I have no idea why it happened and when it happened but it appears that I have changed. Be it for good or worse, I can't really tell. But, for some people whom I actually believed to know me, they can't seem to put the old me and the new me together. I do wonder, was I the one who changed or they're the one who changed. Come to think of it, it doesn't really matter at all. As selfish as it may sound, I'm more concerned with myself. I have been relying so long on my rock that that I had lost track of what I wanted to do. I became so complacent that everything will be just there waiting for me to start doing then that I had forgotten that nobody waits for anybody in this world. Harsh, but, oh so true!
Ok, I promise myself that this will the last time I would be writing about this.... It does hurt so much to have your trust thrown back at your face so carelessly. Anything you say would be misconstrued and your actions misinterpreted. It has become so tiresome to explain yourself and pretend that you're somebody else JUST to give in to somebody's else whims. Sometimes I do question if I really had a friend at all. I don't question the 'user-friendly' aspect of the relationship but to be treated SO like a lowly individual... It does make me want to REGRET all the time a-wasted. Ok so I'm not THAT nice or presentable ENOUGH or financially-awesome... and if that's all you're after, SORRY, M'DEAR, BUT THIS IS WHO I AM... TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE...
Going back to myself, maybe its the age thing but I'm not as brave with change as I was years ago... Not I'm saying that I'm not afraid at all, it's just that I was more impulsive... Now, I'm so not comfortable with the unfamiliar that I purposely avoid them. But, now.... it seems I have no choice but to embrace them...
A lot of things occurred, a lot of changes happened.. they opened my eyes to the new things (although i think most of them were already there but I just ignored them). I must welcome the new things and sift through the old ones. Time to make those change... NOW
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