reflection

For the life of me, I really couldn't understand you. I'm not perfect, you know that, they know that and I KNOW THAT. Then again, SO DO YOU. Why don't you look at yourself on the mirror, I MEAN REALLY LOOK AT YOURSELF. You see all my faults, you have a lot of opinions about me and yes, you do everything right. BUT MY DEAR, DO YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE PERFECT?!? DO YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT EVERYBODY LOVES AND ADORES YOU?!? DO YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN DO NO WRONG?!? At the risk of permanently bursting your balloon.... ah.... eh..... NOBODY'S PERFECT AND THAT INCLUDES YOU. You keep on harping negative things about me... NO, I WON'T DIGNIFY YOUR ACTIONS WITH ANSWERING BACK... I WILL BE JUST PERFECT IF I DO THAT... BUT, ONE LAST REQUEST AS A FRIEND, LOOK AT THE MIRROR CAREFULLY AND CLOSELY.... LOOK AT IT AND LOOK AT YOURSELF... PLEASE!!!!!

沒有咖啡的日子 他們說常常喝咖啡會讓我失眠，心情會一點不平衡， 也許會難過。 可是對我來說， 反應是完全相反的。 如果我不喝咖啡， 我才會失眠， 心情會一些不對勁， 覺得很難過。 尤其是你離開那一天開始。。。。

BOOM!!!!

I promised myself that I won't do it anymore. I promised myself I won't give in and allow my temper to get the better of me. I promised myself I'll be good. Then.... boom!!!!! You did it again!!!! For some reason (totally unknown to me), you just grate my nerves. I guess, this is one of those instances that we rub each the VERY wrong way. I have to admit, you're not exactly a bad person and, trust me, neither am I a good person but, we just don't like each other. We just tolerate each other but there are times that our mutual tolerance levels are at its lowest of low. I am getting tired of sparring with you mentally. I am getting tired of being on my best guard whenever you're around. I am getting tired of you PERIOD.

I'm not really how I come across to others, my image, I mean... I'm not sure if people see as a serious person. I'm not sure... But it you ask how I see myself, I don't have a clue. Maybe I'm still in the process of knowing myself. I'm still in the process of actually de-cluttering the 40 + years of mess... hehehehe Whenever I'm in a pensive mood and stare myself at the mirror, my reflection shows a person who tries so hard to please everybody that she ended up hurting herself more. I see a person who never thought highly of herself. I see a person who doesn't believe in her own abilities. Pathetic, am I not?

Back to One

Nope, this is not going to be an entry about mushy romance stuff.... This is about me ready to start anew... going back to one.... Okay.... lots of things to think about.... lots of things to plan.... lots of things are about to change....

ohohoho

Ohohohoho!!!! I was not exactly myself today and that was what made me go "ohohohoho!" Maybe I should've done this a long time ago.... Let people see the other side of me or should I say, the real me? ohohohohoho!

after 25 years

Last night, I had an epiphany.....

It just hit me, I'm OLD....

Seeing familiar and friendly (well, and some UN-friendly) faces, time sure did fly when you're having and not having fun... Meaning? Time passes by.... No matter who you are and what you do, it will pass.

Forgiveness

I always follow the credo Forgive and Forget although I have my own twist to it. I forgive easily (trust me, I really do) but I never forget. Why? Because I believe that I should not forget the lessons learned (and boy! there were TOO many lessons I have learned and, yeah, unlearned). I don't want to go through the hurt, especially of being betrayed by people you considered to be your friends, you thought who actually know you enough to give the benefit of the doubt before judging. Well, that's reality for me and it sure bites DEEPLY AND PAINFULLY.

There was an incident (I can't even remember the exactly when) where I was harshly (as I believed to be) judged. People immediately labeled me with all the imaginable and unimaginable negative tags. It did make me feel bad because I felt so helpless. There was nothing I can do because I was caught in a "damn if you do, damn if you don't" situation. Although I did vent out my anger (TO THE PERSON CONCERNED, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, AND BY THE WAY, YOU STILL HAVEN'T APOLOGIZED!), but I was still the bad person. So, i decided to keep silent and I was silent (well, except to a few friends...). Anyway, after all of these years, they still see me as the bad person. Lesson I have learned? Whatever makes you happy people, feel free. I won't stand in the way of your happiness because true judgment comes from HIM not from you.

Lately, I've been feeling down. Why? A person who I thought to be a new friend turned out to be a new frenemy.... Sigh.... Maybe it's me... Maybel I've done something to her... Maybe it's something I've said.... Maybe she's just "using" me.... Or maybe I need to see things and HER in a different LIGHT.... Lesson I have learned? Everybody is doing things to their own advantage. No matter how nice and helpful they are, at the end of the day, IT'S ALL ABOUT THEM! So I should learn not to trust easily and keep a large part of it to myself.

Forgiveness? Yeah, I have forgiven them. Forget? I will try... REALLY try....