and Jill V-Cut Potato Chips
~ ChocNut
~ Starbucks' Mocha Frappuccino
~ Tasty Porkchop Rice
~ Goldilocks' Chocolate Slice
~ McDonald's Twister Fries
~ Jollibee Chicken and Mushroom Pie
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
starting today....
..... I will think less of myself and more of others
..... I will let go of the past and stop worrying about the future
..... I will do more of the things I want to than I have to
With God's help, I hope I can be a better person starting today.....
..... I will let go of the past and stop worrying about the future
..... I will do more of the things I want to than I have to
With God's help, I hope I can be a better person starting today.....
Monday, January 10, 2005
cry
Have you read or seen a book, movie or tv show that made you cry uncontrollably?
There's this Korean drama called Autumn in My Heart (also known as Endless Love 1). It made me cry so hard that it was pure torture to breathe. I felt something was blocking the passage of air in my lungs and my eye balls were bulging out already (unbelievable?!? hahahahahahahaha).
There's this Korean drama called Autumn in My Heart (also known as Endless Love 1). It made me cry so hard that it was pure torture to breathe. I felt something was blocking the passage of air in my lungs and my eye balls were bulging out already (unbelievable?!? hahahahahahahaha).
Sunday, January 09, 2005
want
Angels used to play with me
every night in my dreams.
We would sing in perfect harmony
like water flowing through the stream.
It was as if they were protecting
me against all that was bad.
Then I grew up and stop believing
to everything I had.
The sun was shining out in the window
for 26 years or more as it seemed
but I wanted snow.
It was never to be as deemed.
The moon is full again tonight.
The stars are twinkling their light.
More than possibly, the time is right
for me to wish with all my might.
I want my life back.
I want to sing of love.
I want what I seemed to lack.
Please open again the heavens above.
every night in my dreams.
We would sing in perfect harmony
like water flowing through the stream.
It was as if they were protecting
me against all that was bad.
Then I grew up and stop believing
to everything I had.
The sun was shining out in the window
for 26 years or more as it seemed
but I wanted snow.
It was never to be as deemed.
The moon is full again tonight.
The stars are twinkling their light.
More than possibly, the time is right
for me to wish with all my might.
I want my life back.
I want to sing of love.
I want what I seemed to lack.
Please open again the heavens above.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
coffee
There is one thing in this world
that I absolutely can't live without
For others, its either radio or tv;
for me, its that mug of black coffee
Some say it's a prevention to heart attacks;
some deem it's bad for you and me
but I find it painful to start
my day with my favorite coffee mug apart.
Maybe it's already an addiction
and everything should be taken in moderation,
but let me savor first the bitterness
that gives me such inexplicable lightness.
I know I sound like a fool to others.
I even laugh at myself for writing this.
Nothing comes close to what a cup of coffee
can do to sustain my so-called sanity.
that I absolutely can't live without
For others, its either radio or tv;
for me, its that mug of black coffee
Some say it's a prevention to heart attacks;
some deem it's bad for you and me
but I find it painful to start
my day with my favorite coffee mug apart.
Maybe it's already an addiction
and everything should be taken in moderation,
but let me savor first the bitterness
that gives me such inexplicable lightness.
I know I sound like a fool to others.
I even laugh at myself for writing this.
Nothing comes close to what a cup of coffee
can do to sustain my so-called sanity.
going home
when a person has to go to the next plane
nothing we do can avoid the pain
even if we've already accepted the inevitable
still, tears are uncontrollable
everybody will go one day
one by one, to his own way
i wonder when my time comes
how will i be able to go home
will it be a long trek of bright lights
adorned with heavenly sights?
admittedly, the fear of the unknown lingers,
i am ready to go home to our Father.
nothing we do can avoid the pain
even if we've already accepted the inevitable
still, tears are uncontrollable
everybody will go one day
one by one, to his own way
i wonder when my time comes
how will i be able to go home
will it be a long trek of bright lights
adorned with heavenly sights?
admittedly, the fear of the unknown lingers,
i am ready to go home to our Father.
Friday, January 07, 2005
Taegukgi: Brotherhood of War
Of course, I have become interested in this film not because it grossed to 10M (only 2 koreans films so far earned that much, SILMIDO is the other one) in its local run alone. Neither did the fact it's a critically-acclaimed film piqued my curiosity. Who's joking whom? You think I could just ignore a movie starring both Jang Dong Gun and Won bin?!?
Taegukgi is a war movie. It gives you a shockingly vivid picture of blood and gore that could make your stomach turn to a dozen different wrong ways at the same time. But exposed intestines and mangled limbs aside, Taegukgi weaves a beautiful love story: familial, fraternal and romantic. Two brothers caught in a war, two lovers torn apart and a family trying to hold on, Taegukgi will surely pull a couple (or more) heartstrings. Okay, I AM BIASED HERE (hehehehe). In fairness, the two lead actors are able to prove beyond reasonable (and unreasonable) doubt that they have the talent to go with their looks (Jang Dong Gun was recognized in the Blue Dragon Awards as the Best Actor for 2004).
Enough said, Jang Dong Gun and Won Bin beckon...... ;-)
Taegukgi is a war movie. It gives you a shockingly vivid picture of blood and gore that could make your stomach turn to a dozen different wrong ways at the same time. But exposed intestines and mangled limbs aside, Taegukgi weaves a beautiful love story: familial, fraternal and romantic. Two brothers caught in a war, two lovers torn apart and a family trying to hold on, Taegukgi will surely pull a couple (or more) heartstrings. Okay, I AM BIASED HERE (hehehehe). In fairness, the two lead actors are able to prove beyond reasonable (and unreasonable) doubt that they have the talent to go with their looks (Jang Dong Gun was recognized in the Blue Dragon Awards as the Best Actor for 2004).
Enough said, Jang Dong Gun and Won Bin beckon...... ;-)
not-so-muddled thoughts #02
I got this from a Taiwan Talk Show ~
"The Richest Man knows satisfaction."
Don't you agree that life would be easier if we would be satisfied what we have?
"The Richest Man knows satisfaction."
Don't you agree that life would be easier if we would be satisfied what we have?
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Suggestion #01
from The Good Spell Book by Gillian Kemp (btw, thank you, ei! hehehehe):
~ To Remove a Problem
the simplest remedy is to write your problem on a piece of paper and throw it into a fire
* So far, it worked for me BUT you have to be really careful with the fire thing.
~ To Remove a Problem
the simplest remedy is to write your problem on a piece of paper and throw it into a fire
* So far, it worked for me BUT you have to be really careful with the fire thing.
Monday, January 03, 2005
forever
It was God's will that we meet,
Two different people with the same heartbeat;
dreams, fears and how much more we share.
I really thought it would last forever...
We grew up, armed with different ambitions,
but being together, it was more than a tradition;
endless phone calls and streams of letters.
I really thought it would last forever...
Change was inevitable, so what we say.
We're more than sisters, come what may.
Problems can come and go, we're always together.
I really thought it would last forever...
Time passed by, we went on separate ways
but it was still the same, we had everyday;
Successes, failures, tears and laughter.
I really thought it would last forever...
But there are some changes we can never ignore;
you met somebody else and began to want more.
I realized this was something we cannot share.
I knew then it would never last forever...
I am back now to where I used to be,
maybe God can share another friend with me.
It might last a day or longer
but I will always have HIM forever.
Two different people with the same heartbeat;
dreams, fears and how much more we share.
I really thought it would last forever...
We grew up, armed with different ambitions,
but being together, it was more than a tradition;
endless phone calls and streams of letters.
I really thought it would last forever...
Change was inevitable, so what we say.
We're more than sisters, come what may.
Problems can come and go, we're always together.
I really thought it would last forever...
Time passed by, we went on separate ways
but it was still the same, we had everyday;
Successes, failures, tears and laughter.
I really thought it would last forever...
But there are some changes we can never ignore;
you met somebody else and began to want more.
I realized this was something we cannot share.
I knew then it would never last forever...
I am back now to where I used to be,
maybe God can share another friend with me.
It might last a day or longer
but I will always have HIM forever.
Sunday, January 02, 2005
Happy New Year!
There's a question in my mind
that I can't just leave behind.
It has been right here waiting
for me to think of something.
"What is sorry?" we should first know
what to explain it and how to show
the regrets we carry in our hearts
and the pain that causes to be apart.
I really hope that there would come a day
when we can all laugh and say,
"Who would've believed we could be this petty
at our age now and supposed maturity?"
We should start anew for the coming year...
It's time to spread around the good cheer...
that I can't just leave behind.
It has been right here waiting
for me to think of something.
"What is sorry?" we should first know
what to explain it and how to show
the regrets we carry in our hearts
and the pain that causes to be apart.
I really hope that there would come a day
when we can all laugh and say,
"Who would've believed we could be this petty
at our age now and supposed maturity?"
We should start anew for the coming year...
It's time to spread around the good cheer...
Saturday, January 01, 2005
I wonder...
I wonder...
what if i did things differently
will i still take the blame?
what if i chose emotions differently
will i still feel the same?
what if i lived life differently
will i still play the game?
what if i loved differently
will i still call your name?
what if i did things differently
will i still take the blame?
what if i chose emotions differently
will i still feel the same?
what if i lived life differently
will i still play the game?
what if i loved differently
will i still call your name?
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