faith

there are no words left to be said
to what happened between you and me...
there are no tears left to be shed....
i am through being lonely.
tomorrow have to be faced
with love in my heart.
anger and pain must be erased...
they only tear me apart.
the sun is shining again today...
it hasn't been for so long.
but i know now not to stray...
faith has made me quite strong.
you will always be a part of me and what we had...
come to think of it, it wasn't really all that bad...

A FRIEND

I can't seem to find the right way
to express what's in my heart.
My soul has nothing left to say
except the pain is tearing me apart.
I really thought it would last forever.
I prayed so hard it would be
but life is another matter.
Look what it did to you and me.
How could it have happened to us?
What made our dreams fade away?
Who allowed time to pass?
Why did change have to stay?
Can somebody tell me when will the hurting end?
God, how I badly need a friend

I AM ME

How can I possibly tell you how I feel
when I don't know anymore what is real?
Sure, the sun is still shining ever so bright.
But why do I feel nothing will ever be right?
I tried so very hard to understand
but then, this is all what I can.
I am not perfect and never professed to be.
So, why do you people keep on looking at me?
Give me a break! I need fresh air!
When will this pain be easier to bear?
Your burden is always heavier than my own.
Why can't I just stay at home?
I cannot live for somebody else's gain.
I am me. Please use my name.

muffled thoughts 30/01/05

According to the Horoscope by Francis Drake (Goodness! I forgot the exact date this was published in the broadsheet! Guess, I can't deny the age factor anymore! HAHAHAHAHAHA): "Romance might disappoint you in some way today. But the road to love is never smooth. In fact, the road to anything is never smooth."

~ How true!!!!!!!!! For some inexplicable reason, I can never seem to live my life the way I want. So, is it me or is it just me? ;)

new year

A new year has begun
I have to squint my eyes at the sun
The future seems so bright
hopefully, it will turn out right
There's so much for me to gain
now that I've learned to smile again

The rains had passed
I know our friendship would last
for better or worse, we never let go
Hands held together, it was not for show
I felt so blessed that you're all here
you've made my life easier to bear

time goes forward and life moves on
together, we all can right the wrongs

perfect day

is it too much to ask for a perfect day?

a day when everything goes my way?

wouldn't it be grand to have a day just like that?

nothing goes wrong no matter what...

DEPRESSION

blackness pervades my thoughts
numbness clouds my emotions
emptiness engulfs my days
as darkness consumes my soul

desperation creeps in uninvited
i was caught unaware
frustrations claws its way in
as ire starts to settle

helplessness is all i recognize
loneliness savors my fear
as change chases the rainbow away
and confusion dusts my dreams

Suggestion #02

from The Good Spell Book by Gillian Kemp:

~ Easy Money Spell

light a green candle.

let it burn for five minutes then blow it out.

rub your hands in the smoke and imagine money coming to you..

tomorrow

tmy day starts with a smile
the sun is shining brightly today
i can see good things ahead
nothing will make my mind sway

new year ushers in new thoughts
no more mention of the past
i can begin to live again
i know this feeling will last

tomorrow is no longer a dream
i can believe now in forever
i can hear the angels singing
i can see life will definitely be better

thank you #04

*****to continue

cyn ~ who would've believed that something absolutely cheesy was able to open our communication lines? :) i may not say this enough but i really appreciate your patience and understanding especially when i was not being myself (or should i say when i was being truly myself? hahahahahaha)...

to be continued*****

paranoia

I ask myself over and over
why do people think of me this way.
Am I such a bad person
that they misconstrue everything I say?

I never profess I'm an angel
but don't paint yourselves as saints.
All of us have our weaknesses
so don't use God's name in vain.

Maybe I come on too strong
but I sincerely meant when I say it's over.
Why can't we just leave the past
and make a fresh start together?

But, if you can't let go,
well, that's your problem, not mine.
As a friend, I have an advise for you,
there are better ways to spend your time.

I know it's not easy to start anew.
It's kindah awkward even for me.
But, we're not kids anymore.
Why don't we prove our maturity?

"Hello" seems to be a good start
to rebuild what was there.
Let's treasure this second chance
and show how much we truly care.

helpless

I don't want this feeling of helplessness
as if everything appears to be hopeless.
Although I am very much aware
I won't be given burdens I can't bear.
But why do I get this awful feeling
of all my efforts will amount to nothing..
I know there's more to come,
still I fear of what I'll become.
When will these tests end?
Thank God, I have friends.
You may not give me the solution
but what you offer is more than a consolation..
It's time to snap out of this depression,
smile and start to take action.

My LIsts: Comfort Foods :-)

~ plain M & M's

~ Coke Light with Lemon

~ Better than Ice Cream's Pistachio flavor

~ Jack and Jill V-Cut Potato Chips

~ ChocNut

~ Starbucks' Mocha Frappuccino

~ Tasty Porkchop Rice

~ Goldilocks' Chocolate Slice

~ McDonald's Twister Fries

~ Jollibee Chicken and Mushroom Pie

starting today....

..... I will think less of myself and more of others

..... I will let go of the past and stop worrying about the future

..... I will do more of the things I want to than I have to

With God's help, I hope I can be a better person starting today.....

cry

Have you read or seen a book, movie or tv show that made you cry uncontrollably?

There's this Korean drama called Autumn in My Heart (also known as Endless Love 1). It made me cry so hard that it was pure torture to breathe. I felt something was blocking the passage of air in my lungs and my eye balls were bulging out already (unbelievable?!? hahahahahahahaha).

want

Angels used to play with me
every night in my dreams.
We would sing in perfect harmony
like water flowing through the stream.

It was as if they were protecting
me against all that was bad.
Then I grew up and stop believing
to everything I had.

The sun was shining out in the window
for 26 years or more as it seemed
but I wanted snow.
It was never to be as deemed.

The moon is full again tonight.
The stars are twinkling their light.
More than possibly, the time is right
for me to wish with all my might.

I want my life back.
I want to sing of love.
I want what I seemed to lack.
Please open again the heavens above.

coffee

There is one thing in this world
that I absolutely can't live without
For others, its either radio or tv;
for me, its that mug of black coffee

Some say it's a prevention to heart attacks;
some deem it's bad for you and me
but I find it painful to start
my day with my favorite coffee mug apart.

Maybe it's already an addiction
and everything should be taken in moderation,
but let me savor first the bitterness
that gives me such inexplicable lightness.

I know I sound like a fool to others.
I even laugh at myself for writing this.
Nothing comes close to what a cup of coffee
can do to sustain my so-called sanity.

going home

when a person has to go to the next plane
nothing we do can avoid the pain
even if we've already accepted the inevitable
still, tears are uncontrollable

everybody will go one day
one by one, to his own way

i wonder when my time comes
how will i be able to go home
will it be a long trek of bright lights
adorned with heavenly sights?

admittedly, the fear of the unknown lingers,
i am ready to go home to our Father.

Taegukgi: Brotherhood of War

Of course, I have become interested in this film not because it grossed to 10M (only 2 koreans films so far earned that much, SILMIDO is the other one) in its local run alone. Neither did the fact it's a critically-acclaimed film piqued my curiosity. Who's joking whom? You think I could just ignore a movie starring both Jang Dong Gun and Won bin?!?

Taegukgi is a war movie. It gives you a shockingly vivid picture of blood and gore that could make your stomach turn to a dozen different wrong ways at the same time. But exposed intestines and mangled limbs aside, Taegukgi weaves a beautiful love story: familial, fraternal and romantic. Two brothers caught in a war, two lovers torn apart and a family trying to hold on, Taegukgi will surely pull a couple (or more) heartstrings. Okay, I AM BIASED HERE (hehehehe). In fairness, the two lead actors are able to prove beyond reasonable (and unreasonable) doubt that they have the talent to go with their looks (Jang Dong Gun was recognized in the Blue Dragon Awards as the Best Actor for 2004).

Enough said, Jang Dong Gun and Won Bin beckon...... ;-)

not-so-muddled thoughts #02

I got this from a Taiwan Talk Show ~
"The Richest Man knows satisfaction."

Don't you agree that life would be easier if we would be satisfied what we have?

Suggestion #01

from The Good Spell Book by Gillian Kemp (btw, thank you, ei! hehehehe):

~ To Remove a Problem

the simplest remedy is to write your problem on a piece of paper and throw it into a fire

* So far, it worked for me BUT you have to be really careful with the fire thing.

forever

It was God's will that we meet,
Two different people with the same heartbeat;
dreams, fears and how much more we share.
I really thought it would last forever...

We grew up, armed with different ambitions,
but being together, it was more than a tradition;
endless phone calls and streams of letters.
I really thought it would last forever...

Change was inevitable, so what we say.
We're more than sisters, come what may.
Problems can come and go, we're always together.
I really thought it would last forever...

Time passed by, we went on separate ways
but it was still the same, we had everyday;
Successes, failures, tears and laughter.
I really thought it would last forever...

But there are some changes we can never ignore;
you met somebody else and began to want more.
I realized this was something we cannot share.
I knew then it would never last forever...

I am back now to where I used to be,
maybe God can share another friend with me.
It might last a day or longer
but I will always have HIM forever.

Happy New Year!

There's a question in my mind
that I can't just leave behind.
It has been right here waiting
for me to think of something.
"What is sorry?" we should first know
what to explain it and how to show
the regrets we carry in our hearts
and the pain that causes to be apart.
I really hope that there would come a day
when we can all laugh and say,
"Who would've believed we could be this petty
at our age now and supposed maturity?"
We should start anew for the coming year...
It's time to spread around the good cheer...

I wonder...

I wonder...
what if i did things differently
will i still take the blame?
what if i chose emotions differently
will i still feel the same?
what if i lived life differently
will i still play the game?
what if i loved differently
will i still call your name?