With A Smile....

Whew!!!!!! This was definitely one of the most physically tiring, not to forget, psychologically draining as well, day of my professional life. Come to think of it, it was more exhausting to sustain a positive disposition with a lot of irritated clients and uncooperative, ehem, colleagues.

I'm not really sure how it did but, personally, I think I managed to maintain a smile with a little frown showing itself once in while! hehehehehehe

I am thinking.....

Somebody asked me what in the world did i wrote on my facebook wall.... well, it was in chinese... (actually, it was my way of staying anonymous! hehehehe)....

here's the english translation:

I can never understand people
They never forget even your smallest mistakes,
yet, they completely forgot whatever good you did to them.


At the risk of sounding like a broken record, yes, I'm still hurting. Although, I promise, I'm trying to move on and look at the betrayal as a learning experience (which it is, by the way), but, I still remember disappointment of having your trust thrown back at your face. I know! I know! I should have known better but, I guess, I can't help but try to focus on the good things. YES, I KNOW HOW WRONG THAT WAS! But, then again, these so-called people actually remembered me for being a transformer instead of a attempting to be a friend. Oh well, I guess, life has to go on.....

Things I Learned in Kindergarten

I was rummaging through my drawer for photographs that I could add to my facebook photo album when I came across this old picture. By old, I mean, it was taken more that 30 years ago (so, did I just reveal my age here? hehehehe). The picture was taken during (I believe) a musical program when I was in kindergarten (not exactly sure if it was kinder 1 or 2).

Kindergarten.... I miss those days of carefree and innocent existence. There was no malice among us kids. As far as I can recall, we were happy with just chasing each other along the school corridors and sharing snacks (although I don't think I can drink milk out of a recycled peanut butter bottle willingly again!)

Goodness, I don't think I have seen any of those people in the photograph after we graduated from elementary school... hmmmm.....

Looking forward.....

I never really thought that I can feel this excitement about a possible change in my life. Weird.... Trust me, it's really weird. From a person who positively abhors and detest the very idea of change, to say that I'm getting all agog is weird. Maybe, because, subconsciously, I know it's time for that.... Maybe, I've matured somehow after all these years.... Maybe, I'm so fed up already with the inanities of my present situation.... Anyway, whatever is the real reason behind my actually looking forward to this phenomenon (hehehe), I'm quietly cherishing what could possible be my last three months with this group of people who have made me laugh, irritated, amused, angry, rolled my eyes and disheartened.

Maturity

Sometimes I really do wonder if maturity does come with age.... I mean, look at me, instead of making plans for my retirement (hehehehe) and do more constructive and relevant things, I still go gaga over idol dramas, care bears and inanities. To top it all, I still can't control my temper which, of course, lead to numerous misunderstanding and conflicts. Not that I don't think about the future, I do have something brewing, it's just that future is so far away. A lot of things happen under a minute, what more, days, week, months or even years from now. I'd rather live as if it's the last day of my life and enjoy every second of it. So, is it a more sensible thing to say that immaturity comes with age?



*photo courtesy of http://www.plush-toy.co.uk/acatalog/1care-bears-3-pack.jpg

Jenny

I'm experiencing last song syndrome!!!!!!!!!!

Ever since I heard the acoustic version of this song, it just keeps on playing in my head..... NON-STOP!!!!





*video courtesy of cba09


JENNY by the Click Five

She calls me baby
then she wont call me
says she adores me
and then ignores me
(Jenny, What's the problem?)

She keeps her distance
and sits on fences
puts up resistance
and builds defenses
(Jenny, Whats the problem?)

You keep me hanging on the line
everytime you change your mind

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

She needs her own space
she's playing mind games
ends up at my place
saying that she's changed
(Jenny, what's the problem?)

I'm trying to read between the lines
you got me going out of my mind

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
It's killing me
(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
It's killing me
(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
Jenny

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

It's killing me

Jenny


*lyrics from http://www.lyricsdomain.com/20/the_click_five/jenny.html

goodbye....

I used to believe that to be liked
I have to set myself aside
and put all of your above else

I used to think that to be liked
I have to block my thoughts
and give in to all your whims

I used to think that to be liked
I have to stop liking myself
unless you like me too

Weelll, that was then and today is now

Now, I like myself
more than anybody else

Now, I cater to my whims
before I even think about yours

Now, I go first before anybody else
and, that, my dear, includes you!




*photo courtesy of openphoto.net

Changing.....

A light bulb in my head sparked today... I had a realization that I am changing.... Is it for the worse or for the better, I honestly have no idea yet.

After being exposed to the "real" world (as others would put it), I have grown a rather thick skin which is actually helpful in fighting off negative vibes although there are times it wears off it's effectivity.... hehehehehe

Going back to my mutation (hehehe), I have learned how to turn my game face on and off at will. People may look at me and say I'm a big (ouch! hehehe) fake. Well, if that's how they perceive my person, it's really no big deal. I can never please them all anyway. Besides, no matter how hard I tried, I can never think like those perfect people nor I can do things like those perfect people because I'm not those perfect people. I guess, I have also grown tired of trying to be liked and ended up being somebody else who I'm definitely not. This time, they would have to learn to accept me for who and what I am and not who they want me to be.

Admittedly, it will still take time for me to get used to this new me, I am starting to enjoy this freedom.

Trivia

I've been testing my knowledge of movie trivia with a facebook application called never-ending movie quiz and the results were pretty scary. Scary in the sense that I know more about movie stuff than the REAL stuff!

Musings of a Scaredy Cat

I'm now celebrating my 39th birthday.... oh yeah, 1 more year to go and i'll be stepping into a new decade....

No, I'm not scared of getting old although I sometimes get a jolt whenever I picture myself being all alone..... Anyway, getting on biologically is among the least of my worries nowadays... I'm more concerned of what's changing right now...

I'm facing a crossroad, in terms of career choices. Should I stay at where I'm more comfortable or should I go forward and challenge myself (with corresponding higher financial gain, of course)?

It's a weird feeling because, I think I'm beginning to accept that I'll be taking the leap. Every action I take now is always laced with the notion that it's gonna be my last. But, I'm still REALLY scared.

Going back to my opening line, I'm already 39 and I'm not getting any younger.....

Second Thoughts

Here I go again, after I had thoroughly convinced myself that I should not give so much weight on my emotions when making decision but instead focus on what could be rationalized as correct, well, as soon as I hear that change is imminent, I began to have cold feet (literally!). I know for a fact, that I should start taking that big step. somehow, fear is fast clouding (yet, again) whatever logic left.

Maybe, it's time for me to consult a psychiatrist. I admit, I need help!!!!!!

Birthday Headache

As far back as I can recall, I always suffer from painful headache and fever whenever my birthday approaches. I'm not exactly sure if it's because of stress that I'm getting a year older or I'm just plain scared of the what the future holds.



photo courtesy of manga-vn.com