through the years....

She was one of my first friend in the new school that I transferred to. I'm not sure anymore how we "clicked" but it did. Although I was reassigned to another section and met a few good friends, we managed to sustain the friendship (it would've a lot of work on her part though because I tend to get lost in space...hehehehe)

We really haven't able to maintain a regular for of communication but, whenever we have the chance to get together, it was like we're high school freshmen all over again. And I realized one thing (it was kindah an enlightenment thing for me, so please humor me on this...), she was of the two persons in the entire world whom I can speak freely. I mean, freely, as in no care for any possible case of libel and slander, much more of the shame and scandal stuff! hehehehehehe

It was really a good way to end the year (for me) by re-connecting with an old friend who will always be one of my best friend.

My Mission Impossible

For a couple of months, I have searching for my new mobile phone. I'm not choosy, really, all I want is a phone with BIG screen and BIG storage space for MP3s and videos. My choice now boils down to Nokia E63 and LG KP500 cookie. Oh boy! This is really hard!!!!!

Give Love on Christmas Day

When I was younger, I was so into the entire process of gift-giving, choosing, buying, and wrapping.... Now, I just couldn't fathom the whole concept of actually asking for gifts... Duh?!? Is that what Christmas has become? People expecting to receive "gifts" and will audacious react negatively when they don't like what they got? Is this really how we celebrate Christmas?

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Less than a month from now, a new year will begin....

Looking back at the last eleven months of 2008, i learned a very important lesson on how to deal with people. Never assume that you know what others think.... No two people think like, even twins, so it's humanly impossible to say that you know what others are thinking or feeling... It took me quite a while for really understand the concept because i used to pride myself as somewhat a considerate person and all... but, i was floored!!!!! it took a really big blow to my pride to be actually aware that i don't really know what i was talking or proud about. although, i still tend to believe that i can effectively sympathize, i am really learning to instill within myself that i am, in reality, fooling myself in that belief. i don't know how others think or feel because i'm not them and likewise, i should NEVER expect others to know how or what i feel because they're not me. hopefully, by next year, i can say that i've become a better person.

Twilight

When a friend first mentioned to me about this book, called, twilight, i was like, DUH?!? Then she told me that it was about a romance between a human girl and a vampire... i went, "Mercy! I haven't gotten over how Joss Whedon tore Buffy and Angel apart!" No more impossible romance plots for me, please.

About couple of months ago, I began getting all those news regarding twilight books and movies, how it was one of the highly-anticipated book-to-movie event, yada-yada, so i told myself, read it and be done with it. Against my better judgement, i borrowed the twilight books... and, well...i must say, it's addicting.

I'm not sure how twilighters would react, but I honestly believe the the 4 volumes could be condensed in 2-book series. Give me a break, how many heartless bloodsuckers are out there planning to kill bella anyway? One book solely devoted to bella's reckless attempts to "hear" edward's voice and edward's pointless attempts to sacrifice his one true love for the greater good. Another book talked nothing about one of those heartless bloodsucker out to avenge her lover's demise. Call me heartless, but, I would be happier with just two books.

Going back to my addiction, well, I must say that I'm quite satisfied with the movie version. Although I was initially not to be jumping for joy with robert pattinson as edward cullen (maybe because he will always be cedric diggory to me!), he had proven to be edward cullen. With a little subtle changes here and there (for cinematic purposes, i think), the movie remains true to the book and for that I am grateful to the production people.

Although I'm not THAT crazy over the book 2 and book 3, I will still be looking forward to seeing bella and edward onscreen. Yes, this is an addiction! hehehehehe

It's O-V-E-R!!!!

Whew!!!!! I have never felt this much relief over something akin to confusion, well, actually of my doing. I wasn't really that serious over a possible change in my life. I was more of testing the waters but, of course, I just had to be caught up in a tangle of misunderstanding. Good thing though that even if the final resolution wasn't ideal to the other end, for my end, there was nothing but relief.

Am I speaking in riddles? Let me put it simply, I made an impulsive act without really thinking and put me in a spot where I almost lost not only my present employment (although I had an offer, quite good actually) but a very good friend as well. Luckily, all's well that's hopefully really do ended well!

Awkward Much?!?

In as much as I try to go along with everybody at work, there will still be a couple of those rub me in the wrong way. I really try to be fair in dealing with them even though most of the time I struggle between strangling them or simply slapping them silly. So I guess, it's (more than, actually) awkward to be put together in a confined space, let's say a car. Although I am pretty sure I can be civil but question like what the hell will we talk about aside from the weather bugs me from the word go.

Should I or Should I Not?

I am in a dilemma of my own making!!!!!! Should I get myself a new mobile phone or should I get myself a new ipod nano-chromatic? Choices! Choices!!! If only, I can get both!!!!!

I Really Do.....

I never deny that I'm not the nicest of persons nor the most patient but I really do try to consider other people's feelings in making decisions. Somehow, I am more than baffled with this one person I know. Don't get me wrong, I don't see the two of us as friends. We're more of two persons forced to co-exist 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Harsh, I don't think so. That's how it is, really.

In fairness to her, we never really have anything BIG against each other. But, we manage to, unconsciously or could be consciously, rub each other in the wrong way. To make this brief, we are not operating on the same frequency. Actually, she's not too bad during her good days but she has this streak of meanness in her that never fails to make me want to commit bloody murder.

Again, I never deny that I'm one the laziest persons in the planet but I am aware what my duties are in line with my work. I am also very much aware of how important is to sustain a working inter-personal relationship. But she just makes me want to shake my head from 9am to 5pm, it's as if looooooong personal calls are part of her job description. What irritates me the most is the nonchalant way she responds when I ask her about work. Is it me or is it the work? If it's the work that she dislikes, well, I'm so sorry, there's nothing I can do for her. She has to work that one for herself and, hopefully, with minimal effect on me. On the other hand, if it's about me, she's not exactly an endearing person as well. So, I guess, in some weird way, we're even?!?

Refer to Maker

I learned something new today. If a bank would rather mention specifically the reason why it's returning a check because the risk will be minimal on it's part, it would put 'REFER TO MAKER'. I wonder if I can use that, too.....

Here I Go Again.....

Just when I was about to make THE final decision, I get second thoughts.... What's wrong with me? Can't I let go or am I'm just plain scared? I think I'm going with the scared option.

Friday Fun: The Music Edition

They say that music can bring out powerful emotions or memories in a person. I know that can be very true for me!

1. What are 5 songs that will forevermore remind you of high school?
~borderline by madonna
~manic monday by the bangles
~to love again by sharon cuneta
~growing up by gary valenciano
~farewell by raymond lauchengco

2. Do you have “a song” with that special someone? What is it and how did it become “your” song?
~save the best for last by vanessa williams (for obvious reasons! hehehehehe)

3. Is there a song out there that just seems to speak to you?
~love me for what i am by the carpenters

4. What song just gets you moving and makes you happy?
~together forever by rick astley

5. What is your favorite genre of music?
~80's!!!!!

She said, She said

One thing's for sure! It's definitely weird to find yourself used as a listening post by the very same person who gave you the cold shoulder and, i'd rather not believed it but my instinct told me otherwise, talked a lot behind my back.

I'm not saying that I don't talk about other people behind their backs.... Hello! Everybody does but I try to follow a family rule that we should avoid, as much as possible, to speak out when it's a negative thought. Why? Because there is absolutely no way we can take back the words once they came out of our mouths. Words are more hurtful than physical blows, believe me!

Anyway, I could call it karma but I'd rather spare her the painful process that I had to go through with her indifference and outright ignorance of my existence for, i think, couple of months or more. I could really laugh at her situation right now and, justifiably, say, now what you know what you've been through but what's the use. I won't feel right about it. I know, I'm a soft-hearted pushover of the worst kind. I can never bear to see anybody who I had considered to be my friend to be so bothered and troubled. Call me stupid but that's how I am as a person.

But, my sympathy and empathy aside, one thing is absolutely clear for me. I don't think it's possible for me to REALLY trust her with my innermost thoughts. Trivial stuff is easy but to open myself again? I don't think that will happen for a very long time to come.

First Step...

I have to make a decision tonight whether I will go to work tomorrow or not....

I Said, You Said, They Said

I used to be so affected with other people's perception towards me. I even had a dream before that my face has pore openings bigger that rose flowers and according to a friend who's into dream stuff, it meant that I am so concerned with how other people think.

I'm not sure if I had just learned to accept it, or somehow I reached a stable maturity level or the bitch in me just plain got tired and wanted to hit back. hehehehehe

Don't get me wrong, I am still affected especially when I honestly believed that I'm the wronged party. At the same time, I have mastered the art of smirking.... hehehehehe I'm not really sure how others see my smirk, but for me, I felt a whole lot better (especially with myself), whenever I turned on my smirk mode. I don't give so much weight anymore with what you said or they said, as long as I know what I said.

Manic Monday

"It's six o'clock already and I'm just in a middle of a dream...."

I'm not sure if it's just psychological or something but I find it incredibly hard to get my motor running on Monday mornings.

To Judge or Not To Judge

Before anything else, I ADMIT! I'm guilty of being judgmental and actually NOT PROUD OF IT. I could always point the blame to my upbringing. I mean, everybody around me, has always something to say (unfortunately, most of the time, it's on the negative side of sphere) about everything. I can easily say that I picked up that bad habit. But, I know, that I am (more than!) old enough to be responsible for my actions instead of blaming everything and everything except moi!

Anyway, for some reason, I have always been annoyed by an acquaintance. Anything he says or does irritates the heck out of me, regardless if its good or bad. Maybe, we're on the opposite side of the moon or maybe we're too alike that we clash. OH NO! DON'T GET THE WRONG IDEA, PLEASE! Before you can utter, Oh YEAH, OPPOSITES ATTRACT, that will never do unless anybody out there would wish me incarcerated for bloody murder!

Going back to what I am supposed to be writing, this guy has been judging a lot of things lately, mostly personal decisions of other people whom I'm not sure if he even knew them personally at all. I'm not saying that I don't put labels on people, all I'm saying that I don't dare to proclaim my verdict on any issue, especially when it's too controversial for my own good. Why hand over the hammer that others would so love to whack my head with? Besides, the people concerned won't give a damn on my opinions anyway. They strongly believe what they do is right so how would anything I say can make a difference? Likewise, I also believe that I am right so....

We're no longer little kids being smothered with fairy tales, fables and parental control. We have lived (hopefully, we do!) out lives for almost half of the century. Assuming we did, shouldn't our view of life be not confined with what should be but be widened as to accommodate things beyond the realm of our comfort zone?

I think life would be a lot peaceful if we just respect other people. Instead of loudly judging other people, why shouldn't we just give them the personal space they're entitled to. We don't have the right to judge their actions that we may believe could be right or wrong. We're not perfect. We make mistakes. Everybody else does. Let's leave at that.

With A Smile....

Whew!!!!!! This was definitely one of the most physically tiring, not to forget, psychologically draining as well, day of my professional life. Come to think of it, it was more exhausting to sustain a positive disposition with a lot of irritated clients and uncooperative, ehem, colleagues.

I'm not really sure how it did but, personally, I think I managed to maintain a smile with a little frown showing itself once in while! hehehehehehe

I am thinking.....

Somebody asked me what in the world did i wrote on my facebook wall.... well, it was in chinese... (actually, it was my way of staying anonymous! hehehehe)....

here's the english translation:

I can never understand people
They never forget even your smallest mistakes,
yet, they completely forgot whatever good you did to them.


At the risk of sounding like a broken record, yes, I'm still hurting. Although, I promise, I'm trying to move on and look at the betrayal as a learning experience (which it is, by the way), but, I still remember disappointment of having your trust thrown back at your face. I know! I know! I should have known better but, I guess, I can't help but try to focus on the good things. YES, I KNOW HOW WRONG THAT WAS! But, then again, these so-called people actually remembered me for being a transformer instead of a attempting to be a friend. Oh well, I guess, life has to go on.....

Things I Learned in Kindergarten

I was rummaging through my drawer for photographs that I could add to my facebook photo album when I came across this old picture. By old, I mean, it was taken more that 30 years ago (so, did I just reveal my age here? hehehehe). The picture was taken during (I believe) a musical program when I was in kindergarten (not exactly sure if it was kinder 1 or 2).

Kindergarten.... I miss those days of carefree and innocent existence. There was no malice among us kids. As far as I can recall, we were happy with just chasing each other along the school corridors and sharing snacks (although I don't think I can drink milk out of a recycled peanut butter bottle willingly again!)

Goodness, I don't think I have seen any of those people in the photograph after we graduated from elementary school... hmmmm.....

Looking forward.....

I never really thought that I can feel this excitement about a possible change in my life. Weird.... Trust me, it's really weird. From a person who positively abhors and detest the very idea of change, to say that I'm getting all agog is weird. Maybe, because, subconsciously, I know it's time for that.... Maybe, I've matured somehow after all these years.... Maybe, I'm so fed up already with the inanities of my present situation.... Anyway, whatever is the real reason behind my actually looking forward to this phenomenon (hehehe), I'm quietly cherishing what could possible be my last three months with this group of people who have made me laugh, irritated, amused, angry, rolled my eyes and disheartened.

Maturity

Sometimes I really do wonder if maturity does come with age.... I mean, look at me, instead of making plans for my retirement (hehehehe) and do more constructive and relevant things, I still go gaga over idol dramas, care bears and inanities. To top it all, I still can't control my temper which, of course, lead to numerous misunderstanding and conflicts. Not that I don't think about the future, I do have something brewing, it's just that future is so far away. A lot of things happen under a minute, what more, days, week, months or even years from now. I'd rather live as if it's the last day of my life and enjoy every second of it. So, is it a more sensible thing to say that immaturity comes with age?



*photo courtesy of http://www.plush-toy.co.uk/acatalog/1care-bears-3-pack.jpg

Jenny

I'm experiencing last song syndrome!!!!!!!!!!

Ever since I heard the acoustic version of this song, it just keeps on playing in my head..... NON-STOP!!!!





*video courtesy of cba09


JENNY by the Click Five

She calls me baby
then she wont call me
says she adores me
and then ignores me
(Jenny, What's the problem?)

She keeps her distance
and sits on fences
puts up resistance
and builds defenses
(Jenny, Whats the problem?)

You keep me hanging on the line
everytime you change your mind

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

She needs her own space
she's playing mind games
ends up at my place
saying that she's changed
(Jenny, what's the problem?)

I'm trying to read between the lines
you got me going out of my mind

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
It's killing me
(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
It's killing me
(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
Jenny

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

It's killing me

Jenny


*lyrics from http://www.lyricsdomain.com/20/the_click_five/jenny.html

goodbye....

I used to believe that to be liked
I have to set myself aside
and put all of your above else

I used to think that to be liked
I have to block my thoughts
and give in to all your whims

I used to think that to be liked
I have to stop liking myself
unless you like me too

Weelll, that was then and today is now

Now, I like myself
more than anybody else

Now, I cater to my whims
before I even think about yours

Now, I go first before anybody else
and, that, my dear, includes you!




*photo courtesy of openphoto.net

Changing.....

A light bulb in my head sparked today... I had a realization that I am changing.... Is it for the worse or for the better, I honestly have no idea yet.

After being exposed to the "real" world (as others would put it), I have grown a rather thick skin which is actually helpful in fighting off negative vibes although there are times it wears off it's effectivity.... hehehehehe

Going back to my mutation (hehehe), I have learned how to turn my game face on and off at will. People may look at me and say I'm a big (ouch! hehehe) fake. Well, if that's how they perceive my person, it's really no big deal. I can never please them all anyway. Besides, no matter how hard I tried, I can never think like those perfect people nor I can do things like those perfect people because I'm not those perfect people. I guess, I have also grown tired of trying to be liked and ended up being somebody else who I'm definitely not. This time, they would have to learn to accept me for who and what I am and not who they want me to be.

Admittedly, it will still take time for me to get used to this new me, I am starting to enjoy this freedom.

Trivia

I've been testing my knowledge of movie trivia with a facebook application called never-ending movie quiz and the results were pretty scary. Scary in the sense that I know more about movie stuff than the REAL stuff!

Musings of a Scaredy Cat

I'm now celebrating my 39th birthday.... oh yeah, 1 more year to go and i'll be stepping into a new decade....

No, I'm not scared of getting old although I sometimes get a jolt whenever I picture myself being all alone..... Anyway, getting on biologically is among the least of my worries nowadays... I'm more concerned of what's changing right now...

I'm facing a crossroad, in terms of career choices. Should I stay at where I'm more comfortable or should I go forward and challenge myself (with corresponding higher financial gain, of course)?

It's a weird feeling because, I think I'm beginning to accept that I'll be taking the leap. Every action I take now is always laced with the notion that it's gonna be my last. But, I'm still REALLY scared.

Going back to my opening line, I'm already 39 and I'm not getting any younger.....

Second Thoughts

Here I go again, after I had thoroughly convinced myself that I should not give so much weight on my emotions when making decision but instead focus on what could be rationalized as correct, well, as soon as I hear that change is imminent, I began to have cold feet (literally!). I know for a fact, that I should start taking that big step. somehow, fear is fast clouding (yet, again) whatever logic left.

Maybe, it's time for me to consult a psychiatrist. I admit, I need help!!!!!!

Birthday Headache

As far back as I can recall, I always suffer from painful headache and fever whenever my birthday approaches. I'm not exactly sure if it's because of stress that I'm getting a year older or I'm just plain scared of the what the future holds.



photo courtesy of manga-vn.com

Kuya's Girl

Aside from being a Papa's girl, I must say I'm also a Kuya's girl, especially to my second older brother. One can say he kindah spoiled me with material stuff and attention, but, more than that, my Kuya is also one of the few people I can be myself without any fear of consequences. I can be funny, bitchy, nice, angry or even stupid with him and I can be very sure that I won't be judged. I miss my Kuya and one of my dearest wish is to be able to visit him and hear him sing (since he's been bragging how good he is now!).

Headaches

After taking into careful consideration the factors that could possibly attibute to my excruciating and extremely inconvenient headaches, I finally realized that I have several options to mark as causes:
1. late nights - blame it to blogging! seriously, i enjoy the chatting, surfing and other stuff you can do that sleep seemed to be a bother.
2. perfume - oh yeah! blame it to smell pollution.
3. caffeine overdose - now that is one factor I would never admit to even if it's true!



*photo courtesy of www.flickr.com

Changes

Again, I'm standing at a crossroad. I need to decide should I make a turn or stay put. Mercy! I so do not like this feeling. I have always been more comfortable with the familiar but I am very much aware that although change could be scary, it's the very thing that could make me a stronger person.

Of course, I know that there is no perfect situation. Somehow, someway, there will be something we won't be agreeable with. But, it's how we handle situation that would make it perfect. Now if only I can find that skill and, maybe then I won't be scared of change anymore.

Insecurity and Selfishness

It's a sad, sad thing to see people being eat up with insecurity and selfishness that they forget their humanity. Admittedly, I also have my insecurities and I do have my bouts of selfishness but I do try to escape from these traps. Insecurity erodes not only your zest for life but the innate goodness in yourself as well. Selfishness re-focuses your energy to what you want at all cost with nary a thought to what is right.

Fairy Tale

I don't know about you but I grew up thinking that the life is like a fairy tale. If you did something good, you'll be rewarded and every story ends happily ever after.

Well, I'm now actually pushing 40 and, well, I don't see any fairy tale unfolding (yet!).... Not that I'm expecting one because the bubble had already burst, like so 10 years ago, but somehow therein lies STILL a romantic in me. Although I'm not thinking anymore in terms of weddings and stuff (time to get real!), I dream now of a peaceful life (and successful won't be all that bad).

Tupperware Party

At the risk of being eternally ostracized in my workplace (hehehe), I'm still gonna say this, I have realized that for five days a week, I'm attending a big tupperware party. Why? I had learned that true friendships are rare among co-workers. Everybody (oh yeah, the list does include me sometimes) has ulterior motives that require to use (and, for the ambitious, abuse) other people, plus we have monthly income to boot!

Patience is Virtue

For the longest time this has always been a funny thing for me (please forgive if I had or, most probably, will offend anybody), but I have always say this, Patience is virtue, unfortunately I'm not a virtuous person. Funny right? Admit it, you're laughing yourself sick. Okay, there's a shadow of a smile trying to break free....

Seriously, I really envy those people whose patience runs deeper than the abyss. They can honestly enjoy the luxury of the wait and bask at their ultimate success. Me? Nah..... I'm an antsy person (might come from all those MUGS of coffee I've had?). I want things done RIGHT NOW or NOT AT ALL. Contradicting? Yeah, oxymoronic even! hehehehe

I've tried to be really patient with people, places and things around me. Scout's Honor! I tried to mask any impatience I might be feeling with a smile or I'll just think of some inanities to humor myself. In fairness, it did work FOR A WHILE. The bad thing there is that all the impatience have amassed to such an infinite quantity.

It's so hard not to explode at the slightest provocation (it could be a careless comment, nonchalance or I just happen to not like that person's face at the moment! hehehe) and I honestly believe that I'm starting to develop a personality discorder with all this control.

Ang Taba Mo!

Promise, the moment I hear the comment, "Ang Taba Mo!" one more time.... grrrrrr!!!!!!! Kasama ba sa listahan ng physical injuries ang manapak?!?

I'm not naman denying the fact na OO, MATABA AKO, pero kailangan pang ulit-ulitin yun na parang wala na akong ibang nagawang maganda o may saysay kahit kaunti sa buhay maliban sa katabaan ko? Nakakapikon na....

Cute bang tanungin ako nang, "pumapayat ka yata?" Haller?!? Malabo lang mata ko, hindi ako bulag! There's no need na magpaka-plastic pa! Diretushin na nang matapos pero ang frustration ko lang dyan eh wala na bang ibang masasabi sa akin kundi yun?!? Oo, alam ko, masagwang tingnan, hindi kaaya-aya, at kung anu-ano pang nega pang reaction. But, this is me! Kung hindi nyo kayang tanggapin ako, cellulites and all, eh thank you very much na lang po. Pero, tama na talaga at malapit na akong magwala!

Happy Ending

With all the horror stories going around, I have started to discount the reality of happy endings. I have been hearing a lot of those tragic happenings that the idea of perfect life has become an impossible dream.

Maybe it's the fear talking or maybe it's the ignorance taking over but would it be so incredibly stupid of a person to enter into what have become hellish experiences to a lot of people I know very well. I know that I should not lose the idealistic side of my person, but, hey, it would be only difficult, but extremely difficult to remain positive amidst all the negative aura swirling around me. On the other hand, I should not endeavor to sustain whatever positive energy I might still have because it is the only thing that will help survive.

Hopefully, someday, I can see with my eyes that happy ending can still be a reality and I can feel their smiles not just see them.

80s Music

I really don't know what came over me but I suddenly got hit with an urge to listen to 80's music, be it foreign or OPM.

Maybe I'm just missing the carefree times, maybe I just need to enjoy the soothing quality or maybe I'm just too tired of the noise that kids nowadays call music. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate some of the songs release this decade but, somehow, they don't seem to have that timeless appeal of the 80s music.

Words to Live By

I was watching a news on item on cable regarding the First Lady of new Taiwanese President. She visited a school and was happily playing with the children. Before she left, she advised the children never forget these words and liberally use them, "Please", "Thank You" and "Sorry."

As simple as these words may sound, they are by far the most important words in any language.

WHATEVER!!!!

Most of the time, I'm so beyond amazement on the intricate workings of the human minds, well, except for my mind because it usually does not do what it supposed to do.

Although I must admit I'm also guilty on that regard a lot of times (I do try not to commit the same crime ever again!), I can't help but shake my hand at the incredible assumption people make about me. Well, I'm guess I'm not crowned as the most misinterpreted, misconstrued and all the other possible mis-ses in the world for the nothing. Again, I've trying rocking my brains and going back to all the things I've said or done that could have led to a particular assumption on me. Goodness! All I did was to follow an order from higher-up and now I'll be going on a long vacation?!? As Ellen DeGeneres would say it her show, "What?!?"

Whew!!! This is a very delicious gossip if it wasn't about me! hehehehe Seriously, I don't have an iota of an idea as to what instigated this fantastic assumption. Oh well, I guess, I should take it as a good sign that I'll probably go on A VERY LONG VACATION in the near future!

I'm not angry nor irritated nor agitated, not even itsy, bitsy, teensy, weensy trace of annoyance. Honestly, I'm more of bewildered and in awe of their powers of deduction. Goodness, and I actually believed I'm smart!

命中注定我愛你

This is probably the most watched idol drama in Taiwan ever, 命中注定我愛你, or Fated to Love You in English.

I almost didn't watched this series because I wasn't so crazy about the lead actor. Why? I was hoping that another actor would play the part (because I am always, and still is, a fan of 明道 and 陳喬恩 tandem) but, I found the teaser interesting so I told myself, give it a couple of episodes then I'll decide it I'd rather go to sleep or stay up late.

The story is actually quite simple. It's about an ordinary girl who went on a cruise with her boyfriend and hoped to take their relationship to the next level. On the other hand, this rich guy took the cruise with a grand plan of a wedding proposal to his ballerina girlfriend. But the hands of fate (aided by a couple of clumsy men and a rather selfish girlfriend) directed these two to meet in the most incredible circumstance. Funny and touching situations followed and the craziest group of supporting characters will make you laugh then cry, well, most of the time at the same time.

Two sundays to go and I'll be saying goodbye to 紀存希 and 陳欣怡 (I'm not exactly panicking because there will be DVDs and what have you! hehehehe). I will surely miss these two characters that made me smile and sigh and sob every Sundays.

Oh, by the way, where in the world did rubber duckie go?

When it's so much fun to just laugh.....

I've been trying to think of something interesting and witty to write for the last couple of days. I've been typing and deleting, then type and delete again. It has become such an easy way out for me to tell myself, I'll probably come up with something tomorrow. Well, that's not going to happen tonight... I will type anything that will come to mind and it won't be such a big deal for me if it does not make any sense. Whatever makes sense to me does not necessarily makes sense to you and vice versa.

I've always been taught that if everything else fails, laugh. It may sound, well, come to think of it, it does sound crazy. But, it works for me.

I don't know why but I always manage to put myself in such a fix that I suffer so much from migraine attacks and bouts of indigestion. I even got myself diagnosed with stomach flu although I'm still not even sure if there is such a sickness but that's what I heard from my doctor and I'm not saying otherwise!

Anyway, it was such a torture to have your head felt like cracking up with pain every sunday nights. Yes, I have regular migraine attacks every sunday night for almost 10 years. It can be from the mildest of discomfort to have all the rock bands in the world having a concert inside your head, specifically on only one side of your head. I've avoided taking pain killer as much as I can because I don't want to develop addiction of any kind but, lately, I decided to not make myself suffer and take whenever an ordinary massage can't help.

Okay, so why sunday nights in particular? I think, maybe because tomorrow is Monday, the start of work week... Seriously, it's exhausting to manage a business when the economy is not exactly bright and rosy. (This was exactly when I confirmed why I so dislike to study anything connected with Commerce in college, but, then again, that's exactly what my college degree is! hehehe) It's also the same case when I seeked employment elsewhere. Monday was such a depressing thought for me that my head began to throb with pain with the sun sets every Sunday.

Now, why do I say that laughter is the best medicine? Somehow, laughter is what got me through the migraine attacks and the bouts with indigestion. Laughter has effective erased whatever angst I may have with my life. Laughter has taught me to deal with people who are as difficult as me. In a nutshell, laughter has allowed me to live my life.

I can laugh at anything, or should I say that I'm learning now to focus more on the humorous side of life instead of emphasizing on the negative aspect. It can be a mere thought of a song, a place, a scene from a tv series, my nephew's naughty antics or basically what humor I can find from anything.

Laughter is the best medicine, not only for the physical sickness but for my emotional and mental well-being. I may give in to a frown here and there but at the end of the day I'll be having a goofy smile that says that everything's just fine.

Bonding Time

Quality time with family is really something that can't be bought with the most valued currency or with the most precious stones. At the risk of sounding too idealistic (yeah, there's a bit of it left somewhere... hehehehe), I felt the veracity of the statement, "money can't buy you everything."

One doesn't need to go to expensive restaurants or to go on grand tours to be able to bond with your family. All that is needed is the love in your hearts and the rest will follow naturally.

A simple trip to the mall and an hour of chatting about everything and anything important and inanities are enough to make me feel how lucky and loved I am!

My Favorite 華語歌曲

背影 【林宥嘉】
彩虹 【張心傑】
到不了 【范瑋琪】
感情綫 【Tension】
紅豆 【王菲】
花香 【許紹洋】
快樂 【張智成】
那些日子 【陶晶瑩】
捕夢人 【潘裕文】
三暝三日 【吳宗憲】
笑着流淚 【楊采妮】
我愛的人 【林宥嘉】
我恨我愛你 【張惠妹】
我難過 【5566】
小鎮姑娘 （陶喆】
心有林夕 【林宥嘉】
心願便利貼 【元若潔&吳忠明】
旋木 【袁惟仁】
葉子 【阿桑】
遇見 【孫燕姿】
趁早 【張宇】
追 【張國榮】

My Favorite 電視連續劇

愛上女主播 (All About Eve)



放羊的星星 (My Lucky Star)



宮 (Princess Hours)
豪門本色



還珠格格 1, 2 (Princess of the Returning Pearl 1, 2)



流星花園 (Meteor Garden)



秒手仁心 1, 2 (Healing Hands 1, 2)



名揚四海 (Friends)



命中注定我愛你 (Fated to Love You)



秋天的童話 （Endless Love)



大時代 (Greed of Man)



天龍八部 (The Demi Gods and Semi Devils)



天使之翼



王子變青蛙 (Frog Prince)



微笑 Pasta (Smiling Pasta)



我和疆死有個約會1，2，3 (My Date with a Vampire 1, 2, 3)




笑傲江湖 (State of Divinity)



笑看風雲 (Instinct)



刑事偵緝檔案 1，2， 3 (Detective Investigation Files 1，2，3)



薰衣草 (Lavender)



再世情緣



麻雀愛上鳳凰

我是中國人

Today is the 8th day of the 8th month of year 2008 and, officially, at 8:00pm tonight, the Summer Olympics games had opened at Beijing, China.

Watching the ceremony on TV (how I wished I was right there in person!), it made me so proud to be Chinese. It's not the amount of money spent on the production or how colorful and magnificent the fireworks were or how jaw-dropping the performances were. It's the realization that China has come a long way and what an incredible journey it was.

Not for Sensitive Skin

Disclaimer: No, this is not in any way connected to anything dermatological in nature.

Take away the irritation, annoyance and frustration, I should be extremely grateful to my so-called "friends" who had intentionally (or, hopefully, unintentionally) misconstrued my every action and misinterpreted my every word. Their "concern" has helped me develop an immunity to anything and everything not nice thus curing me from that uncomfortable state of having sensitive skin.

Oh yes, I suffered so much, well, mostly, emotionally, with my sensitive skin before. I was so incredibly sensitive back then that I used to cry (oh yes, I did shed all those tears, believe me!) at the slightest provocation.

Fortunately for me, I had help with my "treatment." Real friends who never withdrew their support, family who never lessened their life and time who never forced me to face life head on until it's right for me to do so.

User-friendly

I can't remember exactly when we started to use the term "user-friendly". Initially, we used it in jest but, we've come to a realization that, indeed, there is a user-friendly in each of us.

For others, the term user-friendly maybe a big turn-off. Personally, I say that it depends on how you practice the concept. You can be a user-friendly person but in a nice way, meaning, you "use" other people's strengths to gain something but in return, you allow yourself to be used as well. Or you can be that user-friendly person that everybody wants to avoid, meaning you abuse other people's trust and talent for your personal gain. Everything, of course, is dependent on how you would execute the concept (hehehehe).

Here's an advice, when you practice the concept, please, don't make it too obvious. Don't act as it you're all good and kindness towards the person you're planning to use then deliberately ignore him/her after you're done with him/her. You might not get the chance to "use" that person again. What's worse? You'll probably lose your "usefulness" as well.

Heads or Tails?

For every issue that people argue, discuss and, basically, disagree about, we are taught that it always has two sides to it. The question, on which side are we on.

For somebody like who aspires to remain neutral as long as I can, this is a mind-boggling situation. Who should I favor? In first place, how would I be able to distinguish who is right? Or should I say, the lesser of two evils?

Whose side should I take? The one who decides with his heart or the one who puts logic over emotions?

Maybe I should just toss a coin and see on which side it would land....

Rain, rain

Rain, rain, please stay
I beg you not to go away
I want to sleep all day....

It's raining real hard all day today. There's no typhoon or storm (I'm ashamed to admit that I'm still not sure what's the difference between these two weather phenomenon! hehehehe) that causes the non-stop rain. I guess, it's that time of the year.

One Day at a Time

One thing I realized last Friday is that almost everybody around me has become health-conscious. They're into blood tests and consultations on all symptoms presently known to mankind and then some.

Personally, I'm doctor-phobic. Meaning? I'd rather not know any illness that I may be sufferring from instead of hearing all those eye-boggling medical terms that could trigger brain-crushing migraine. It's not good, right? I know. Somehow, I'm more at peace with that and, I guess, less stressful.

Yes, less stressful, because I believe that a lot of those medical problems stem from too much stress in our life. So, I'm opting to take life one day at a time. Instead of thinking so much of what will happen, I will sit back and smell the roses. Problems will come however we try to avoid it anyway. And, instead of thinking of how other people will look at my person, I will think of how I will live my life. No one would suffer nor enjoy the consequences of my actions but me so i see no reason why should I give so much importance to their opinion.

Life is too short to keep on thinking what others think of me. They don't live my life for me. I do.

Now, if only my friends will remind me about this entry the next time I hear bad things being said about me....

Last Day Alive

If today is my last day alive, what will I do?

Hmm.... since I don't have anything material to speak of, I guess, all I will do is to say "thank you" and "sorry" to everybody who had been a part of my life directly or indirectly, knowingly or unknowingly, happily or unhappily.

If you really think about it, what's there left to do? The more you try to think of all the things that you should do, the more you can't let go. So, I'd rather leave this world with a lightness in my heart and a smile on my face than be burdened with the distribution of material wealth. Come to think of it, that's irrelevant in my case because I don't have anything to distribute, well, except for my treasured collection of Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys books!

Lesson Learned

I am slowly but surely learning to not care. Sounds harsh? But that's the most important lesson to learn if you want to survive in this jungle also known as the workplace...

I don't how it happened or when it happened, but I have developed an unbelievably thick skin... In fact, I've turned into a cynic. Any comments, be it positive or negative, be it about me or somebody else, I always react with a smirk. I'm not sure what my smirk implied but, for now, I really don't care anymore. I've been called and thought of in the worst possible way, so I believe, nothing will ever unfaze me now.

Like I said in my earlier blog, it's easier to be not nice and boy, I'm beginning to have fun, too....

Never Gonna Give You Up

Oh my goodness! Rick Astley is coming to town!!!!!

It's like have a last song syndrome with a playlist! Seriously, when I saw an item on the newspaper that Rick Astley is coming over for a one-night show, I started to hear the big voice crooning (complete with the dance steps, of course!) "it would take a strong, strong man to ever let you," "never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you," "together forever and never to pass, together forever with you, and don't you know i would move heaven and earth to be together forever with you."

Oh wow! Those were the days when I didn't have any worries except for having good grades that would make momma proud....

One Big Tupperware Party

Whenever I hear somebody say, "I don't hide what I feel, if I like you, you'll know, and if I don't, it'll show, I always go, "Yeah, right!" in my mind.

Oh puh-leeze, spare me the dramatics! Tell me one person who never mask his or her emotions, just one person.

Everybody hides what they feel one way or the other, once even twice in their lifetime. Why? For various reasons, I guess... Still, what I'm trying to say is that don't ever give me the crap that you don't pretend to be happy when you're not, to enjoy talking to a person when you're not and the like.

Admit or not, we all live in one big tupperware party. We live as it is to survive....

Calm before the Storm?

Looking back at today's events, everything went smoothly. It was a generally peaceful day. There was no, ehem, excitement. All's well that ends well. But, somehow, something doesn't quite fit right. I feel a certain fear. I fear that I might be too complacent not to smell what's coming.... Am I over-reacting? I don't know. But what's too good to be true scares me more that what's obviously out there....

A Moment That's Over..... for now

To use the word "relief" to describe my feeling right is an understatement. I have nothing but appreciation for surviving that feeling of helplessness. I'm not saying that I can do everything now... I still can't and I seriously doubt if I ever will. But, for now, I'm enjoying this sense of having overcome something that's wreaking havoc on my peace of mind.

My lesson learned on this incident is to stay awake and be constantly aware on what's happening around me. Hopefully, I can do this with a smile...

Transformer

A well-meaning co-worker told me about one of my negative trait, I transform when into one of my moods...... I really appreciate her for telling me these because admittedly, my E.Q. quotient is way below the standard.

I don't want to justify my "transformation" by saying nobody's perfect. But, sometimes, I do feel that people can be so incredibly unfair. I guess, that's life. It's easier to critique other people's weaknesses instead of acknowleding your own.

Going back to my "transforming" talent, I really try to control my temper. I think that stress of trying to remain logical has been giving me a lot of headaches lately. Anyway, I am well aware that I should try to do something about this. It's not good to be giving into irrational moods because those will lead to irrational notions that will ultimately result to irrational decisions. At this stage of my life right now, I don't have the luxury anymore of making foolish mistakes. I need to prove to my critics that I am worth more than my special ability. By the way, I can also morph!

A Moment

Okay, I'm having one of those moments when I feel so helpless.... I'm not exactly sure but the feeling that I have done something that is so wrong is almost tangible.... It's like having some wriggly stuff playing around your conscience that you can't stop thinking the what have beens, what could have beens whenever and whatever....

I really hope that everything will work out fine... I don't think my heart can take the "excitement" anymore.....

It's easier to be NOT nice

Oh yes, it's definitely easier to be not nice.... You don't have to take into consideration other people's feelings to your actions. You just go on with your merry ways and who cares what those people think of you. You only have to answer to yourself and that's it.

One thing I learned after my almost (oh yes!) forty years of existence is, it's a LOT easier to be NOT NICE..... I had so many experiences of instead of being appreciated for what you have done for the greater good, all I got were jeers and resentments. Oh yes, I have even been cursed for actually helping. GOODNESS! What should a girl do?

Cruciatus Curse

I never for one moment thought it would come to this... I'm an avid fan ever since I first laid my hands on the first Harry Potter book... It was like I was greedy (actually, I AM!) child who just couldn't get enough that I had to read it over and over and over and over......

But the last book, I was like, OMG!!!!

I never had an excruciating migraine attack like this since I studied (or should I say, crammed) for my macro-economics finals for my masters degree (which i never finished by the way and that's probably why! hehehe)... It was like having your head slowly being split into two by an electric saw and your brains cells were incredibly swollen and throbbing like percussions being thumped by crazed rock musicians....

To answer one of my friend's question, no, the book is NOT bad at all.. In fact, I never regret having to go through the pain (hahahaha)... It's just that you have to imbibe all the information amassed from all the six books (and then some) AND THAT'S TOO MUCH FOR MY PUNY MIND TO HANDLE! hehehehe

There were a lot of instances in the book when Harry suddenly had moments of enlightenment, as in, everything just fell into place and the clouds of confusion were lifted.... Errrr....... I don't believe I had any moment like that when I was trying to attempt to read the book the first time.... Come to think of it, I still didn't have them when I read the book the second time. I had to read the book thrice before I began to get glimpses of those moments... and I must stress that what I had were GLIMPSES. In order to have a clear view of the entire picture will have to take (A LOT OF) time.....HAHAHAHAHA

I had so many questions when I started to reading the book and was hoping to find the answers... Now, I still have a lot of questions and I think I need to risk more headaches and read it again and again.... hehehehehe

Memory Gap

This is probably the best time to admit it. Yes, the age factor has affected me! There! I've said it! Hahahaha I can't really remember if I was like this before but I do believe that I had a good memory then. Now? Oh boy! Let's just say that I need to put down notes to remember things especially at work. There are even times that I forgot to read my notes! Hahahahaha

Left or Right?

One thing I really don't like (and try so hard to avoid) is to be caught in a situation where I had to choose sides. Well, bad for me, I think I was in one recently.

I honestly understand where both sides are coming from In fact, I really appreciate it but I am also very much aware that beneath their concern, there is something else. I am actually caught in a middle of power struggle and I DON'T LIKE IT. I don't want to be dragged into something that I'm not a part of but is unwillingly trapped into take sides. That really frustrates me. I have nothing but respect for the both of them because they really treat me well. But I don't want to be used as their pawn.

Although I know that there will come a day that I actually have to choose whether to go left or right, but for now, I would like to remain in the neutral ground as long as I can.

True Colors

I can't help it! I just can't help it! No matter how hard I tried to curb my impatience and other not-so-nice traits... they will definitely come out in the most inappropriate times!

Ugh!!!!! I know I need to change... I know I need to grow up.... But my foot-in-mouth disease seems to be a terminal case already! Incurable!!!!

I dread to think of what others will be saying about me.... Oh well, what's the point of all the worrying... What's been said and done had already happened.... Nothing can ever undo that....

What to do? Nothing, I guess, save to wait for any consequence that will come with it... Accept it, and, hopefully, really learned from it....

The Customer is always Right.... or Left?

For us lowly individuals whose work is customer-related, we try to adhere with the principle, the customer is always right, as much as we can. But when do we stop giving in?

Do we sacrifice the procedures and regulations for customer satisfaction? Do we turn a blind eye to our customers' senseless demands to meet our quota?

Oh yes, customers have rights. (Actually, we all do!) But those so-called rights don't mean that they can treat the customer relations people as their personal valets, messengers, secretaries and, yes, slaves.

I know that it's important to maintain good relations with customers but that doesn't mean that we should be at our customers' beck and call.... It irks me so much when these so-called VIPs (especially the nouveau riche!) would try to ignore procedures for their convenience and they have the audacity to complain!

If only the customer relations' also have rights, too........

A Cup of (instant) Noodles

I never profess to be perfect (although I know sometimes I unintentionally give an impression of being a perfectionist! UGH!) nor can I really describe myself as good person (although I really try to be, HONEST!) but for people to actually have a (spat is too a mild a word while misunderstanding is too nice of an adjective) QUARREL (i really can't find a better word to put it) over (i think "because" is more apt though) a cup of instant noodles. I'm not exactly sure how to react. Should I laugh at the immaturity of their situation or should I be bothered at their immaturity of the situation?

If you think of about it, which is worse: fighting over a cup of noodles or fighting because of a cup of noodles?

727 days and counting.....

A friend reminded me that I have blogs. Somehow, for almost two years, that slipped my mind....

It really boggled the mind how I managed to forget about them... Oh well, I have no choice but to admit that the age factor is really there. It's not an illusion, folks!
Looking back at my life, oh yeah, there are changes, some I hope for the better, but of course, there will be somethings that I would rather not talk about it! HA HA HA