Muffled Thoughts

after 25 years

2011-02-27T07:53:00.002+08:00

Last night, I had an epiphany.....

It just hit me, I'm OLD....

Seeing familiar and friendly (well, and some UN-friendly) faces, time sure did fly when you're having and not having fun... Meaning? Time passes by.... No matter who you are and what you do, it will pass.

Forgiveness

2011-02-20T09:44:00.002+08:00

I always follow the credo Forgive and Forget although I have my own twist to it. I forgive easily (trust me, I really do) but I never forget. Why? Because I believe that I should not forget the lessons learned (and boy! there were TOO many lessons I have learned and, yeah, unlearned). I don't want to go through the hurt, especially of being betrayed by people you considered to be your friends, you thought who actually know you enough to give the benefit of the doubt before judging. Well, that's reality for me and it sure bites DEEPLY AND PAINFULLY.

There was an incident (I can't even remember the exactly when) where I was harshly (as I believed to be) judged. People immediately labeled me with all the imaginable and unimaginable negative tags. It did make me feel bad because I felt so helpless. There was nothing I can do because I was caught in a "damn if you do, damn if you don't" situation. Although I did vent out my anger (TO THE PERSON CONCERNED, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, AND BY THE WAY, YOU STILL HAVEN'T APOLOGIZED!), but I was still the bad person. So, i decided to keep silent and I was silent (well, except to a few friends...). Anyway, after all of these years, they still see me as the bad person. Lesson I have learned? Whatever makes you happy people, feel free. I won't stand in the way of your happiness because true judgment comes from HIM not from you.

Lately, I've been feeling down. Why? A person who I thought to be a new friend turned out to be a new frenemy.... Sigh.... Maybe it's me... Maybel I've done something to her... Maybe it's something I've said.... Maybe she's just "using" me.... Or maybe I need to see things and HER in a different LIGHT.... Lesson I have learned? Everybody is doing things to their own advantage. No matter how nice and helpful they are, at the end of the day, IT'S ALL ABOUT THEM! So I should learn not to trust easily and keep a large part of it to myself.

Forgiveness? Yeah, I have forgiven them. Forget? I will try... REALLY try....

ignorance

2010-08-01T17:37:00.001+08:00

would it be best not to know or would it be best to know, when it comes to bad news?

tupperware party

2010-07-31T23:23:00.001+08:00

in as much as i don't want admit, yeah, i'm a part of a BIG TUPPERWARE PARTY! nope, it has nothing to do with a direct selling thing. it's all about people pretending to be all smiles but feeling totally otherwise deep inside

user friendly

2010-07-29T23:26:00.001+08:00

i don't see anything with being user friendly (realistically speaking...) provided it's a mutual thing.

change

2010-07-27T23:30:00.001+08:00

i'm not sure if this is for the best or otherwise but i don't think i can go back.... much has been said and done.... nothing left to do but to face the consequence whatever and whenever it will be....

baaaaddddd.....

2010-07-26T22:35:00.001+08:00

in as much as i want to deny, i know that i have a very bad side... i can be very mean and sneaky if i want to... but i do try to curb the enthusiasm sometime.... hahahah

moving on.....

2010-07-26T19:43:00.001+08:00

i believe i am beginning to learn how to play game.... i used to literally cry over stuff that i laugh at now.... maybe i have finally understood the rules of the game.... or i just gotten smart for a change... hahahahaha

沒有咖啡的日子

2010-07-24T23:53:00.003+08:00

他們說常常喝咖啡會讓我失眠，心情會一點不平衡，也許會難過。可是對我來說，反應是完全相反的。如果我不喝咖啡，我才會失眠，心情會一些不對勁，覺得很難過。尤其是你離開那一天開始。。。。

to... or not to....

2010-07-19T21:13:00.001+08:00

should i or should i not? do i have to or don't i have to? to buy or not to buy? to change or not to change? to get or not to get?

all of these questions.... over a mobile phone! hahahahaha

you uncomplete me

2010-07-16T23:42:00.002+08:00

it's almost seven months already... i should be getting on and moving on... still, little things remind me oh so vividly that i will never be complete... i'm still lost... i'm still not ok...

will i ever be ok? can i ever be ok after losing my best friend? i don't think there's another one like him in this lifetime... he listens to me without prejudice although he's never selfish with his advices...

will i ever find myself again? i seriously doubt it... i forever lost my rock... he's the only person who can make me stop ranting, raving and basically can shut me up with a look...

yadda.... yadda.... yadda....

2010-07-10T00:56:00.002+08:00

i admit there are times (yes, they are many and not few!) that I complain, about life, specific things or in general... i still do, actually, but i am trying to not give in ... i am really trying to not say anything out loud lest i can labeled again...

going back, i find it ironic that the very people who complain because i complain are actually complaining now. i so want to shout, you were complaining what?!? but why would i do that...

if only i can tell them, look at the mirror and i bet you, you won't like what you see because i don't like it, too...

stupid is... stupid me?!?

2010-07-08T23:18:00.002+08:00

oooops! i did it again!!!!!

needless to say, i had, some may call, a perfect display of stupidity. it was the most, if not, definitely one of the most, embarrasing moment of my life. the only reason, i can think of, is i hate numbers. i hate them so much that my brain went to auto-shut down. but i have to overcome this, lest....

all those ....ness....

2010-07-08T21:02:00.003+08:00

i have never felt this useless and helpless in my life!!!!! i need to do something FAST less i lose myself as well....

to talk or not to talk....

2010-07-07T23:44:00.002+08:00

when is the right time to talk and when is the right time not to talk? when is the right time to tell the truth and when is right time to lie? when is the right time to be firm and when is the right time to be, uh, nice? then again, what is the definition of "right time?" does it even exist?

2010-07-06T21:17:00.000+08:00

OMG!!!! i cried during the last scenes of the movie, armageddon!!!!! why? i simply miss my dad....

...i have sinned.....

2010-07-04T13:38:00.002+08:00

forgive me, Lord, I have sinned....

for some reason, it's never easy for me to accept change, no matter how trivial it may be.... i just irritates, annoys, and irks me... why?!? i don't know... maybe it's a childhood trauma thing or something....

i know, i should love my neighbors as i love myself... uh.... hardest much!!!! still, i do try, promise! but....

perception

2010-07-02T20:57:00.002+08:00

for some reason, i don't feel the same way as before when people have misperceptions about me. yes, it still feels bad but i don't get THAT affected anymore. somehow, i have learned to shrug it off and just focus on what i should do. (although i must say that i have to re-focus my focus but that would be another entry! hehehe)

karma

2010-07-01T21:05:00.002+08:00

is there really karma? i mean, does it really work? do people got "punished" for doing bad things? are good people blessed? i don't know....

maybe, i'm too cynical but i don't think karma works that way, well, in my world that is... good people usually don't get the honor they merited and bad people, well, they don't, most of the time, get what they deserve...

ok, i'm feeling guilty because i did something totally juvenile today... oh well, whatever...

sigh....

2010-06-29T21:37:00.000+08:00

my head hurts, my eyes hurt, my back hurts, my feet hurt.... i'm getting old!!!!!

lotsa bear

2010-06-27T19:15:00.003+08:00

yeah, yeah, i know lotsa bear is the antagonist here (toy story 3, i mean), but my heart goes out to the poor guy. look, woody and buzz have the gang, lotsa bear lost his bestfriend... the poor little bear felt betrayed and that is one emotion i believe no one would like to feel EVEN ONCE in his/her lifetime... in order to mask the hurt, he changed into an unfeeling and manipulative little b****, ehem, bear i mean... not that i'm justifying his evil schemes but lets try to understand where he's coming from... OMG!!!! i'm analyzing the pscyhe of an animated bear!?!?! hahahahahahaha

square one

2010-06-26T22:27:00.002+08:00

i just realized that before i can actually move forward, i have to go back to square one. i have to return to my former self before i can really understand the new me.

right or wrong

2010-06-26T00:14:00.002+08:00

it's amazing... in fact, it boggles my mind... believing yourself to be right is not a crime. the question there is, how sure are you that right is REALLY right and not ACTUALLY wrong?

mutability

2010-06-24T20:05:00.003+08:00

Mutability
Percy Bysshe Shelley

We are as clouds that veil the midnight moon;
How restlessly they speed, and gleam, and quiver,
Streaking the darkness radiantly! -yet soon
Night closes round, and they are lost for ever:

Or like forgotten lyres, whose dissonant strings
Give various response to each varying blast,
To whose frail frame no second motion brings
One mood or modulation like the last.

We rest. -- A dream has power to poison sleep;
We rise. -- One wandering thought pollutes the day;
We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;
Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away:

It is the same! -- For, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free:
Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutablilty.

~~~~~

I know that. In fact, I believe that. But, somehow, the knowledge that everything changes in a split of a second makes me really scared.... Maybe because of.... I know it's time to move on and let go... but....

vindication

2010-06-24T07:55:00.003+08:00

revenge is supposed to be sweet.... feeling vindicated is supposed to be exhilirating... but, now that people are beginning to realize I was not making up stories or badmouthing... the satisfaction has somewhat diminished... don't get me wrong, I still appreciate people saying that I was right all along. what i don't like is the negativity that goes with it. don't get me wrong, i still don't like them but i don't want to wish something bad on them. contradictions galore!

funny! funny! funny!

2010-06-22T00:15:00.000+08:00

this is so precious! i just made a really stupid mistake!!!!! no excuse there... hahahahahaha

appearances

2010-06-20T23:44:00.002+08:00

a character in a tv series once said, "we are ignorant of the things we don't see." how true! how true! how can we can rightfully judge a person or understand a situation when we don't know all the factors involved. instead of being a know-it-all, we, especially me, should stop for a while and try to look for the relevant information. even though, your comments may have been said in jest, it could still be hurtful.

small things

2010-06-20T17:49:00.002+08:00

i always believed that major things could change the world, well, i sat corrected... it's the small things that served as a catalyst to change... yes, it's the small things that can make me cry... it's the small things that can make me see the truth... it's the small things...

a new beginning

2010-06-20T09:31:00.002+08:00

This is going to be SO hard.... But, then, I don't have a choice but to go forward.... Life... ugh.... why is it this hard? Anyway, I have made a conscious decision to let go of the negativity and surge toward the future with positivity and a smile (bedimpled at that! hehehe)....

crossroad

2010-06-19T00:47:00.004+08:00

I have no idea why it happened and when it happened but it appears that I have changed. Be it for good or worse, I can't really tell. But, for some people whom I actually believed to know me, they can't seem to put the old me and the new me together. I do wonder, was I the one who changed or they're the one who changed. Come to think of it, it doesn't really matter at all. As selfish as it may sound, I'm more concerned with myself. I have been relying so long on my rock that that I had lost track of what I wanted to do. I became so complacent that everything will be just there waiting for me to start doing then that I had forgotten that nobody waits for anybody in this world. Harsh, but, oh so true!

Ok, I promise myself that this will the last time I would be writing about this.... It does hurt so much to have your trust thrown back at your face so carelessly. Anything you say would be misconstrued and your actions misinterpreted. It has become so tiresome to explain yourself and pretend that you're somebody else JUST to give in to somebody's else whims. Sometimes I do question if I really had a friend at all. I don't question the 'user-friendly' aspect of the relationship but to be treated SO like a lowly individual... It does make me want to REGRET all the time a-wasted. Ok so I'm not THAT nice or presentable ENOUGH or financially-awesome... and if that's all you're after, SORRY, M'DEAR, BUT THIS IS WHO I AM... TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE...

Going back to myself, maybe its the age thing but I'm not as brave with change as I was years ago... Not I'm saying that I'm not afraid at all, it's just that I was more impulsive... Now, I'm so not comfortable with the unfamiliar that I purposely avoid them. But, now.... it seems I have no choice but to embrace them...

A lot of things occurred, a lot of changes happened.. they opened my eyes to the new things (although i think most of them were already there but I just ignored them). I must welcome the new things and sift through the old ones. Time to make those change... NOW

Yipppeeee!!!!

2009-08-27T21:43:00.002+08:00

I'm having a happy (but not necessarily good, as in the good behavior) moment. Actually, it's more of vindication with a slight sense of satisfaction. What the heck am I talking about? Let's just say that (although I really didn't hear anything but, still...) people just might realize I'm not being difficult.

change

2009-08-05T21:24:00.002+08:00

I was in second year high school (oops! Did I just reveal my age?) when Benigno Aquino was shot. It was a sunday afternoon and during one local shows (I want to believe I had forgotten the show! hehehehe) when the news was flashed on the screen. I know of Benigno Aquino as Ferdinand Marcos' political arch-enemy but that was just about it. I was then, I guess, too much engrossed with my TV shows and books that I had no inclination to think beyond my make-believe world. A lot of things started to happen after that event. Political turmoil, economic depression and changes were occurring left and right. After two years, people power happened. I was already a senior but, still, I was not that interested. I mean, yeah, there was a change in leadership and all but, it didn't really affect me personally so I would just leave it at that.

Now, as the entire nation buries former President Corazon C. Aquino, I realized that I had missed so much. Blame it on youth wasted on the young; blame it on immaturity; blame it on mis-perception; or just blame it on me.

Seeing the immeasurable amount of love heaped upon the former president made me think of how I lived my life so far. Will my eventual end bring about such over pouring of emotion? Or people will just look at my body with stoically and turned away?

It's time to change. It's time to change for good.

Oh Boy! Oh Boy!

2009-07-13T19:38:00.002+08:00

Oh boy! Oh boy! I just allowed my temper to get the better of me today!!! First thing in the morning at that!!!!

I'm not sure if SOMEBODY UP THERE is testing my patience and, by golly gee, I failed big time today! Maybe it's the irritation of actually going out of the house half an hour earlier than usual and arrived at work 10 minutes LATE! Maybe it's the deep-rooted irritation towards a person who's still acting immaturely when you're in a hurry to accomplish a task. Maybe it's the irritation of being amassed with work that's not part of your job description. Maybe it's the irritation of having to control my temper when I just want to explode!

sunday afternoon

2009-07-12T19:10:00.003+08:00

I had what I call a lazy day. I woke up very late (well, compared to my usual time, trust me when I SAY VERY LATE) and just let the minutes ticked by with nary a thought or worry. Can I call it a stress-free day? Well, not exactly, because when I'm in an idle mode, I'm prone to think and that's dangerous to my mental health. I tend to go to analyzing the what have beens and what should have beens. I know that I should be grateful with what life has blessed me and I really do appreciate everything but somehow when I look at the people and things happening around me, make me wonder about what if I did that or what if I chose that... the works!

Mid Year Resolution

2009-07-08T20:42:00.002+08:00

I finally decided to resolve this thingy that has been bugging me.....

I know I already sound like a broken CD but I resolved to acquire a pachydermal approach. Instead of racking my brains on where did I do wrong, I'd rather spend my time enjoying my life. Thank you very much!

?

2009-06-30T20:15:00.002+08:00

For the past couple of days, people have been chastisizing me on how I manage my finances. Why did I have to take a vacation when I should have saved the money instead? There's no need to buy a new phone.... Why do I always joke about asking for money?

Ok, I know that money is very important. But, in the truest sense of its relevance, can money really buy what we really want? I'm not justifying my expenses but I am just about this close in shouting SHUT UP ALREADY! I did not ask for any vacation funds nor did I beg for my phone.

Ok, I get the picture on saving for rainy days. I may not have the 7 figures bank balance or what have you, but I am very much aware of that.

I just wish that these people instead of criticizing my every actions, they should look at themselves and maybe, just maybe, they could stifle the urge to crash the mirror into smithereens.

Know Who Your Friends Are.....

2009-06-29T19:52:00.002+08:00

One of the things that really dampens my spirit is to know what kind of a person a friend truly is. Trust is one thing that I don't give easily but once I entrust it a to another, it is supposed to be for life. To have that treasured trust thrown carelessly back at your face is something I can NEVER EVER forgive and forget. I can present a civil and polite mask to that person but, deep inside, that trust would never be given again. No more heart-to-heart talks. No more glimpse of the real me. No more trust.

Letting Go

2009-06-23T19:50:00.002+08:00

How can I let go of something I've believed for so long?
Is it possible for my heart to sing another song?
Will there be a happily ever after for me?
Can I allow myself to dream again?

I have been so used to having you by my side
We've been through a lot, the ups and the downs
But the ways things are right now between us
Maybe, it's time to let you go and let myself free

This is not easy now and will never be
You've been a big part of me
But reality is telling us it's time
You have your life and I have mine

Letting you go will break my heart into pieces
Letting me go will bring me back
I have to understand the pain for me to bring back
Who I am and who I must be

The choice is made by the circumstance
My choice is made by fate
It's time to let go
It's time for us to go

It's Not Always You But....

2009-06-21T19:52:00.002+08:00

Again, I really do believe I need to consult a psychotherapist. Not because I'm having a psychotic attack (or whatever it's called) but because I don't seem to know myself. For almost all my life, I have always been castigating myself whenever bad things happen to me or to people around me. I always automatically put the blame on myself. Yeah, quite unbelievable, isn't it? But, I always carry the burden, not wholeheartedly, but it appears that I just think I cause the pain. Why? I don't know!!!

Brat

2009-06-18T20:13:00.002+08:00

I'm having a "bratty" moment..... I let go of my resolution to be a good and just show this person how annoyed I am with her. Hopefully, the facial expression and the almost shouting tone of my voice are enough to make her feel just how I am "amused" with her.... Hopefully, I won't have to articulate what I am feeling because if I have to... I can very well say the words she wouldn't want to hear EVER in her entire life!

Tomorrow

2009-06-06T22:00:00.002+08:00

For the longest time, I've been harping and nagging myself (and majority of the people I can to talk to! hehehehe) that I need a vacation BAD and FAST. I think I have a very ugly case of burnt-out and I so desperately need to be anywhere BUT HERE! Well, finally, I'll be getting what I have been wishing for... The sun will definitely come out TOMORROW!!!

Should I or should I not

2009-06-01T20:19:00.002+08:00

I really, really, really like to do something but there are factors that somehow make me a bit hesitant...

Whoa!!!!

2009-05-28T19:51:00.003+08:00

Oh boy! Oh boy! And I actually believe that I have the authority on being paranoid!!!! Goodness!!!! I must say, I'm a bit shocked!!! There's a person more paranoid than I am!!!!! Unbelievable!!!!!

Just because she saw me talking with her immediate superior, she thought we were, how would you put, gossiping on her absence from work the other day. DUH!?!? I didn't even bother to ask why she wasn't around that day and, now, she really believed I'm interested?!? AGAIN, DUH?!?

Funny really how people think so much of only themselves!!!!!

But from what I know of her, she's not that bad of a person. Maybe she has been hearing things.... and, come to think of it, I really don't care because when she believed those lies, what's the point of maintaining a friendship. Pointless, useless, meaningless....

WHATEVER!!!!

2009-05-24T00:19:00.002+08:00

I really try to be a good person... HONEST!!! but, it's so d*** frustrating because my sincerity was always misconstrued, misinterpreted, and mistaken to be another thing. Ok! So, I have this folly of putting my foot in my mouth... Hey! It's not as if I have the major stake on that. DO NAME ME A PERSON WHO SAYS ALL THE RIGHT THINGS EVERYTIME! Seriously, people, stop being hypocrites!!! You people can lambast others with such delicious glee and I can't even say anything negative at all!!! DUH!!! Worst of all, I can't even call a person, Ma'am?!? Because that person read it as me wanting to be called Ma'am in return?!? DUH!?! ARE YOU PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR PUNY MINDS?

I really try to chalk up all these things as your typical workplace intrigues. I guess, they really are but somehow your immature antics just irritate the hell out of me. I just don't get it why you people operate on envy with such gusto. There are times that I SO WANT TO CREATE AN INTRICATE WEB FOR YOU PEOPLE TO FALL but, don't worry, I WON'T STOOP TO YOUR DEGRADING LEVEL. I may have a short fuse of a temper but I wont' waste it on you. Gossip all you want. Insult all you want. Malign all you want. I may show cracks once in a while but I won't break down. So, when the time comes all of these things backfire on you, there will be a hint of smirk and muffled "Loser!"

Happy Easter

2009-04-11T22:35:00.002+08:00

In about 90 minutes (give or take), we'll be celebrating Easter... Supposedly, we had finished our reflection and had taken a good stock of our lives spent... Weelll, I'm not exactly sure if I had done that the last couple of days... So what did I do?

Aside from non-stop sleeping (oh well, I did wake up and eat and took showers and stuff! hehehehe), I have been trying to figure out what I should to be start living... I mean, being 40 and all.. (ooops!)

I know I should change a lot of things in my life, namely my at-times uncontrollable temper which had proven to be incredibly troublesome but what I cannot figure out is to how start the change. I know I am soiunding like a broken record already but it seems like there's always a wall (high and thick) which hinders me from actually getting to where I want to be. Now I am sounding like a cheesy love song!

What I am so sure of is that it's a lot, lot easier to tell people how to go about their lives that me actually living my life.

muffled thoughts #16

2009-03-30T21:46:00.002+08:00

This was definitely an exhausting day, but, somehow, I felt really good. Why? Because, I actually (hehehe) believed that I managed to accomplish something! HA!

eeeeewwwwww!!!!!!

2009-03-25T21:15:00.002+08:00

From what I know of myself, I'm not the showy, touchy and feely type of a person. As much as possible, I would rather stay in a corner (preferably abandoned) and study the comings and goings of the people around me especially when they're of the unfamiliar kind. I'm not saying that after more three years, I still don't feel comfortable with this group of people. It's just that I had erected a defensive shield (similar to what protected camp big falcon from the never-ending bozanian invasions!) SO high that sometimes, I, myself, am in a complete loss as to how to get over it.

Going back, I'm not trying to get into the good graces of anybody (well, technically, no, because that wasn't my intention although I'm sure others would just love to think otherwise!). All I'm doing is to fulfill the obligations and duties (be it of any kind) that is required of me. I have to admit though that there (A LOT OF) times these actions make me wanna go EEEEEWWWWWW! Still, I have to do what I must do because that is how I was brought up.

When Patience is no longer a virtue

2009-03-24T20:03:00.002+08:00

HAH!!!!! Don't get me wrong! I am very much aware that I'm in the service-oriented environment. I must always bear in my mind that patience is virtue when it comes to dealing with unreasonable, difficult, and they-believe-to-be-gods clients. But, sometimes, these so-called superior beings need to be pulled down from their self-erected pedestal and give them a tongue-lashing they WILL NEVER FORGET AS LONG AS THEY LIVE!

and they live selfishly ever after....

2009-03-22T14:29:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, there were a boy and a girl who were instant friends the moment they met. They became close to the point that people around them swore a romance was brewing. But, something went wrong... Maybe it was a case of proximity breeds contempt or maybe it was a clash of similar personality or maybe, whatever!

Going back to the story, the once best of friends became the worst of enemies... every word uttered and action taken were thoroughly scrutinized and analyzed for any malicious intent which I honestly believe, most of time, were figments of their over-excitable imagination.

Then this incident happened. The girl committed a careless mistake which the boy had to correct. Now, they're in a (shall i say, silly) dilemma... They both wanted the easy way out not for themselves (separately, of course!) and not for the common good. I'm not sure when this misundertanding (I am trying to be nice, after all) will end but, one thing is crystal clear, THEY'RE BOTH SELFISH!!!!

OMG!!!!

2009-02-27T20:01:00.003+08:00

I think I am slowly going out of my mind.....

I just don't get how some of the people around me think... If I react to something, I became an arrogant fool, BUT, if I keep my opinions to myself, I'm branded an unfeeling jerk... OMG!!! Where in the world should I turn to?!?

Is it really just ME?!? Did I really change that much? for the bad and worst?!?

But, then again, if they're really true to me, instead of giving me the cold shoulder (whenever they feel like it!), why don't they simply be honest to me?!? Don't I even deserve that much (or less)?!?

I'm so tired of trying to adapt, adjust and give in to their fickle whims and unreasonable tantrums. Don't get me wrong, I'm liable to transform myself but I try to follow something my parents taught me, if I'm about to say something negative, better keep it to myself because there is absolutely no way I can take back spoken words, whether it's unintentional or otherwise.

AAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! If only it's morally acdeptable for me to scream BLOODY MURDER to these people!!!!!!

Leaving Yesterday Behind

2009-02-01T14:52:00.002+08:00

During the 1980's, there was a song that really fits the current situation of a person who's close to me....

"So now I'm leavin' yesterday behind
And fin'lly I've made up my mind
So let the mem'ries stay away
And think about today
I'm leavin' yesterday behind
'Cause now I'll try to live my life once more
The way I did before"

I'm sure it wasn't easy for him to finally make THE decision but I do really commend him for taking the first step. His life wasn't easy nor as rosy as what others would like to believe. Living alone in the other side of world from your family and betrayed by the one person he'd believed he would spend the rest of his life with weren't exactly what we would hope to find along the greener pastures.

Whatever plans he might still be forming for the future, I want to reassure him that there are a lot of people who truly care for him and would always stick by his side no matter what.

Generation Gap

2009-01-22T20:25:00.002+08:00

Don't get me wrong, I'm not referring to the so-called generation gap between parents and children... I'm talking about the gap between generations, well, my generation and the now generation, to be exact.

Like in the work environment, people before were more helpful and sincere, nowadays, more of the co-workers are more concerned on what they will gain from helping you, etc.

Bad, Bad Girl

2009-01-21T20:59:00.003+08:00

I am sorry.

I really don't know what came over me today.... okay... I think I have an inkling why I did what I did. In a way, I was conducting my own test on how the people around me would react and if I can actually foresee how they would react. Well, it was sort of successful because they reacted how I saw them did in my mind. But I felt bad. I felt so bad for "manipulating" them. It was bad, bad, bad of me.

Random Thoughts

2009-01-18T17:02:00.002+08:00

I'm not sure how this started.... but I think that there is something wrong with me....

Maybe, I did change as some people would say... or maybe, I'm just being true to myself... I really don't know....

coffee

2009-01-10T01:58:00.002+08:00

it's a common knowledge or should i say belief that coffee, well, actually, it's the caffeine, serves as an effective stimulant. Well, maybe I'm already immune to it, but i always yawn (as in EVERYTIME) after i drink BLACK coffee.

slow

2009-01-05T21:09:00.001+08:00

I'm not sure if it's because this is the first day back to work after a long vacation, or is it because I didn't get my morning fix or is it because its me?

through the years....

2008-12-30T23:10:00.002+08:00

She was one of my first friend in the new school that I transferred to. I'm not sure anymore how we "clicked" but it did. Although I was reassigned to another section and met a few good friends, we managed to sustain the friendship (it would've a lot of work on her part though because I tend to get lost in space...hehehehe)

We really haven't able to maintain a regular for of communication but, whenever we have the chance to get together, it was like we're high school freshmen all over again. And I realized one thing (it was kindah an enlightenment thing for me, so please humor me on this...), she was of the two persons in the entire world whom I can speak freely. I mean, freely, as in no care for any possible case of libel and slander, much more of the shame and scandal stuff! hehehehehehe

It was really a good way to end the year (for me) by re-connecting with an old friend who will always be one of my best friend.

My Mission Impossible

2008-12-15T23:24:00.002+08:00

For a couple of months, I have searching for my new mobile phone. I'm not choosy, really, all I want is a phone with BIG screen and BIG storage space for MP3s and videos. My choice now boils down to Nokia E63 and LG KP500 cookie. Oh boy! This is really hard!!!!!

Give Love on Christmas Day

2008-12-14T08:11:00.002+08:00

When I was younger, I was so into the entire process of gift-giving, choosing, buying, and wrapping.... Now, I just couldn't fathom the whole concept of actually asking for gifts... Duh?!? Is that what Christmas has become? People expecting to receive "gifts" and will audacious react negatively when they don't like what they got? Is this really how we celebrate Christmas?

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

2008-12-09T23:27:00.002+08:00

Less than a month from now, a new year will begin....

Looking back at the last eleven months of 2008, i learned a very important lesson on how to deal with people. Never assume that you know what others think.... No two people think like, even twins, so it's humanly impossible to say that you know what others are thinking or feeling... It took me quite a while for really understand the concept because i used to pride myself as somewhat a considerate person and all... but, i was floored!!!!! it took a really big blow to my pride to be actually aware that i don't really know what i was talking or proud about. although, i still tend to believe that i can effectively sympathize, i am really learning to instill within myself that i am, in reality, fooling myself in that belief. i don't know how others think or feel because i'm not them and likewise, i should NEVER expect others to know how or what i feel because they're not me. hopefully, by next year, i can say that i've become a better person.

Twilight

2008-11-27T21:47:00.002+08:00

When a friend first mentioned to me about this book, called, twilight, i was like, DUH?!? Then she told me that it was about a romance between a human girl and a vampire... i went, "Mercy! I haven't gotten over how Joss Whedon tore Buffy and Angel apart!" No more impossible romance plots for me, please.

About couple of months ago, I began getting all those news regarding twilight books and movies, how it was one of the highly-anticipated book-to-movie event, yada-yada, so i told myself, read it and be done with it. Against my better judgement, i borrowed the twilight books... and, well...i must say, it's addicting.

I'm not sure how twilighters would react, but I honestly believe the the 4 volumes could be condensed in 2-book series. Give me a break, how many heartless bloodsuckers are out there planning to kill bella anyway? One book solely devoted to bella's reckless attempts to "hear" edward's voice and edward's pointless attempts to sacrifice his one true love for the greater good. Another book talked nothing about one of those heartless bloodsucker out to avenge her lover's demise. Call me heartless, but, I would be happier with just two books.

Going back to my addiction, well, I must say that I'm quite satisfied with the movie version. Although I was initially not to be jumping for joy with robert pattinson as edward cullen (maybe because he will always be cedric diggory to me!), he had proven to be edward cullen. With a little subtle changes here and there (for cinematic purposes, i think), the movie remains true to the book and for that I am grateful to the production people.

Although I'm not THAT crazy over the book 2 and book 3, I will still be looking forward to seeing bella and edward onscreen. Yes, this is an addiction! hehehehehe

It's O-V-E-R!!!!

2008-11-25T21:20:00.002+08:00

Whew!!!!! I have never felt this much relief over something akin to confusion, well, actually of my doing. I wasn't really that serious over a possible change in my life. I was more of testing the waters but, of course, I just had to be caught up in a tangle of misunderstanding. Good thing though that even if the final resolution wasn't ideal to the other end, for my end, there was nothing but relief.

Am I speaking in riddles? Let me put it simply, I made an impulsive act without really thinking and put me in a spot where I almost lost not only my present employment (although I had an offer, quite good actually) but a very good friend as well. Luckily, all's well that's hopefully really do ended well!

Awkward Much?!?

2008-11-14T20:29:00.002+08:00

In as much as I try to go along with everybody at work, there will still be a couple of those rub me in the wrong way. I really try to be fair in dealing with them even though most of the time I struggle between strangling them or simply slapping them silly. So I guess, it's (more than, actually) awkward to be put together in a confined space, let's say a car. Although I am pretty sure I can be civil but question like what the hell will we talk about aside from the weather bugs me from the word go.

Should I or Should I Not?

2008-11-10T23:03:00.002+08:00

I am in a dilemma of my own making!!!!!! Should I get myself a new mobile phone or should I get myself a new ipod nano-chromatic? Choices! Choices!!! If only, I can get both!!!!!

I Really Do.....

2008-11-06T21:25:00.003+08:00

I never deny that I'm not the nicest of persons nor the most patient but I really do try to consider other people's feelings in making decisions. Somehow, I am more than baffled with this one person I know. Don't get me wrong, I don't see the two of us as friends. We're more of two persons forced to co-exist 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Harsh, I don't think so. That's how it is, really.

In fairness to her, we never really have anything BIG against each other. But, we manage to, unconsciously or could be consciously, rub each other in the wrong way. To make this brief, we are not operating on the same frequency. Actually, she's not too bad during her good days but she has this streak of meanness in her that never fails to make me want to commit bloody murder.

Again, I never deny that I'm one the laziest persons in the planet but I am aware what my duties are in line with my work. I am also very much aware of how important is to sustain a working inter-personal relationship. But she just makes me want to shake my head from 9am to 5pm, it's as if looooooong personal calls are part of her job description. What irritates me the most is the nonchalant way she responds when I ask her about work. Is it me or is it the work? If it's the work that she dislikes, well, I'm so sorry, there's nothing I can do for her. She has to work that one for herself and, hopefully, with minimal effect on me. On the other hand, if it's about me, she's not exactly an endearing person as well. So, I guess, in some weird way, we're even?!?

Refer to Maker

2008-11-01T12:38:00.002+08:00

I learned something new today. If a bank would rather mention specifically the reason why it's returning a check because the risk will be minimal on it's part, it would put 'REFER TO MAKER'. I wonder if I can use that, too.....

Here I Go Again.....

2008-10-20T23:14:00.002+08:00

Just when I was about to make THE final decision, I get second thoughts.... What's wrong with me? Can't I let go or am I'm just plain scared? I think I'm going with the scared option.

Friday Fun: The Music Edition

2008-10-19T09:54:00.003+08:00

They say that music can bring out powerful emotions or memories in a person. I know that can be very true for me!

1. What are 5 songs that will forevermore remind you of high school?
~borderline by madonna
~manic monday by the bangles
~to love again by sharon cuneta
~growing up by gary valenciano
~farewell by raymond lauchengco

2. Do you have “a song” with that special someone? What is it and how did it become “your” song?
~save the best for last by vanessa williams (for obvious reasons! hehehehehe)

3. Is there a song out there that just seems to speak to you?
~love me for what i am by the carpenters

4. What song just gets you moving and makes you happy?
~together forever by rick astley

5. What is your favorite genre of music?
~80's!!!!!

She said, She said

2008-10-16T22:36:00.002+08:00

One thing's for sure! It's definitely weird to find yourself used as a listening post by the very same person who gave you the cold shoulder and, i'd rather not believed it but my instinct told me otherwise, talked a lot behind my back.

I'm not saying that I don't talk about other people behind their backs.... Hello! Everybody does but I try to follow a family rule that we should avoid, as much as possible, to speak out when it's a negative thought. Why? Because there is absolutely no way we can take back the words once they came out of our mouths. Words are more hurtful than physical blows, believe me!

Anyway, I could call it karma but I'd rather spare her the painful process that I had to go through with her indifference and outright ignorance of my existence for, i think, couple of months or more. I could really laugh at her situation right now and, justifiably, say, now what you know what you've been through but what's the use. I won't feel right about it. I know, I'm a soft-hearted pushover of the worst kind. I can never bear to see anybody who I had considered to be my friend to be so bothered and troubled. Call me stupid but that's how I am as a person.

But, my sympathy and empathy aside, one thing is absolutely clear for me. I don't think it's possible for me to REALLY trust her with my innermost thoughts. Trivial stuff is easy but to open myself again? I don't think that will happen for a very long time to come.

First Step...

2008-10-13T19:08:00.002+08:00

I have to make a decision tonight whether I will go to work tomorrow or not....

I Said, You Said, They Said

2008-10-11T19:58:00.002+08:00

I used to be so affected with other people's perception towards me. I even had a dream before that my face has pore openings bigger that rose flowers and according to a friend who's into dream stuff, it meant that I am so concerned with how other people think.

I'm not sure if I had just learned to accept it, or somehow I reached a stable maturity level or the bitch in me just plain got tired and wanted to hit back. hehehehehe

Don't get me wrong, I am still affected especially when I honestly believed that I'm the wronged party. At the same time, I have mastered the art of smirking.... hehehehehe I'm not really sure how others see my smirk, but for me, I felt a whole lot better (especially with myself), whenever I turned on my smirk mode. I don't give so much weight anymore with what you said or they said, as long as I know what I said.

Manic Monday

2008-10-06T21:36:00.002+08:00

"It's six o'clock already and I'm just in a middle of a dream...."

I'm not sure if it's just psychological or something but I find it incredibly hard to get my motor running on Monday mornings.

To Judge or Not To Judge

2008-10-05T00:08:00.004+08:00

Before anything else, I ADMIT! I'm guilty of being judgmental and actually NOT PROUD OF IT. I could always point the blame to my upbringing. I mean, everybody around me, has always something to say (unfortunately, most of the time, it's on the negative side of sphere) about everything. I can easily say that I picked up that bad habit. But, I know, that I am (more than!) old enough to be responsible for my actions instead of blaming everything and everything except moi!

Anyway, for some reason, I have always been annoyed by an acquaintance. Anything he says or does irritates the heck out of me, regardless if its good or bad. Maybe, we're on the opposite side of the moon or maybe we're too alike that we clash. OH NO! DON'T GET THE WRONG IDEA, PLEASE! Before you can utter, Oh YEAH, OPPOSITES ATTRACT, that will never do unless anybody out there would wish me incarcerated for bloody murder!

Going back to what I am supposed to be writing, this guy has been judging a lot of things lately, mostly personal decisions of other people whom I'm not sure if he even knew them personally at all. I'm not saying that I don't put labels on people, all I'm saying that I don't dare to proclaim my verdict on any issue, especially when it's too controversial for my own good. Why hand over the hammer that others would so love to whack my head with? Besides, the people concerned won't give a damn on my opinions anyway. They strongly believe what they do is right so how would anything I say can make a difference? Likewise, I also believe that I am right so....

We're no longer little kids being smothered with fairy tales, fables and parental control. We have lived (hopefully, we do!) out lives for almost half of the century. Assuming we did, shouldn't our view of life be not confined with what should be but be widened as to accommodate things beyond the realm of our comfort zone?

I think life would be a lot peaceful if we just respect other people. Instead of loudly judging other people, why shouldn't we just give them the personal space they're entitled to. We don't have the right to judge their actions that we may believe could be right or wrong. We're not perfect. We make mistakes. Everybody else does. Let's leave at that.

With A Smile....

2008-09-30T23:26:00.002+08:00

Whew!!!!!! This was definitely one of the most physically tiring, not to forget, psychologically draining as well, day of my professional life. Come to think of it, it was more exhausting to sustain a positive disposition with a lot of irritated clients and uncooperative, ehem, colleagues.

I'm not really sure how it did but, personally, I think I managed to maintain a smile with a little frown showing itself once in while! hehehehehehe

I am thinking.....

2008-09-30T00:09:00.003+08:00

Somebody asked me what in the world did i wrote on my facebook wall.... well, it was in chinese... (actually, it was my way of staying anonymous! hehehehe)....

here's the english translation:

I can never understand people
They never forget even your smallest mistakes,
yet, they completely forgot whatever good you did to them.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, yes, I'm still hurting. Although, I promise, I'm trying to move on and look at the betrayal as a learning experience (which it is, by the way), but, I still remember disappointment of having your trust thrown back at your face. I know! I know! I should have known better but, I guess, I can't help but try to focus on the good things. YES, I KNOW HOW WRONG THAT WAS! But, then again, these so-called people actually remembered me for being a transformer instead of a attempting to be a friend. Oh well, I guess, life has to go on.....

Things I Learned in Kindergarten

2008-09-19T23:45:00.003+08:00

I was rummaging through my drawer for photographs that I could add to my facebook photo album when I came across this old picture. By old, I mean, it was taken more that 30 years ago (so, did I just reveal my age here? hehehehe). The picture was taken during (I believe) a musical program when I was in kindergarten (not exactly sure if it was kinder 1 or 2).

Kindergarten.... I miss those days of carefree and innocent existence. There was no malice among us kids. As far as I can recall, we were happy with just chasing each other along the school corridors and sharing snacks (although I don't think I can drink milk out of a recycled peanut butter bottle willingly again!)

Goodness, I don't think I have seen any of those people in the photograph after we graduated from elementary school... hmmmm.....

Looking forward.....

2008-09-17T19:41:00.003+08:00

I never really thought that I can feel this excitement about a possible change in my life. Weird.... Trust me, it's really weird. From a person who positively abhors and detest the very idea of change, to say that I'm getting all agog is weird. Maybe, because, subconsciously, I know it's time for that.... Maybe, I've matured somehow after all these years.... Maybe, I'm so fed up already with the inanities of my present situation.... Anyway, whatever is the real reason behind my actually looking forward to this phenomenon (hehehe), I'm quietly cherishing what could possible be my last three months with this group of people who have made me laugh, irritated, amused, angry, rolled my eyes and disheartened.

Maturity

2008-09-14T11:22:00.005+08:00

Sometimes I really do wonder if maturity does come with age.... I mean, look at me, instead of making plans for my retirement (hehehehe) and do more constructive and relevant things, I still go gaga over idol dramas, care bears and inanities. To top it all, I still can't control my temper which, of course, lead to numerous misunderstanding and conflicts. Not that I don't think about the future, I do have something brewing, it's just that future is so far away. A lot of things happen under a minute, what more, days, week, months or even years from now. I'd rather live as if it's the last day of my life and enjoy every second of it. So, is it a more sensible thing to say that immaturity comes with age?

*photo courtesy of http://www.plush-toy.co.uk/acatalog/1care-bears-3-pack.jpg

Jenny

2008-09-11T19:41:00.007+08:00

I'm experiencing last song syndrome!!!!!!!!!!

Ever since I heard the acoustic version of this song, it just keeps on playing in my head..... NON-STOP!!!!

*video courtesy of cba09

JENNY by the Click Five

She calls me baby
then she wont call me
says she adores me
and then ignores me
(Jenny, What's the problem?)

She keeps her distance
and sits on fences
puts up resistance
and builds defenses
(Jenny, Whats the problem?)

You keep me hanging on the line
everytime you change your mind

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

She needs her own space
she's playing mind games
ends up at my place
saying that she's changed
(Jenny, what's the problem?)

I'm trying to read between the lines
you got me going out of my mind

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
It's killing me
(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
It's killing me
(ohh ohh ooohhhh)
Jenny

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

First you say you wont
then you say you will
you keep me hanging on
but we're not moving on
we're standing still
Jenny, you've got me on my knees
Jenny, It's killing me

It's killing me

Jenny

*lyrics from http://www.lyricsdomain.com/20/the_click_five/jenny.html

goodbye....

2008-09-09T21:03:00.004+08:00

I used to believe that to be liked
I have to set myself aside
and put all of your above else

I used to think that to be liked
I have to block my thoughts
and give in to all your whims

I used to think that to be liked
I have to stop liking myself
unless you like me too

Weelll, that was then and today is now

Now, I like myself
more than anybody else

Now, I cater to my whims
before I even think about yours

Now, I go first before anybody else
and, that, my dear, includes you!

*photo courtesy of openphoto.net

Changing.....

2008-09-09T20:47:00.005+08:00

A light bulb in my head sparked today... I had a realization that I am changing.... Is it for the worse or for the better, I honestly have no idea yet.

After being exposed to the "real" world (as others would put it), I have grown a rather thick skin which is actually helpful in fighting off negative vibes although there are times it wears off it's effectivity.... hehehehehe

Going back to my mutation (hehehe), I have learned how to turn my game face on and off at will. People may look at me and say I'm a big (ouch! hehehe) fake. Well, if that's how they perceive my person, it's really no big deal. I can never please them all anyway. Besides, no matter how hard I tried, I can never think like those perfect people nor I can do things like those perfect people because I'm not those perfect people. I guess, I have also grown tired of trying to be liked and ended up being somebody else who I'm definitely not. This time, they would have to learn to accept me for who and what I am and not who they want me to be.

Admittedly, it will still take time for me to get used to this new me, I am starting to enjoy this freedom.

Trivia

2008-09-06T22:35:00.002+08:00

I've been testing my knowledge of movie trivia with a facebook application called never-ending movie quiz and the results were pretty scary. Scary in the sense that I know more about movie stuff than the REAL stuff!

Musings of a Scaredy Cat

2008-09-05T21:28:00.003+08:00

I'm now celebrating my 39th birthday.... oh yeah, 1 more year to go and i'll be stepping into a new decade....

No, I'm not scared of getting old although I sometimes get a jolt whenever I picture myself being all alone..... Anyway, getting on biologically is among the least of my worries nowadays... I'm more concerned of what's changing right now...

I'm facing a crossroad, in terms of career choices. Should I stay at where I'm more comfortable or should I go forward and challenge myself (with corresponding higher financial gain, of course)?

It's a weird feeling because, I think I'm beginning to accept that I'll be taking the leap. Every action I take now is always laced with the notion that it's gonna be my last. But, I'm still REALLY scared.

Going back to my opening line, I'm already 39 and I'm not getting any younger.....

Second Thoughts

2008-09-02T22:17:00.003+08:00

Here I go again, after I had thoroughly convinced myself that I should not give so much weight on my emotions when making decision but instead focus on what could be rationalized as correct, well, as soon as I hear that change is imminent, I began to have cold feet (literally!). I know for a fact, that I should start taking that big step. somehow, fear is fast clouding (yet, again) whatever logic left.

Maybe, it's time for me to consult a psychiatrist. I admit, I need help!!!!!!

Birthday Headache

2008-09-02T19:22:00.003+08:00

As far back as I can recall, I always suffer from painful headache and fever whenever my birthday approaches. I'm not exactly sure if it's because of stress that I'm getting a year older or I'm just plain scared of the what the future holds.

photo courtesy of manga-vn.com

Kuya's Girl

2008-08-31T14:55:00.003+08:00

Aside from being a Papa's girl, I must say I'm also a Kuya's girl, especially to my second older brother. One can say he kindah spoiled me with material stuff and attention, but, more than that, my Kuya is also one of the few people I can be myself without any fear of consequences. I can be funny, bitchy, nice, angry or even stupid with him and I can be very sure that I won't be judged. I miss my Kuya and one of my dearest wish is to be able to visit him and hear him sing (since he's been bragging how good he is now!).

Headaches

2008-08-30T20:33:00.004+08:00

After taking into careful consideration the factors that could possibly attibute to my excruciating and extremely inconvenient headaches, I finally realized that I have several options to mark as causes:
1. late nights - blame it to blogging! seriously, i enjoy the chatting, surfing and other stuff you can do that sleep seemed to be a bother.
2. perfume - oh yeah! blame it to smell pollution.
3. caffeine overdose - now that is one factor I would never admit to even if it's true!

*photo courtesy of www.flickr.com

Changes

2008-08-28T20:06:00.002+08:00

Again, I'm standing at a crossroad. I need to decide should I make a turn or stay put. Mercy! I so do not like this feeling. I have always been more comfortable with the familiar but I am very much aware that although change could be scary, it's the very thing that could make me a stronger person.

Of course, I know that there is no perfect situation. Somehow, someway, there will be something we won't be agreeable with. But, it's how we handle situation that would make it perfect. Now if only I can find that skill and, maybe then I won't be scared of change anymore.

Insecurity and Selfishness

2008-08-26T19:15:00.002+08:00

It's a sad, sad thing to see people being eat up with insecurity and selfishness that they forget their humanity. Admittedly, I also have my insecurities and I do have my bouts of selfishness but I do try to escape from these traps. Insecurity erodes not only your zest for life but the innate goodness in yourself as well. Selfishness re-focuses your energy to what you want at all cost with nary a thought to what is right.

Fairy Tale

2008-08-23T21:59:00.004+08:00

I don't know about you but I grew up thinking that the life is like a fairy tale. If you did something good, you'll be rewarded and every story ends happily ever after.

Well, I'm now actually pushing 40 and, well, I don't see any fairy tale unfolding (yet!).... Not that I'm expecting one because the bubble had already burst, like so 10 years ago, but somehow therein lies STILL a romantic in me. Although I'm not thinking anymore in terms of weddings and stuff (time to get real!), I dream now of a peaceful life (and successful won't be all that bad).

Tupperware Party

2008-08-21T22:52:00.003+08:00

At the risk of being eternally ostracized in my workplace (hehehe), I'm still gonna say this, I have realized that for five days a week, I'm attending a big tupperware party. Why? I had learned that true friendships are rare among co-workers. Everybody (oh yeah, the list does include me sometimes) has ulterior motives that require to use (and, for the ambitious, abuse) other people, plus we have monthly income to boot!

Patience is Virtue

2008-08-20T19:45:00.004+08:00

For the longest time this has always been a funny thing for me (please forgive if I had or, most probably, will offend anybody), but I have always say this, Patience is virtue, unfortunately I'm not a virtuous person. Funny right? Admit it, you're laughing yourself sick. Okay, there's a shadow of a smile trying to break free....

Seriously, I really envy those people whose patience runs deeper than the abyss. They can honestly enjoy the luxury of the wait and bask at their ultimate success. Me? Nah..... I'm an antsy person (might come from all those MUGS of coffee I've had?). I want things done RIGHT NOW or NOT AT ALL. Contradicting? Yeah, oxymoronic even! hehehehe

I've tried to be really patient with people, places and things around me. Scout's Honor! I tried to mask any impatience I might be feeling with a smile or I'll just think of some inanities to humor myself. In fairness, it did work FOR A WHILE. The bad thing there is that all the impatience have amassed to such an infinite quantity.

It's so hard not to explode at the slightest provocation (it could be a careless comment, nonchalance or I just happen to not like that person's face at the moment! hehehe) and I honestly believe that I'm starting to develop a personality discorder with all this control.

Ang Taba Mo!

2008-08-18T21:01:00.004+08:00

Promise, the moment I hear the comment, "Ang Taba Mo!" one more time.... grrrrrr!!!!!!! Kasama ba sa listahan ng physical injuries ang manapak?!?

I'm not naman denying the fact na OO, MATABA AKO, pero kailangan pang ulit-ulitin yun na parang wala na akong ibang nagawang maganda o may saysay kahit kaunti sa buhay maliban sa katabaan ko? Nakakapikon na....

Cute bang tanungin ako nang, "pumapayat ka yata?" Haller?!? Malabo lang mata ko, hindi ako bulag! There's no need na magpaka-plastic pa! Diretushin na nang matapos pero ang frustration ko lang dyan eh wala na bang ibang masasabi sa akin kundi yun?!? Oo, alam ko, masagwang tingnan, hindi kaaya-aya, at kung anu-ano pang nega pang reaction. But, this is me! Kung hindi nyo kayang tanggapin ako, cellulites and all, eh thank you very much na lang po. Pero, tama na talaga at malapit na akong magwala!

Happy Ending

2008-08-18T00:10:00.003+08:00

With all the horror stories going around, I have started to discount the reality of happy endings. I have been hearing a lot of those tragic happenings that the idea of perfect life has become an impossible dream.

Maybe it's the fear talking or maybe it's the ignorance taking over but would it be so incredibly stupid of a person to enter into what have become hellish experiences to a lot of people I know very well. I know that I should not lose the idealistic side of my person, but, hey, it would be only difficult, but extremely difficult to remain positive amidst all the negative aura swirling around me. On the other hand, I should not endeavor to sustain whatever positive energy I might still have because it is the only thing that will help survive.

Hopefully, someday, I can see with my eyes that happy ending can still be a reality and I can feel their smiles not just see them.

80s Music

2008-08-16T21:14:00.003+08:00

I really don't know what came over me but I suddenly got hit with an urge to listen to 80's music, be it foreign or OPM.

Maybe I'm just missing the carefree times, maybe I just need to enjoy the soothing quality or maybe I'm just too tired of the noise that kids nowadays call music. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate some of the songs release this decade but, somehow, they don't seem to have that timeless appeal of the 80s music.

Words to Live By

2008-08-16T00:33:00.003+08:00

I was watching a news on item on cable regarding the First Lady of new Taiwanese President. She visited a school and was happily playing with the children. Before she left, she advised the children never forget these words and liberally use them, "Please", "Thank You" and "Sorry."

As simple as these words may sound, they are by far the most important words in any language.

WHATEVER!!!!

2008-08-14T22:03:00.007+08:00

Most of the time, I'm so beyond amazement on the intricate workings of the human minds, well, except for my mind because it usually does not do what it supposed to do.

Although I must admit I'm also guilty on that regard a lot of times (I do try not to commit the same crime ever again!), I can't help but shake my hand at the incredible assumption people make about me. Well, I'm guess I'm not crowned as the most misinterpreted, misconstrued and all the other possible mis-ses in the world for the nothing. Again, I've trying rocking my brains and going back to all the things I've said or done that could have led to a particular assumption on me. Goodness! All I did was to follow an order from higher-up and now I'll be going on a long vacation?!? As Ellen DeGeneres would say it her show, "What?!?"

Whew!!! This is a very delicious gossip if it wasn't about me! hehehehe Seriously, I don't have an iota of an idea as to what instigated this fantastic assumption. Oh well, I guess, I should take it as a good sign that I'll probably go on A VERY LONG VACATION in the near future!

I'm not angry nor irritated nor agitated, not even itsy, bitsy, teensy, weensy trace of annoyance. Honestly, I'm more of bewildered and in awe of their powers of deduction. Goodness, and I actually believed I'm smart!

命中注定我愛你

2008-08-13T20:48:00.004+08:00

This is probably the most watched idol drama in Taiwan ever, 命中注定我愛你, or Fated to Love You in English.

I almost didn't watched this series because I wasn't so crazy about the lead actor. Why? I was hoping that another actor would play the part (because I am always, and still is, a fan of 明道 and 陳喬恩 tandem) but, I found the teaser interesting so I told myself, give it a couple of episodes then I'll decide it I'd rather go to sleep or stay up late.

The story is actually quite simple. It's about an ordinary girl who went on a cruise with her boyfriend and hoped to take their relationship to the next level. On the other hand, this rich guy took the cruise with a grand plan of a wedding proposal to his ballerina girlfriend. But the hands of fate (aided by a couple of clumsy men and a rather selfish girlfriend) directed these two to meet in the most incredible circumstance. Funny and touching situations followed and the craziest group of supporting characters will make you laugh then cry, well, most of the time at the same time.

Two sundays to go and I'll be saying goodbye to 紀存希 and 陳欣怡 (I'm not exactly panicking because there will be DVDs and what have you! hehehehe). I will surely miss these two characters that made me smile and sigh and sob every Sundays.

Oh, by the way, where in the world did rubber duckie go?

When it's so much fun to just laugh.....

2008-08-12T20:04:00.003+08:00

I've been trying to think of something interesting and witty to write for the last couple of days. I've been typing and deleting, then type and delete again. It has become such an easy way out for me to tell myself, I'll probably come up with something tomorrow. Well, that's not going to happen tonight... I will type anything that will come to mind and it won't be such a big deal for me if it does not make any sense. Whatever makes sense to me does not necessarily makes sense to you and vice versa.

I've always been taught that if everything else fails, laugh. It may sound, well, come to think of it, it does sound crazy. But, it works for me.

I don't know why but I always manage to put myself in such a fix that I suffer so much from migraine attacks and bouts of indigestion. I even got myself diagnosed with stomach flu although I'm still not even sure if there is such a sickness but that's what I heard from my doctor and I'm not saying otherwise!

Anyway, it was such a torture to have your head felt like cracking up with pain every sunday nights. Yes, I have regular migraine attacks every sunday night for almost 10 years. It can be from the mildest of discomfort to have all the rock bands in the world having a concert inside your head, specifically on only one side of your head. I've avoided taking pain killer as much as I can because I don't want to develop addiction of any kind but, lately, I decided to not make myself suffer and take whenever an ordinary massage can't help.

Okay, so why sunday nights in particular? I think, maybe because tomorrow is Monday, the start of work week... Seriously, it's exhausting to manage a business when the economy is not exactly bright and rosy. (This was exactly when I confirmed why I so dislike to study anything connected with Commerce in college, but, then again, that's exactly what my college degree is! hehehe) It's also the same case when I seeked employment elsewhere. Monday was such a depressing thought for me that my head began to throb with pain with the sun sets every Sunday.

Now, why do I say that laughter is the best medicine? Somehow, laughter is what got me through the migraine attacks and the bouts with indigestion. Laughter has effective erased whatever angst I may have with my life. Laughter has taught me to deal with people who are as difficult as me. In a nutshell, laughter has allowed me to live my life.

I can laugh at anything, or should I say that I'm learning now to focus more on the humorous side of life instead of emphasizing on the negative aspect. It can be a mere thought of a song, a place, a scene from a tv series, my nephew's naughty antics or basically what humor I can find from anything.

Laughter is the best medicine, not only for the physical sickness but for my emotional and mental well-being. I may give in to a frown here and there but at the end of the day I'll be having a goofy smile that says that everything's just fine.

Bonding Time

2008-08-09T23:12:00.005+08:00

Quality time with family is really something that can't be bought with the most valued currency or with the most precious stones. At the risk of sounding too idealistic (yeah, there's a bit of it left somewhere... hehehehe), I felt the veracity of the statement, "money can't buy you everything."

One doesn't need to go to expensive restaurants or to go on grand tours to be able to bond with your family. All that is needed is the love in your hearts and the rest will follow naturally.

A simple trip to the mall and an hour of chatting about everything and anything important and inanities are enough to make me feel how lucky and loved I am!