crossroad

I have no idea why it happened and when it happened but it appears that I have changed. Be it for good or worse, I can't really tell. But, for some people whom I actually believed to know me, they can't seem to put the old me and the new me together. I do wonder, was I the one who changed or they're the one who changed. Come to think of it, it doesn't really matter at all. As selfish as it may sound, I'm more concerned with myself. I have been relying so long on my rock that that I had lost track of what I wanted to do. I became so complacent that everything will be just there waiting for me to start doing then that I had forgotten that nobody waits for anybody in this world. Harsh, but, oh so true!

Ok, I promise myself that this will the last time I would be writing about this.... It does hurt so much to have your trust thrown back at your face so carelessly. Anything you say would be misconstrued and your actions misinterpreted. It has become so tiresome to explain yourself and pretend that you're somebody else JUST to give in to somebody's else whims. Sometimes I do question if I really had a friend at all. I don't question the 'user-friendly' aspect of the relationship but to be treated SO like a lowly individual... It does make me want to REGRET all the time a-wasted. Ok so I'm not THAT nice or presentable ENOUGH or financially-awesome... and if that's all you're after, SORRY, M'DEAR, BUT THIS IS WHO I AM... TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE...

Going back to myself, maybe its the age thing but I'm not as brave with change as I was years ago... Not I'm saying that I'm not afraid at all, it's just that I was more impulsive... Now, I'm so not comfortable with the unfamiliar that I purposely avoid them. But, now.... it seems I have no choice but to embrace them...

A lot of things occurred, a lot of changes happened.. they opened my eyes to the new things (although i think most of them were already there but I just ignored them). I must welcome the new things and sift through the old ones. Time to make those change... NOW

Yipppeeee!!!!

I'm having a happy (but not necessarily good, as in the good behavior) moment. Actually, it's more of vindication with a slight sense of satisfaction. What the heck am I talking about? Let's just say that (although I really didn't hear anything but, still...) people just might realize I'm not being difficult.

change

I was in second year high school (oops! Did I just reveal my age?) when Benigno Aquino was shot. It was a sunday afternoon and during one local shows (I want to believe I had forgotten the show! hehehehe) when the news was flashed on the screen. I know of Benigno Aquino as Ferdinand Marcos' political arch-enemy but that was just about it. I was then, I guess, too much engrossed with my TV shows and books that I had no inclination to think beyond my make-believe world. A lot of things started to happen after that event. Political turmoil, economic depression and changes were occurring left and right. After two years, people power happened. I was already a senior but, still, I was not that interested. I mean, yeah, there was a change in leadership and all but, it didn't really affect me personally so I would just leave it at that.

Now, as the entire nation buries former President Corazon C. Aquino, I realized that I had missed so much. Blame it on youth wasted on the young; blame it on immaturity; blame it on mis-perception; or just blame it on me.

Seeing the immeasurable amount of love heaped upon the former president made me think of how I lived my life so far. Will my eventual end bring about such over pouring of emotion? Or people will just look at my body with stoically and turned away?

It's time to change. It's time to change for good.

Oh Boy! Oh Boy!

Oh boy! Oh boy! I just allowed my temper to get the better of me today!!! First thing in the morning at that!!!!

I'm not sure if SOMEBODY UP THERE is testing my patience and, by golly gee, I failed big time today! Maybe it's the irritation of actually going out of the house half an hour earlier than usual and arrived at work 10 minutes LATE! Maybe it's the deep-rooted irritation towards a person who's still acting immaturely when you're in a hurry to accomplish a task. Maybe it's the irritation of being amassed with work that's not part of your job description. Maybe it's the irritation of having to control my temper when I just want to explode!

sunday afternoon

I had what I call a lazy day. I woke up very late (well, compared to my usual time, trust me when I SAY VERY LATE) and just let the minutes ticked by with nary a thought or worry. Can I call it a stress-free day? Well, not exactly, because when I'm in an idle mode, I'm prone to think and that's dangerous to my mental health. I tend to go to analyzing the what have beens and what should have beens. I know that I should be grateful with what life has blessed me and I really do appreciate everything but somehow when I look at the people and things happening around me, make me wonder about what if I did that or what if I chose that... the works!

Mid Year Resolution

I finally decided to resolve this thingy that has been bugging me.....


I know I already sound like a broken CD but I resolved to acquire a pachydermal approach. Instead of racking my brains on where did I do wrong, I'd rather spend my time enjoying my life. Thank you very much!

?

For the past couple of days, people have been chastisizing me on how I manage my finances. Why did I have to take a vacation when I should have saved the money instead? There's no need to buy a new phone.... Why do I always joke about asking for money?

Ok, I know that money is very important. But, in the truest sense of its relevance, can money really buy what we really want? I'm not justifying my expenses but I am just about this close in shouting SHUT UP ALREADY! I did not ask for any vacation funds nor did I beg for my phone.

Ok, I get the picture on saving for rainy days. I may not have the 7 figures bank balance or what have you, but I am very much aware of that.

I just wish that these people instead of criticizing my every actions, they should look at themselves and maybe, just maybe, they could stifle the urge to crash the mirror into smithereens.

Know Who Your Friends Are.....

One of the things that really dampens my spirit is to know what kind of a person a friend truly is. Trust is one thing that I don't give easily but once I entrust it a to another, it is supposed to be for life. To have that treasured trust thrown carelessly back at your face is something I can NEVER EVER forgive and forget. I can present a civil and polite mask to that person but, deep inside, that trust would never be given again. No more heart-to-heart talks. No more glimpse of the real me. No more trust.