This is not how I pictured my life to be. I had the grandest of dreams then. I was going to be a successful somebody and everybody will know who I am.
It was a nice dream but it didn’t appear to have a chance of coming true.
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My first ambition was to become a teacher. I used to line up all of my dolls and stuffed toys on the bed and carefully taught them the ABCs and 123s. I even had a small blackboard where I would write the lesson for the day. Using my older siblings’ story books, I regaled my "students" with fairy tales. Come to think of it, where is my pop-up Cinderella book?
When I started school, I began to see myself as a doctor, a pediatrician to be exact. Why? I had this notion that I would not encounter anything bloody if I specialized in children’s ailments. That is why again? I had, and still have, this aversion to blood. My knees involuntarily weaken and my hands tremble uncontrollably at the mere sight of that red liquid oozing out from wounds. Gross!
As I grew older, I became more fascinated with the workings of the human mind, the different personalities, etc. I was so excited to study more about it but I unfortunately met this ogre of a professor and I got scared. So, instead of going after my dream, I took the coward’s way out and settled for second best.
In hindsight, I should have majored in Literature instead but I guess some things are just not meant to be. Well, look at me now. I’m neither a somebody nor anybody.
What did I do wrong? I made a lot of wrong choices because I didn’t think. I was all for "Seize the Day" then. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it’s not right to follow your instincts but it’s definitely wiser if we stop for a while and think of the possible consequences of our actions. All of us are born with the intelligence and abilities we need to survive but we still need to choose what, when and how to use them. If only…
Now that I’ve wasted more than half of my life, what is there for me to do? Should I continue to believe in my dreams? Should I attempt to salvage what’s left of my dreams? Should I start over again? Should I even try at all?
2 comments:
jo,
pardon the negative vibe, your sister egg is going through THE phase again :(
Hey Suze! You have not wasted half of your life! Just think about all the people that you've helped all these years... those who cried on your shoulder... the little donations that you've made to churches/charities/beggars...
We choose our own paths, we choose our friends, we choose our hobbies and likes... we choose all the things that we do... And it is never too late to make our dreams come true! Make that choice!
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