ten months

ten months ago, i decided to step out
it was more of a necessity
lest i go insane

it wasn't easy but i had to hold on
physically tiring and mentally draining
but, most of all, my emotions were teethering on the edge

i had to keep on trying
even if i so want to give up
i had to stay no matter what

i had wasted half of my life
giving to my fear of the unknown
change was something totally unacceptable

how i am now, slowly feeling my way
i am starting to enjoy my day
with a few kinks here and there

grip

i am losing my grip on hope
i am at loss for dreams
i have no idea what to think
i just want to disappear

i feel such a failure
i had so much faith in myself
but my reflection is mocking me
and it hurts to see what i had not achieved

is it possible for me to turn things around
can i change the course of my life
will it be acceptable for everybody
if i turned the other way

i really don't want to feel this emptiness
that had already gnawed away part of my heart
i so wished for the light to show me the right path
maybe then i can smile again

crack

i have fears and insecurities
just like everybody else
but i'm never comfortable to display them
for all to see

must be how i was brought up
or it could be just how i am
i need to be strong and firm
even when i felt shattered into million pieces

pain, it seems is here to stay
and i'm beginning to crack
the pressure is overwhelming
and my grip is loosening

will i be able to keep on hoping
can i stifle my cries for help
time is moving on and so i must also be
but how long can i hold on

colors

i need to dream
not just the kind in your sleep
but the one t hat could lift you up
from the mires of misery

but for some reason though
i couldn't find the colors
that can draw the picture
of how i want my life to be

do blue skies really mean peace
or silver linings really hide behind the clouds?
do rainbows really appear after the rain
or sun shines as bright as the hope in my heart?

i wish so hard every night
that the morning will be a fresh start
where i can plan the future
with a lightness in my being

watching over me

there are times i do wonder
when all of these will end
will i ever be free of burden
and can breathe again?

not that i don't welcome problems
becuase i know God will take care of me
but when impossibility appears to be inevitable
can my reflection still smile back at me?

i am now choked with responsibilites
real and make believe
i don't see myself moving forward
i don't have the energy

maybe one day i can look back
and laugh hard at all of these
but until that day comes
i need to remember angels are watching over me